Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Is a pretty rockin' film. I went to see it twice this week. I want my own sexy, 7 foot tall blue man :(

I also went to see The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus at the Princess theatre yesterday. It was a bit of a let down plot-wise. The visuals and the acting were superb though. It was Heath Ledger's last film, and I'm glad that he didn't end off as the Joker in my mind. There's a bit in the movie about how people who die while they're young never age, and so they are immortal. I think this is true in a way, and very interesting.

Anyway, I've had an interesting ride out of the break this year. I mostly was miserable on the 24,25, and 26th. There were some bright spots though. Mostly those bright spots were media induced. I think I'm beginning to avoid the world by watching movies. I would be more worried about how bad this is for my dear brain if I weren't so enjoying myself. I love that when I'm watching a movie I don't have to think about anything but the movie.

It's like reading a book but in a theatre my mother won't interrupt me. We need reading theatres (uh, Becca? that's called a library...)

Anyway, the space between my ears feels like buzzing emptiness. Like a glass jar or water with a wee jellyfish kinda gooshing around in it. I'm quite ok with it.

P.S. I love history and chai tea lattes also :)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Today I went from my comfy spot on the basement couch to the kitchen for food and back again.
That is all
I'm quite happy, really.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Facebook is too suggestive

I mean that in the most literal, un-euphamistic way there is.

May I also point out that this day is driving me crazy?

The true purpose (since the idea of 'meaning' is misleading) of Christmas:
Time of work, parties, and cake.

If I am not getting any of these at the time, you are not allowed to mention the holiday. If you want to plan some sort of holiday shindig in July, you better be giving me a cake or taking me to Paris.

Tomorrow shouldn't be as bad though. I get to eat delicious animals, and pie, and go to see a movie.

I got an awesome hat for cmas and MY OLDEST BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED! The one with the babies. Just found it out.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Advantage of Having a Cellular Telephone

Today, I thought, was going to be really slow.
I don't have to work tonight because of Christmas soon, and friends don't get off work until frekken 11pm so my plans, if I had any, were going to be late.
Then, at around 115, as I was lying in bed considering hauling myself into the daylight for food, my phone rang. (Can I use this moment to say that I love my ring tone? I love my ring tone.)
It was a friend I haven't seen in a while. She said she wanted to hang out and asked if I had stuff going on. She sounded really stressed out, and it is unusual for her to call.
So we agreed to go to the mall for tea and talking around 230.
She drove, which I count as a bonus!

It was one of the most relieving 2 hours of my life.

I was surprised, actually, at how easy it was to be honest with her. I loved that while we both had stuff to say, both of us were willing to listen. I think the fact that she's going to be far away soon made it easier to ignore the crap drama of the past and look at the current personality.

I feel much better, on one hand, because I was able to just get a lot of stuff off my mind.
I feel sad, on the other hand, because she's gone far away in a week and I likely won't see her for a long time.

This is a dilemma.
But I am so glad we talked.
I am so glad she called.
I am so glad I kept my cell phone.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I Know....

This is the second post today but...

I walked around town today with a friend, and it was good. Sometimes I just need to know there are happy people.

So, to keep myself awake until a friend picks me up for SKATING I will tell you my opinions on the songs that come up on my iTunes shuffle.

"Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite" by the Beatles:
Classic Beatles weirdisms set to mysteriously catchy music. I love how it makes me think of an old-time circus pantomime.

"Destroyer" - Static-X:
I think the opening line of this song was "Take a dump in a steam hammer". I'm giggling like mad, and my sister is giving me looks. HAHA! "GIVE ME DUMMY RUBBER CRAB!!". Enough of that!

"Camisado" by Panic! At the Disco:
Do you think all their songs soung like the same. I like the intro to this one. It's an interesting premise, to be sure.

"Forgiven" by Relient K:
Wow, I haven't heard Relient in so long. This must be their new stuff cuz I don't recall them being this edgy. Interesting rock fusion type stuff. I don't recognize the chord progression either, which is nice.

"Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton:
I don't know why I have this on my list. It's not like I particularly like Eric Clapton. I suppose he's good at the gee-tar, but I don't particularly appreciate his style. Just not my thing.

"Heart of Gold" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
I love these guys! This song is so deep, and it makes me sad. People can search their whole lives for something and die without finding it. Do they feel sad at the end when they realize that they didn't get it?

"Think for Yourself" by the Beates
SO TRUE!!!! I'm sending this song out to many of my associates as a plea. Think for yourself cuz I won't be there with you. And yay funky guitar!

"Rock Me" by Great White
This is a song that I downloaded and never really got a chance to listen to cuz it got buried with some other stuff I dlded at the same time. Neat little rock tune, but nothing breaking any moulds in words or in music. Pretty tight bass line, actually. Not sure I like the lead's vocal styling. Hm..

"Tulips" by Bloc Party
This is one of the bands that I always skip on shuffle. I just never feel like hearing this type of music. They're good though, in their own way. They do sort of ambient rock. The lead has a super weird voice. If I had been more of a 90's child, I think I would have appreciated it a lot more. I know my oldest brother liked them a lot. Lyrics are pretty solid.

"Stuck in the Middle With You" by Three Dog Night
I LOVE THESE GUYS. SO FRIKKEN GROOVY!! Weird voice from the singer; it's hard to understand him. I lovvveeee the beat thought. "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right." Just enough patterns to be groovy and just enough ornamentation to be interesting. Very cleverly constructed piece.

"Baby, I'm An Anarchist" by Against Me!
I hate this chord progression. This is not the band's piece de resistance. Kind of like Arcade Fire and Billy Talent had a crappy baby. Ok, nvm, it's growing me. It's alright. Makes me smile a little.

"Up the Bracket" by the Libertines
Ok, I hate that this track starts with some guy yelling really weirdly, because I always skip that.The tune itself is pretty slick. British rock group. I like that the tune is totally outside my predictions. And it has this neat little guitar riff that I like. Stupid opening yell. It ruins the whole thing.

"Haiti" by Arcade Fire
I love this song. It was actually the first of their songs that I ever heard (grade 11 french class WOOOO!). And I love how it flips between english and français. It's a beautiful melody, and it sets a beautiful mood. All mournful and warm. Haiti's still a mess eh? :(

"My Apologies" by The Hush Sound
Enh. Don't care. It's nice, I guess.

"Run Like Hell" by Pink Floyd
These guys were pure genius in every way. How do they make those noises? I don't know, but I truly enjoy them.The lyrics in the second verse do make me smirk though. Hehe.

Ok need to go bye!

From my bathroom.

Just like those million times in my childhood, I've come here for shelter. The light is bright and the walls are a confusing, comforting shade of cream. I remember when they painted it pink instead and my mother almost killed the interior decorator.

But no one will bother me for a while. The door is locked and everyone is occupied. My older sister is talking to her fiancee online. The younger one (bless her) is making me macaroni for lunch. My mom and dad are engaged in office matters.

I love to just sit in here on the floor. The wireless signal is like super good in here too. Wish I had something softer to sit on though.

It may be that my older sister won't be home next Christmas. That's a relief to me more than anything. She irritates me a lot. No, dear, you are not inherently right just because you are older. I've worked hard to learn what I know, and now that I know it I won't back away.

This weekend:

I've developed some new plans and policies, mostly in regards to evenings which include both friends and alcohol. My angry, angry tummy was involved in the decision making process, as was the lack of money in my bank account. See if you can figure out what I came up with.

Those people who came out to see if they wanted to buy Jemma didn't work out. The lady had given me the impression that she had experience and was looking to get back into it, but she was really a complete beginner, so there was no way she would have worked out with that crazy horse.

That being said, I need to go to TSC and buy a broom for Lynn and Doug for Christmas. They are so awesome.

Monday, December 14, 2009

I'm selling Jemma

Or trying to, anyway.

I'm freaking out about it very much.

In the end, it's not the financial pressure that's made my mind up. I know I would be able to pay for school and Jemma somehow, and I would have figured out ways to see her from time to time, because she's very important to me.

Basically I decided that I have no right to be spending that much money on myself. There are people in the world in desperate situations, and the best thing I can spend my money on is an animal that I get to hug occasionally?

All things considered, I know this is a good thing to do and I'm 100% certain that I'm making the right decision. But I will miss going out to the barn and hanging out with Doug and Lynn and giving Jemma carrots and hugs and kisses and riding in the pinery and having an excuse to escape from any social situation that I don't want to be in and... Jem in general.

So wish me luck. I have a potential buyer coming out on Sunday, and I have to break this news to Lynn and Doug and Emily and my family.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I had a dream last night. It was long and trippy, but I won't bother you with details.
But I had Peter Fahey's baby.
I thought you should know.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I didn't like work tonight. I wanted to think, but I couldn't get anything in my mind moving until about 2am. It was very frustrating to feel the factory walls around my mind.

I am reading Blue Like Jazz again, and I know I've oozed about this books before, but allow me to ooze again. It's just very comforting right now. Miller's writing style is familiar and engaging; it makes a person feel at home. He makes a comment about how he would prefer not to be some days. Not that he's suicidal, but it's just too much bother. How did he get inside my brain?

Here's something he quoted from C.S. Lewis:
All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals that I seek'
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Hm Hm Hm.

I'm sorry if that was less than illuminating. It's not the best poetry I've read. I assume my dear Mr.Lewis scribbled it off in a few minutes. It's sincere though, and I believe that's what counts.

Here's another bit from the book that some of you might relate to a little more:
"The older you get, the more you understand there is no Wizard of Oz, just a shmuck behind a curtain."
Two things: I love the word shmuck!
And notice how he says 'understand'? He's not trying to say that there is magic and we have to believe like when we were kids. He's saying there's no magic when we're kids either, and it's important to know that.

I'll try to keep from quoting it to you too much, although it's so calming to read.

I'm eating a bowl of rice and it's got pieces of that black wild rice in it and one of them looks like MEALWORM and it's near my PILLOW AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Why did my worst nightmare come true today??

Also at work the Weird Army Guy came in early so he talked to me, which I resent. WAG is a Yankee. He was in the army and got shot in the head and has grenade shrapnel in his ribs. I might be a nasty person for saying this but - if I were on the other side, I woulda shot him too. Soooo weird. He's not the funny type of crazy that writes webcomics or raises hamsters. He's the type of crazy that would get mad at someone for sneezing and knife them. So I nod and smile at whatever he says.

I got to work with my old partner tonight too, which would have been nice if the machine had felt like running.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Quick notes

I read today on the BBC that Uganda's president flew from London, UK, to Entebbe in economy class. The article was about how a whole bunch of people were criticizing him for it.

Why on earth would you criticize a man who is trying to set a good example for government officials and civil servants in his own country? He wants to show that it's a viable option, and that there's no need for government employees to spend ridiculous amounts of money on necessary trips. I support his action very much. It's wonderful to see that a leader is willing to make the sacrifices that he expects from others. I applaud him, and I'm disgusted with those who view his actions as 'controversial'. There's nothing controversial about a leader willing to live by the standards he sets for other; it is always a good thing. I hope that other world leaders can take notice of this, and that Ugandans will value what their leader is trying to do.


MLIA. It should stand for My Life Is Awesome. Because if all those stories are indicating the average, my life is pretty sub-standard. I used to really enjoy the site, but it's starting to get old. It makes me sad because no matter what rut societies get into, they're still ruts. This one was really fun for a while, but now it's starting to rub me the wrong way. Either bring the stories back to average, or change the A to Awesome.
Furthermore, all these stories about kids' parents or teachers prove something that I've suspected for a while. When you're a kid, it's not that your parents aren't cool; you haven't caught up to them yet. I think that all older people are funny and awesome in their way, but act "grown up" either because they're dead tired from working or because they need to have some sort of authority.
Except my mother, but that's a different issue altogether.
So an older person with a funny sense of humour and an arsenal of witty, edgy comments is truly average.

That is all.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I may be a horrible person...

I was doing some research on mood/mental disorders this morning, and caught myself diagnosing everyone in my acquaintance.

I am sorry. I'm sure you all are normal, stable, and healthy.

But if the shoe fits... throw it at the person who handed it to you.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

So last night I think I went a littttle bit um.... crazy.

I'm almost back to normal though.

It's just that I got too much happiness from the movie Pirate Radio (aka The Boat That Rocked) and had somewhat of an episode. There were some injuries, but I think they will heal.

Over the course of a lot of thought, it dawned on me that I might actually have something of a mood/mental disorder. Right now I'm still so high on happy that I'm not too concerned about the implications of this.

On the upside, my brother has his baby back. Wooo

Friday, December 4, 2009

Crack Cookies

They were these awesome chocolate/coffee cookies that were MAD DELICIOUS and awesome for attacks of the munchies at 3am in Elmira on a weekend.

I am so sad.

But work was not a bad time. Our foreperson didn't show up, so the poor guy who supervises afternoon shift had to stay till 6am (he starts at 3pm and is back in later today). Anyway, I was on the same line as The Annoying Guy Who Talks A Lot and Smiley Guy. Basically my 2 un-faves. The AGWhoTAL and I started out just us, and he told me he requested that I was put on the line with him cuz I know what I'm doing more than anyone. I was very happy to hear that, and he went up a few points in my estimation :). So we worked through the first order super fast, and then when we switched to the second order we got SG over and he started right in on being obnoxious. Oh well. We made him seal bags for a while, but then we traded him for a different guy after break. Since I was now sealing bags, I jacked up the line speed and we ran like magical bunnies on meth until the sealer broke and we had to wait for Old Man Maintenance to fix it. Everyone on our shift calls him SuperDave, which I think is cute. Anyway, then we ran like more magical bunnies on speed until we had to switch to a different product. We got SG back then and kept running at high speed and made him pack the skids until he started whining about how it was "too fast". The AGWhoTAL and I made fun of him, and went faster. Then the owner of the factory came in and gave us our Christmas bonus checks.

All in all a nice night.

I came home this morning and my mother started pestering me and I relapsed into book angst so now I feel kinda like a magical meth bunny quitting cold turkey. Where is my happy fix? Boing!

So now that I've thoroughly weirded away anyone normal...

I will "play my piano and sing my little song".

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Ok, so I have this horse.
And I have no money. Or rather, next year when I'm living on my own and trying to pay for school and stuff I will have no money. She's getting to be high maintenance and I don't think I could really sell her.

What do I do? I love her to death, and I don't want to put her in a situation where she's not well cared for. But I can't exactly sacrifice my future for her, you know?

Nothing averts an identity crisis like hugging a fuzzy warm animal.

Ahhhhh.... maybe I'll have to cut back on my spending. No more Bluenotes, phone, or Orange Julius.


Monday, November 30, 2009

Crazy Dream!

I was watching movies at Floradale School with my mom and my sister, when it was suddenly time for me to go to work. I was on my way out when my little sister ran up behind me asking for a ride. I was going to ouer house anyway, so I don't know why I told her no. But I did. On our way up there our brakes failed and we did this crazy spin through an intersection and were only narrowly avoided by a bus. Then we were kinda continuing on when we saw a car leap off the road into our neighbours' back yard (they are an older couple). We stopped to ask them about it and thy didn't seem to know anything about it. Out of the blue Esther asked them "Hey, are you guys lonely? Cuz my friend and I could come visit you." But they said they were ok.
I was going to head over to work then, and I stopped in Floradale for some reason. I went to look at something out of the car (oh yeah, I was driving the Impala) and when I came back my brother and his friends had dropped it in a ditch.
I was freaking out cuz I had to be at work and then Vanessa was there with her van at the garage getting the vaccuum fixed.
I was wandering about Floradale, which was suddenly a very hopping place. I texted my brother and he said to meet him at the bar. Esther had to wait outside as I went in to find him. Suddenly Emily texted me and was like "I see you!"
I went out and found her hanging out with this guy named Jim that I met at school last year. And he's like "I love you!"
So I go back to my car and it's still in the ditch and as I was crossing the road I see these two people riding a miniature horse and it falls over and they're squishing it. I run up and start yelling at them about how it's abusive and they said they were with Horseback adventures and that they were going to do something about it.
I was at a tourist information booth then and was trying to get the phone number for Horseback Adventures and the guy just kept handing me horse brochures but they weren't helpful.
Realizing it was like 4 am, and that my car was still in the ditch, and that my brother and his friends had gone home and that the garage was not helping me out, and that I was horribly late for work, I was very upset.
I went back to my car and told Vanessa and Emily they could go, that I would be fine. Out of the blue, Jim walks up to me with a paper that I have trouble reading under the streetlight. It's a piece of paper ripped out of a brochure that says "Proposal notice" and he wrote his name beside it. (Apparently this means he was asking me to marry him...) So I gave him a big hug. (Apparently that means yes?)
I was really starting to wonder why work and parents had not called me. I was freaking out about being late for work, so I woke up.
I looked at my phone and it was 10:49. My alarm is for 10:50. It is now 11 and I must go.

That was so weird

Work Thinks

I tend to have good thoughts at work now.
Not particularly happy, but worthwhile types of though.
Unfortunately when I get home I go directly to bed and forget everything. I have the memory span of a goldfish :)

Today, however, something stayed with me as I slept. No, it was not shirtless Jacob.

It was a character from the book I'm reading. Hard Times by Charles Dickens. I know I know, another book by dickens that will make me super angsty and miserable. Two characters, actually, have me very worried.
Louisa and Tom. They are brother and sister, and their father is known in the book as "the eminently practical". I know from another source that Louisa will be forced to marry a horrible man, and that she eventually turns into the same type of person as him, and Tom will always be miserable.

I dunno if it's good for me to be upset about these characters. My reasoning is that they are caricatures of real life. I've explained all that before.

Baaaah book angst. Knowing that it's entirely based on a fictional circumstance does not resolve the problem.

Screw you, Dickens

Friday, November 27, 2009

I want to curl up in a ball
Hidden away
Under rocks and leaves
And the merciful, melodic rain
Where not even my thoughts can find me

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Alright, my dears. I am 19 as of yesterday. I thought about it a lot. I even kind of had a psychotic episode at work because of it, but now I am ok.

I made a resolution though, while talking to Lynn and Doug at the barn:

I will never stop celebrating my brithday.
I will always take time to be happy that I'm alive
I will buy myself a chocolate bar or something, and be thankful that I can taste it.
I will do something nice for someone, so that they are also happy that I'm alive.

What is life if we won't live it and love it?
It is stupid, that's what.

I am not a collection of atoms bundled in to cells, tissues, organs, and systems.
I am a living, breathing, loving, knowing being.

I intend to continue as such.
I am what and who I am.
I will definitely continue to change and grow, but I will not stop living until I die.

And I love you all, my dears. Happy my Birthday!

It's a little late, yeah.

Friday, November 20, 2009

So I'm still sick. I don't know what malevolent beast has taken up residence in my tumbly, but it's a kinder on than has taken up residence in my social life.

I'm not going to talk about that though.

Last night my dad invited this guy over for dinner. He was around 86. All of his friends are already dead and his wife died 6 months ago. His only son lives in the U.S. so I'm thinking he's probably pretty lonely. He was really interesting though. He kept cracking zippy little one liners, which made me giggle. He was in the service during WWII. He never went into action, though. He was going to be deployed to Japan but they dropped a bomb before he got there. He had mine duty on the East Coast. In the navy I guess. He had changed the information on his baptismal certificate to get into the army a year early. Apparently they didn't even look at his paperwork when he applied. "If you were stupid enough to sign up" it didn't really matter if you were old enough. They just needed people that weren't dead.

Two things:

Heck of a life. Hat off to you, sir. Doesn't that make my drama a bit silly? I should join an army, and see how much I care about boys, who's mad at who, or even babies. Not that I care much now...

Also, I don't want to be old. Nope. Not for me.

Guessing I should sleep some more.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

rubik's cube?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sick day

Or night. Whatever.

I went to sleep around 1130 last night, thinking it would be a quick one because I had slept in the day and had a nap.

While worming my way from dreaming into conciousness I realized that someone was up. I heard my parents talking, which made no sense. I wriggled around in my brain a bit more trying to make it fall into place. I felt around my headboard for my cellphone but I couldn't find it. I opened up my laptop and peeked at the time. 6:16. PM? No, that clock is in 24hr time. Crap, I slept all night.

And had a weird dream, no less. Something about if I could talk for 7 minutes straight I would be entered for a trip for myself and 2 friends to Lebanon. I kept trying to find stuff to talk about and just sucking at it.

Anyway, I'm glad I stayed home from work. When I woke up my tummy still hurt and I'm still a bit tired.

However, before my family got up and noisy, I was able to memorize the first declension of latin nouns and the first conjugation of verbs. I'm pretty durn proud of myself.

Agricola laborat. The farmer works. Oh yes he does.

I still need to listen to a track of that Greek cd, but that's only like 5 mins.

I feel like I'm finally accomplishing something worthwhile. This is the stuff I want to learn, and I'm actually able to motivate myself to learn it. If language skills were bombs, I could rule the world. Thats how I feel right now, anyway.

I hope you all have beautiful days full of hope and wonder.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


They upset me.

Do all people's relationships wind up like this? As soon as no one is listening then they are blaming each other for stupid things and arguing about decor and never are willing to listen to each other.

It's started to be about the weddings now (my brother's and sister's).

My mother gets all sulky and whiny and acts like a 12 year old if she doesn't get her way.
My father "knows" he's always right and is very patronizing.

I'm like them both.
And it upsets me.

I want to live in a world of books, where fights always have endings and people always have reasons and the same crap doesn't claw away at you for years and years until your mind is cut into a billion little pices that don't fit together right anymore. The longest a book will haunt me is a day or two, but then I read something happy.

I just want to sleep for a couple months, wake up in a sunny field with someone I love (and who loves me, and just wander around the planet holding hands.

But I have work tomorrow.

And my mother is sulking.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I am sad.
I don't know why.
I was sad when i went to work last night.
And then i got happy when i was there
And i was happy when i was home in the morn
And now i am sad again.

This is tiring

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

My brothers in the ground
Weep for their lives
Their sobs turn to poppies
So I will not forget

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Spontaneous overtime. My soul is ouch.


Hurrah for newly discovered old things!!!
I've known about the author O. Henry (pen name) for a while. My dad read me a story by him when I was a kid. The other week when he went to B.C., my dad got a big collection of his short stories and I'm reading them at random.

THEY ARE SO GOOD!! They are super light-hearted in the Stephen Leacock sense. They're nice to read cuz I know I won't burst into tears at work and cause my coworkers endless confusion. I'm a fan! Also, I had never heard a woman riding a bicycle compared to a sack full of angry cats slung over a clothesline.

O. Henry has also reaffirmed my theory that American literature is obsessed with happy endings (Steinbeck is an exception who makes me want to cry after reading like 1/2 a page). All of Henry's stories pan out so nice and jolly for everyone.

Maybe that's why, in spite of my malevolent tumbly, I'm feeling thoroughly groovy.

I'll have to quote more O. Henry. And eat more Oh! Henry.


Monday, November 9, 2009


I don't like 'em, as a rule.

But I got chicken nuggets from McD's and a really awesome iTunes shuffle out of this one, and a really awesome talk with Lynn, my barn manager.


I suspect I might just be in a good mood, but I don't really know.

So yay monday :)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

the ROM

As in the Royal Ontario Museum.

I went with a bus load of people from my parents' church to see the Dead Sea Scrolls and I had a lot of fun! Allow me to outline the day

I got home from work around 745 and showered and so forth and we got to the church (from whence we were leaving) at like 9. The bus ride there was unpleasant because we were sittling 3 to a seat and i was like falling into the aisle.

We got to the museum and everyone was supposed to go on a guided tour through the scrolls but my little sister and I got bored and took off. We went through the exhibit ourselves and then got delicious soup and hot chocolate in the café.

Then we went and saw the China/Japan/Korea exhibit and the biodiversity one and the gems/minerals one and the Rennaissence/European history one and the dinosaurs.

We met up with our Asian friend and went through the China exhibit again. It was a little more funny the second time.

We then located the best exhibit in the place! It was this big monument carved all over with the names of museum sponsors and it looked like a chunk of stone but when you touched it it would light up where you touched. We played with it for half an hour and almost missed our bus.

On the bus ride home, the weirdest thing happened. I was talking to people, which is weird in itself, but something even stranger happened. I was, for about an hour, popular. Everyone was listening to what I said and laughing at my jokes and wanting to talk to me. I know this is probably a weird thing to point out, but it is highly peculiar. I'm not a centre of attention person, really. I was able to sort of get past my shyness and talk to people and it worked out nicely. This is encouraging and worrying. I'm encouraged to do it more because it seemed like I wasn't a social retard. It's worrying because I don't want to be the type of person who likes to be the pinnacle of every situation and blathers away over top of everyone because she is the "most important". Frik, though, it's awesome when people listen to you. It's better than caffeine.

Maybe that's why people have always loved to be popular. The world makes more sense now.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Nov. 5

Remember, remember the Fifth of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot.
I see no reason why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Is remembering things actually important? You can't change the bad times and you can't bring back the good times.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Remembrance Day

In honour of Nov. 11, I'm rereading All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque .

I think it's one of the best anti-war arguments in the world.

I also think you should read it.

Monday, November 2, 2009


Because I don't make them at new years, I made one last night.

I will go today and buy a planner, and it will contain my life, and I will abide by it in all areas of planning and commitments.

Aka: if you want to hang out, you're gonna need an appointment!

"How does Thursday lunch sound?"
"Can you swing that before you fly to Munich?"
"I'll pencil you in."
"Have your people call my people."
"I like those jammies ;)"

Sunday, November 1, 2009


I had fun!
Especially when everyone finally got there, and in spite of a particular someone's presence.

I'm pretty sure I've hurt someone badly, and they might never trust me again. I feel bad about this, but I've already explained why it is the way it is. I hope this person understands that although I didn't behave ideally, everything is still fine. I wouldn't change the decisions I made if I could. I helped, if you can believe that.

Sorry to everyone else for directing this post mostly to someone specifically. It's not regular blog protocol, but it was necessary.

I get to hang out with camp ppl yaaaaaay!
And I have lots of candaaaaaaaay!

Friday, October 30, 2009

I have things to say

Most of them are nonsensical.

Most of them have to do with books.

Most of them resulted from the X-Large timmie's coffee i had at work tonight. May I say that the buzz has been productive! I only got off shift an hour ago and I've cleaned my room, gotten my laundry going, changed my sheets, and am now blogging. Hurrah!

Ok so, thoughts:

I have just finished reading Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens) for the second time. That being said, I skipped all the parts about people who weren't Oliver. I reserve the right to skip through books.

This made me think about how different writers use their peripheral characters.

Dickens is a happy ending kinda of guy. Mostly. He likes everyone to be happy except for one person who dies. In "The Old Curiosity Shop" 2 people died, but I think we can all agree that was the only plausible ending. In the "Tale of Two Cities", Sydney Carton gets offed so that everyone else can have a happy ending. In this one, it was just this random kid that Oliver knew from his childhood and I honestly believe that he was inserted to make the reader cry, so that the book wasn't too over-the-top-ly perfect. Also, all the little street rat guys that Oliver meets just confuse me. I can never remember who is who, except the Artful Dodger, because that is an awesome name. Anyway, I think that the peripheral characters are kind of like story props for Dickens. "I want to make them sad a little too so they won't realize this is a rags-to-riches stor that has been done like 100000 times before. I could have the kid die.... No, no. That would be TOO sad, and I've done that once before anyway. Ooh, what if his only childhood friend dies? But I don't have space in the plot for a bff. Ok, well, he can say nice things to Ollie as they separate and then when lil' Twist goes back to the hometown for the finale, he will search for his best friend Dick (just like me!) and find out the poor kid died! Perfect!"
It's not that I think Dickens is silly or anything, it's just that one thing that bothered me.

All that being said, Dickens is one cheeky little snot. Hates doctors and magistrates and rich people and foster parents and the government and basically EVERYONE except for the ones who live lives of piety in crime filled slums. He's very sarcastic about it all, and it makes me giggle.

Now, I want to compare this to Victor Hugo. If Dickens is sarcastic, Hugo is morose. He uses his supporting characters as target practice. He starts with the least important ones and works up to the lead characters and just picks them off with gallows, guillotines, cliffs, fights, illness, starvation, etc. Thoroughly depressing. Somehow, though, it doesn't feel like he puts those characters in to get an emotional reaction. His writing style makes a reader feel like those people, although they weren't central to the book's plot, they were central to a plot of a different story, and just happened to get squished by this other story. I think the main difference here is that Hugo fattens up his characters before butchering them. They seem more like actual characters and people and you really do mourn their loss because many times they're real. Real in the sense that throughout the course of history there have been many people who had this very thing happen to them. Hugo will write a peripheral character who did not exist, but represents a body of people who lived under similar circumstances. The characters' needs, pains, wishes, losses, and deaths are sad because of the thousands that they represent. I want to give the example of the random old man in the book "Les Miserables". He's starving to death because he has no pension, and his son won't speak to him. He's too proud to beg and he's too old to work. He's selling off all his possessions one by one to buy the food he needs to live just one more day. Finally, all he has left is one book: his favourite. He goes out in the morning to sell it, knowing that the meal he buys will be the last meal he will eat. He doesn't actually die of starvation, though! Happy news, eh? He's shot instead :P. Thanks for the happy ending, Hugo.

Sometimes I think that Hugo could let a few more of them live, you know? Like in the Hunchback of Notre-Dame, did you reallly reeeeealllly have to kill Esmerelda's mother too? Honestly, you got all the main characters. Sheesh.

Anyway, I don't know whether I prefer having peripheral characters made for emotional manipulation or social caricature. I think I might prefer the Hugo approach. I need to read more of both him and Dickens before being certain.

Here are some other thoughts:

My friend is moving away from Elmira, and I don't know what I shall doooooo! She's moving to a pretty awesome place though. Her uncle has thes awesome old house in K-town and she's got this adorable little room with slanty ceilings and crawlspaces! I love it!

I've also figured out what exactly the plan is for when I move back to Guelph and I'm really pumped about it!!! Woooo!!!!

And my friend from camp is returning from New York (state) so we're going to hang out with him on Sunday!

And tomorrow is HALLOWEEN!!!!

HALLOWEEN + Schildroth + Living Arrangements + Addea's new place + my IKEA party + coffee = A Very Happy Becca.

I love you all. May something awesome happen to you today!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

I enjoy writing little songs and poems.
They are mostly crappy.
But at least I'm having fun!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My Bday

This year is going to ROCK!
If everything works out.

My dear friend Calvin met for a quick cup of tea and chatting and planning. One of the things that came up randomly was having a fancy party in IKEA. And we couldn't figure out when to do it so...

My bday party this year will be held in IKEA in Mississauga. Full day event, either on the 21st or 28th. Scavenger hunts, costumes, dance-offs to the ALICE ALICE GET MORE PIE song, and much, much more!

You have no idea how excited I am to do something stupid again! I'ts been so long!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Oh, Quebec!

I’m waiting for the train. First time I’ve ever had to.
I freaked out when I got ere this morning because I thought they would do checked baggage here, but apparently Guelph is too hick for that. Oh well. It will work out alright.

I’m happy I have my lappity top-top (that’s what my little sister calls it). I can listen to music once I’m on the train. I’m totally gonna sleep for the first like 3 hours to Toronto though. I was up late last night watching The Italian Job again (3rd time this week) and I was up early this morning to get here.

My dad says one meets interesting people on a train, and so I’m currently scoping out the prospects. There’s an older lady sitting down just across from me in the station here. She’s dressed nicely in black and has that peculiar “old fashionable lady” look going on. She asked the ticket guy about parking and whether the train was on time and old person-y stuff like that. There’s a student aged girl at the window right now, trying to figure out student pricing stuff. She looks like she’s going to Toronto for the day. I think most of these people would just be going to the T-dot. The older lady just greeted a gentleman who came in. This seems to be a small world, THis station is tiny and kind of grungy, but I like it.
A grey haired middle aged lady just sat down in an antisocial manner facing away from me. She looks a bit stressed. I think she’s traveling further than TO because she’s checking out the map of Canada on the wall. Actually, she reminds me of my mom in some way and it scares me. The previously mentioned gentleman (who is actually just an older dude with a backpack) seems to b traveling with her.

I wish I had net access here. It displays a whole bunch of networks, but all of them are locked. Some of the names are pretty funny, like “terrorists”.

Thus far I’m thoroughly pleased at the lack of security. No horrible lines, no having to take off your shoes and belts (if I took off my belt, my pants would likely fall off. they’re on the large side). This may be my newest officially endorsed mode of transportation. My only other officially endorsed modes of transport are stowing away and road trips, neither of which are easy. Here is a helpful table (I included sailing because that’s got a bid in for endorsement):

(Sorry that the quality is a bit crap. I had to make it a picture because Blogger can't handle tables.)
So you can guess the mode of transport on my next trip.... And you can see why sailing is not yet officially endorsed (I really like that word. Endorsed. Heh.).

Anyway, I’m going to preserve battery for later...s

I am now on the train and I love it. It stops a lot though.
As soon as I closed my laptop i the station, things got interesting. Or rather, the people did. There was this older fellow, around 50 or 60 I think, and he was clearly a character. He looked like the hero of “The Catcher in the Rye” all growed up. He had this hair that had ben styled all floppy over in the front, and aviator glasses, and a knee length brown wool jacket. He had a peculiar walk; shuffling and light at the same time. He kept pacing around the station as if he was being followed...
There was also a kid about my age and his mom. He smelled good (he sat right behind me) and had the same headphones as I do! I felt bad for the mom though, because she kept making little jokes and he just kind of ignored her, Hm. Anyway, the TO station is coming up.... On to Montréal!

I keep expecting these trains to be emptier. This one only has a dozen or so seats left in the whole car. I’m guessing those will be filled soon also. I’m a bit concerned that I’ll run out of laptop power. I haven’t seen any electrical outlets. i believe I’ll listen to music and read for a bit. Can I close the lappy and still hear music with headphones? Must figure out.

Later: cannot listen with Appy closed. Appy is now my name for my computer.
TRAIN RIDE IS RIDICULOUSLY LONG! And not all that interesting. The lady sitting next to me is the quiet bookish type. Middle aged and too polite to start a conversation with a young punk like me.

I’m really thirsty. I just want water. Montreal is about an hour away i think.

I’m listening to Blue Imelda by Final Fantasy. I think it’s suiting that I listen to a song by a Canadian musician while passing through the awesome canadian landscape. There’s no place like this, it’s true. Except I believe I’m gonna be in Quebec very soon.

Anyway, I’ve watched Aladdin, and come to some decisions. Jasmine is pretty cool, as Disney princesses go. I would like to say that the scripting is pretty mediocre. Just very... cliché lines and story arcs and such.

Tell Me Something Good by Chaka Kahn and Rufus Thomas. Heart!

Just to give you a concept of time, it is now about 4:50, and I started at about 10.
Much more comfy now though. The lady sitting next to me got off at Dorval so I put up the arm rest and now have 2 seats and a plug-in for Appy.

Ok so it’s about quarter after 9. I’ve just been kind of dozing and listening to music for the last hour and a bit. I had a pretty bad headache from the stop in montreal, but I feel better. I got a drink of water there and had a bit of food so I feel really nice now.
Montreal was cool but scary. I love the city, It’s got this wonderful angsty undertone which I just love, but it still scares me a bit. I’d like to live there for a few months. Example: an angry looking man just handed me a pillow. Montreal is all about the juxtaposition.

That being said, I had a very unfortunate conversation with this person from the hotel that’s supposed to be picking me up at the train station with a shuttle tomorrow when I arrive. I really couldn’t explain what I wanted in French and she didn’t know enough English to understand. (Angry man now gives blanket!) So I really don’t know how I’m getting to the hotel tomorrow.

The guy in front of me has internet and I’m jealous! I also watched sneakily from the seat behind him when he was watching Underworld. The fact that I didn’t have sound made it all the funnier. He’s a pretty entertaining person anyway. He’s got poofy nerd hair :D

I love that I’m listening to Jack Johnson right now. I think of all the times sitting in my house or res and I wanted to just get out of it and be somewhere else. Finally, I am going somewhere else. I’m all on my own, so it’s good I’m in Canada. I feel though, as if I might do something absolutely unexpected. I’ve got no one to answer to. On the other hand, I feel like the reason that I never do unexpected things is that I’m the same person all the way through. At least right now it feels like it. I remember thinking at one point earlier today that I really wanted to get in a bar fight with someone who is clearly going to beat me. Don’t ask, because I don’t know.

Ben Folds! Camp! A friend of mine from camp that I’ve always been particularly a fan of is going to be back in waterloo region from New York at the start of next month. I’m really looking forward to seeing him. Also, this song pwns (Philosophy by Ben Folds Five).

A long time ago (ok, like a year ago) I dloaded a bunch of music from this band called the Silversun Pickups. I’ve never really gotten a chance to listen to them because in the same dload batch/frenzy I discovered the Arctic Monkeys and they kind of stole my heart and mind for a while. These guys are really good though. They remind me of Jefferson Airplane, with a bit of a melancholy turn.

It’s weird to spend the night on a train. I watched Anastasia and The Lion King and around 1 I decided to sleep. It’s not that I wasn’t comfortable, although space was tight. My legs kept falling asleep, which was very frustrating. I woke up every hour or so, and now other people are starting to wake up. It’s quarter after 6 and I’m very sleepy. I want some water, but I’m rather scared to go find it. There appears to be something wrong with the train because the operators are tearing up and down the aisles with their walky-talkys blaring.

It’s 830. I never went to find water, I fell asleep. When I woke up it was all frosty trees and hills and little streams.
I’ve just caught my first glimpse of the ocean. I honestly didn’t know it was this beautiful here. There’s something about knowing this water is Canadian that makes it different from seeing the ocean in Florida or Cuba. It’s a different colour too. Near in it’s a grey, slate blue, and it fades away into navy.

I’m also trying to figure out what the train whistle procedure is. Do the just whip it out any time or are there specific times it’s forbidden or required? I would ask someone but I’m a whimp...

Well I’m here. Actually this is my second day. Sunday.

I was very worried getting off the train. I didn’t know for sure if the shuttle was going to be meeting me. Fortunately there was a very nice older fellow on the train who was bilingual and helped me find the shuttle. As we were driving to the hotel the driver (he was about 55 or so) pointed out various cool things to do and see.

My room is very cute and the bathroom window has a nice view of Mount Ste-Anne. I settled in and went for a stroll. I got postcards for people at home and a hat for myself because my ears were freezing. I found a little dépaneur and got myself a bottle of Australian red wine and Ah! Caramels and Chef Boyardee. This is a healthy trip! I think I might stop back there again and get some cereal and milk.

Anyway, I just used last night to relax. I had a glass of wine and much junk food and watched movies and that sort of thing. Slept from like 1:30 till noon. Showered and dressed and set out.

The shuttle guy had mentioned that one could hike Mount Ste-Anne and he said that the path started behind the church. I chouldn’t see the church, so I went to a little tourist info thing and asked and got a map and info on boat tours also. Turns out the path was right close by so I set out directly from the info place for a little hike.

The hiking trails here are a bit different from hiking trails in Ontario. Usually if there’s a large incline to be surmounted, the trails zigzag up it so that one’s legs don’t die. This is not the same here. It’s like the Québecois said, “Oh, you want to get to the top? THEN GO STRAIGHT UP! Your legs are dying? SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS!”. Except they spoke French. Even though my butt is gonna hurt like crazy tomorrow, I really enjoyed it. It was so beautiful with the trees turning colour on the mountains and the ocean spread out around and it was absolutely silent. There wasn’t any wind and only a few birds left, because most have gone south.

I want to come back here next summer with like everyone I know. It would be fun to all go whale watching and hang out in the mountains and stuff. I’m going for a boat tour of Rocher-Percé and Île-de-Bonaventure tomorrow. Should be pretty cool, and offer some pretty sick photo ops.

I think I’ll go out for dinner tonight. Maybe I can talk to someone? Hm.

Also, I think I'll post all of my trip to this same post, so check back for edits.

Mon, 11am.

Unfortunately, the lady at the tourist info place was mistaken about there being a boat tour today. I woke up at 9, and had breakfast in the hotel café and walked down to the wharf to find it completely deserted. I strolled around but I couldn't find anyone. I went up to a shop that advertised as having tickets to "croisières des baleines" and inquired about it, and the lady there said that tomorrow at 10am there will be one. So I went to the post office to get stamps for postcards and then wandered about. I hiked up to the lookout point on Mount Joli and checked out the super weird sculpture that's in the middle of a field... it was a bunch of logs and cables and rocks, and I didn't get it.

I turned around to leave the sculpture and I saw something white move. It was a snowy owl! She looked at me and I looked at her for a while. I think it was female because she wouldn't leave her spot, so I think it was her nest. I got a few pics. She kept turning her head like all the way backwards. It's the first time I've ever seen an owl in the wild. She was very pretty. Owls are my new favourite bird. Actually, I don't know that I had a favourite before.... Anyway, I left her to sit on her nest; I didn't want to disturb her.

After that I found a path to the beach and wandered along there for a bit. The beaches here are pebbles and dark sand. It's pretty crazy colours because there are mostly red stones, but some are green and some are a crazy shade of cream or beige. It makes for a psychedelic walk.

I walked back through town and picked up some Halls Vitamin C things at the pharmacy. I don't want to get a cold and my body isn't used to all this cold air and wind and such. Now I'm back at my room considering what to do with the rest of my day. I think I'll write postcards. Woot :D


I got postcards done. I have leftovers, so if you suspect you're not getting one just make sure i have your address and i'll send one!

So I've been doing a bit of research on the area. First off, I constantly see signs about "du pêche" or "pêcheur" and I always thought that was a peach. Turns out that as a verb, it means to fish, but as a noun it means peach. "Hey guys, let's go peaching!"
Also, you have to be careful with pronounciation, because while "un pêcheur" is a fisherman, "un pécheur" is a sinner. I'm sure none of the scary sailor guys I've seen about would find the mix up altogether funny....

Also, there's constantly pictures of these birds on everything! The are the fou-de-bassan, or gannets. The nest like mad on the Île-de-Bonaventure, but they're pretty common all over the North Atlantic. I think they're pretty cool looking.

I went out for lunch at a restaurant just down the street, and I ordered "Gratin de crevettes". I didn't fully understand from the menu that it would be SO FREAKING AWESOME! Hehe, basically it was shrimp cooked in garlic and buried in mozzerella cheese. Yummmm! I think I'll go back to the same restaurant on my last night here and get some more yummy food. It's fairly expensive though.

So I'm just chilling in my room with some tea this eve. Gonna watch a few movies. Nothing huge. I'm really enjoying the lazyness here.


Arg. Freezing cold and wallowing in book-based angst. Half a glass of wine will fix the first, but I really can't shake the second.

I'm reading Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. And I'm losing most of my happiness. The writing is very, very good and the characters are so lovely, but it's all gonna fall apart by the end because my father told me about it.
I really resent stories that end badly. I think that's why I watch movies. Easy now Becca, life is beautiful.
It's not really. The world is a place where a lot of people get hurt and then get angry and hurt other people. The ones who won't hurt get beaten further and further down until nobody notices them.
I'm sure to cry next time I see a rabbit.

Tues, 919am

I didn't go out last night. I sat on msn and talked to people and ended up causing quite a ruckus.

All in all, I'm much further ahead as a person because of like 6 conversations with good friends.

wHales!! I leave in like 10 mins for the cruise and I'm listening to Laura Marling and it's a beautiful morning!



Heh, can you tell I'm pumped to ooze about the boat tour?

Well, there weren't any whales. We didn't go far enough out for that. We just went close up to Percé Rock and all the way round Bonaventure Island.

Well! It was magnificent! At first I was a little concerned for my personal safety because a) the boat looked like a floating dump truck and b) the second in command on the boat had long biker-ish hair and was carrying a bundle of beating sticks. But it turns out the boat was very sturdy and the biker-esque man had a very nice face (weather worn, yes, but friendly) and sparkly eyes. And the beating stickes were actually canes he carves.

So we headed out and I was a bit pissed off because I missed a lot of really cool photo ops for Rocher-Percé itself because I couldn't get to a window to take a pic. I decided this would not be the case for Bonaventure so I claimed a good spot while everyone else was still on the other side looking at Percé.

It's a spectacular island. The cliffs are much higher than I thought and they have these cool black markings running through them. Every ledge is lined with white gannets nesting. Red rock, vertical black lines, horizonal white lines. It's very beautiful.

It was lovely to be on a boat again, although it had a diesel motor and made ridiculous amount of noise. I love boats, and being on the water. I like the swaying and the fun of trying to neither hold on nor fall over (I tend to fall over).

I haven't mentioned the best thing yet.
We saw SEALS! Gray seals. I'd like to point out for a second that the french word for seal is "phoque" which sounds exactly like a very popular english word ;) It was worth the $25 just to hear a horde of people babbling excitedly about the little phoques.
Ok, but they were so cool! They would poke their noses above water, and you would see them a second, and they would bob out of sight with the waves. They would bob up again a few times and once you had got the rhythm of seeing them and not, they would disappear completely. The noise from our boat caused a bunch of the ones on the beach to race to the water. It was funny to see them run! They totally suck at it! heheh! They are my second favourite marine mammal now. They replaced dolphins.

I think I got some half decent pics, anyway!

Afterward I stopped at a gift shop to get some stuff, and I went to a grocery store I found to get fooood! I now have crackers, cheese strings, granola bars, milk, and an apple for scurvy prevention. Yay! I dunno what I'll do the rest of today. Might do some napping and then walking. Sounds alright to me!

Hehe, phoque

Weds, 313pm

Well I've done absolutely nothing of worth today. And I'm not going to.

I've poked around on youtube, poked around in my iTunes library, poked around in my John Steinbeck collection, and here are my awesome discoveries for the day:

Piggies by The Beatles
Play Crack the Sky by Brand New
Frankenweenie (a short film directed by Tim Burton)
Stainboy Parts 1-6 (more Tim Burton)
The Pixies

Righto~ I'm gonna be more lazy now. I might eat some crackers. Mmm.


RE: Teenage Wasteland by The Who

How is this song so good? It seems to define my life thus far.
IN THREE CHORDS!!! and a wicked solo from a fiddle or something... not sure what that is.
How is this possible? I think we must proclaim that The Who had supernatural powers of rock.

Thurs 742pm

I've realized I say "well" altogether too much and I'm going to try to stoppit.

Today I went for a walk at around 930 to this place called the Grotto by locals. It was a less intense hike than the previous ones, which was nice. I might go back tomorrow, because it was very pretty. Waterfall, green smell.

And then I walked around more places, like Mount Joli. I tried to find my owl friend but there were only feathers.

Then I read John Steinbeck even though I said he was too depressing. I honestly pick up the book and burst into tears. It's good though.

And then I watched youtube vids.

Then I watched The Office (it was an old episode).

Now I'm listening to music and chatting. Yum, Final Fantasy.

How is it that you can think you're getting along just fine without someone and then you talk to them and you're like, "Oh frik we need to hang out because we have the same brain"? Or you think you enjoy someone's company until you find someone who's just way more fun and enlightening?

Revelations, eh? Mountains and msn are a dangerous combo.

Fri, 826am

Crappity. The weather's not nice. Curses!

Here is my dream from yesterday night. I wrote it down but didn't type it up. Enjoy. Oh, and Ben is my 23 yr old brother.

Ben said he was going to fight someone huge. It may have been this one friend of his who is massive, but it may have been a stranger. Don't remember. Anyway, the person wanted to fight me but Ben said he would instead.

We both knew the guy could easily kill either of us.

I was at a stop light off an exit ramp in my car when Ben pulled up on a dirtbike. He told me to take it and get out of there. I put on the helmet and he hopped in the car and we took off. I wasn't altogether good with the bike, so I almost died as we merged onto the Conestogo Expressway. Somehow we knew the guy was close behind us, although we never actually saw him.

Eventully Ben signalled at me to pull over. Now he was also on a motorcycle somehow. As we were discussing on the shoulder of the freeway, a red four wheeler fell off a passing trailer. It crashed onto the gravel and rolled to a stop in the ditch not more than 50m away from us. Ben and I looked at each other and laughed nervously.

We realized somehow that the guy was gaining on us so we started off again. Shortly after passing the Ottawa St. exit, all the cars started going the opposite way from us. After some artful dodging, we came to a construction fence across the road. We bypassed it and the freeway was not a hilly dirt road. It was super wide and smooth though.

We were flying along there when I realized a bunch of Ben's friends were with us. We came to a staircase/ramp combo and for some reason I took the stairs. On my dirtbike. I beat everyone else up though. By the top of the stairs my dirtbike had become a pedal bike.

The stairs came up into an overgrown field, and a forest was nearby. We all hid under this big metal scaffolding thing. We talked for a while, but we noticed off in the distance these two bluish white gleaming discs. They looked a bit like LED headlights far away. We heard some noises too. Someone said the hyenas were coming so we left.

That is all!

Now I'm gonna go seek out some breakfast...


FREAKING COLD!! I actually just went down to the post office and back because it's very windy and FREEZING! There is actually snow on the ground. That being said, I'm gonna get tea made and eat a granola bar and go take pics of Ste-Anne, because it's very pretty.


So I went out a bit but it was soooo cold! I was gonna go out for dinner but the place was closed for the weekend. ???? ? Oh well. I got groceries for the trip on the train tomorrow.

Having this space from my friends has given me a bit of thought, which may or may not hurt some people's feelings.

So you know how you read people's "about me" on facebook or wherever, and they say music or their friends are their "life"? That seems kinda weird to me. Are they not an individual withing their own right?

I love being alone, and I guess that is something that a lot of people don't get. I would never say that my friends are my life, because they simply aren't. I enjoy them, for sure! We have great times, and I don't think there are many people in the world that interact on the level of weird that we do and are not on tv. From tea parties to Sigourney Weaver to screaming about space lions to Sir Edwin the Box, we share a lot of memories and I love these people. But alone I can't say that I feel incomplete, or even lacking.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that I extend, as a being, beyond the people I interact with. I am proud of this.

I watched an episode of Friends today for old times' sake, and it made me laugh, actually. Joey is reading Little Women and Rachel tells him that Beth dies. I was laughing so hard I almost peed. This story has no significance, but it hit me at the moment. There's something beautiful about literature that isn't afraid to include actual death. Yes, it makes me a tempermental spazz muffin, but it's beautiful. I think I go crazy when sad stuff happens in books because I actually trust them. Frik. I just made a major psychological discovery about myself.


Yah, I trust books, and that's why they make me cry and real problems in life don't. I need to get a freaking life. Or a kick in the head. Or a therapist. Or a therapist who will kick me in the head to help me get a life.

Curse you, authors! Steinbeck and Brontë and Kipling (oh he's a freaking MASTER of that stuff) and Alcott and ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO CAN WRITE! You made me socially unfunctional! AAAAAARHHHG!

Hopefully no one reading this post will still be paying attention by this bit. Actually, if they weren't paying attention, I'm sure the caps caught their eye....

Hhah, frik.

Sat, 128pm

So my last day here. I need to go out to meet the shuttle at 245.

This morning I was up early, considering my late night (2am).

If you're wondering why I was up that late, it was in regards to a blog post that I had to delete because it was simply too evil. It was genius, of course, and nor can I take all the credit for its spectacularity, but I had to avert my evil for now. Certain events could loose it, though. Beware!

Anyway, I was up around 830 and got dressed and went for a walk. I went back to the Grotto on the mountain. It was nice because there's snow now. Every time there was a little bit of wind, the trees would bend and the icicles and snow would drop with the prettiest sound. Road was icy, which made it difficult going up and down. I got there and just sat for a bit. It wasn't too cold, but after a while on the rock my bum went right numb.

As I was walking back to the hotel I decided I love this place. I like the seclusion on the mountain, where only nature noise can reach you. I like the ocean, which waves happily but smells like sadness. I feel like the landscape matches my brain, and especially in this season. I want to come back in the summer and go whale watching and sea kayaking. I would love to bring friends to see the mountain (and to keep me busy during the train ride!).

I believe I will come back, if I don't die first.

Ok, also, I'm looking forward to Halloween! Imma be a PIRATE! Candy Eve is the shizz!


From MLIA:
Today, my mom got a call from my little brothers elementary school. His kindergarten teacher went around the circle and asked him what they wanted to be when they grew up. He answered "Happy." The teacher then responded "No...you don't understand the question." My litle brother fired back with "Well, you don't understand life." I now have no doubt we are related. MLIA

I want to buy that kid a puppy and an ice cream cone and tell him he's awesome!

Also, from rock paper cynic:
Life is too short to waste on anything but happiness and bite wounds.

Wherever these people come from, that's where I want to be.


Well I’ve spent the last 3 hours since boarding the train moping, mostly. Listening to sad songs and staring at the sea until it was gone, and generally being a miserable lump.

I don’t really know why I’m moping. I think trains feel, in my mind, like melancholy places. It feels like I’m leaving something behind. I think my brain is under the impression that I’m supposed to be missing someone or something, since I’m traveling. Suck it up, dear, you’re going home.

There was an interesting guy at the train station. An asian fellow, who was from Toronto (we spoke briefly) and he kept taking pictures. I am suspicious that he got a few of me but I was too shy to ask. He kept rearranging his scarf, setting the timer, and taking pics of his back.... I was on the verge of asking if he wanted me to take a pic of him when the train came.

The angry pillow and blanket man is on this train again. Ugh. And the loudest woman in all Québec is sitting in front of me. Oh well.

I’m gonna be sleepy soon, but I’m scared to spread out and sleep because the train will be stopping all night. What if it gets full and someone needs to sit beside me? Ak!


I’ve been sleeping. I don’t know how long. I just drifted off while listening to music to block out the loud lady and her companion with the super annoying voice. I probably got a good 40 mins of sleep though, just from looking at my iTunes. The last song I remember is Nantes and I woke up to Boy Named Sue. Good playlist.

My brain feels a bit numb now from so much music. I think I’ll listen to the train for a while. It makes some cool sounds.

I scammed some crayons at the train station. They were supposed to be packs for little kids, but I really wanted one. Was that childish of me? Enh, who cares. I got purple, green, and red. The other option was black, orange, and red. I believe I got a right slick deal overall.

Train sounds give Becca a headache. Chocolate and a movie!

Sun, 659am

I’ve been watching dawn. It’s only just started, so most of everything is gray. Gray. From the west edge all the way across is dark clouds and patches of slate blue sky. On the very eastern rim of the sky there’s this crack in the clouds, like a seam. It’s lit up with orange, like the whole top of the gray universe is going to pop off and start dancing a can-can.

Annoying ladies are now up and chattering and laughing and being SO DUMB! I want to kick in face!! Old people usually only act like this if they’re drunk. Seriously. Grr...

I didn’t sleep too badly. I waited for the stupid ladies to sleep first. Chocolate and a movie tuned into 3 movies and a couple granola bars.

We’ve just stopped in Drummondville. If the train is running on time, which I think it is, we should be in Montréal in only an hour and 15 mins. Not far.

Oh, did I mention yesterday that I found my parents’ iPod (which has been missing for almost a year) in my backpack? Yeah, I’m in trouble when I get home. Eek.


So I’m done with Quebec, nearly. On my way to Toronto from Montreal. I think we’re about to stop in Dorval.

I just listened to Eleanor Rigby. The song makes me want to hug random strangers. There are a lot of people who don’t have any connections, I think. I hate the thought that someone could go all day and not talk to a single person. It’s possible. Also, I’m likely to be one of those people in another 10 years. If I am nice to strangers now, maybe karma will make them nice to me when I’m an Eleanor Rigby.

Now Cecilia is on. There’s nowt to be sad about when you’re listening to this song. LoveLoveLove. RepeatRepeatRepeat.

AK! Someone just slammed an overhead locker and scared the breath out of me! Frikkity!


I’ve finally sorted through all my Beatles music and I officially have 401 recordings of them! Some of them are the same song but a different version. I also went through all the downloaded songs that didn’t have anything in the iTunes “artist” category and either deleted them or labelled them properly. I feel as if I’ve accomplished something important. My next task is to delete the songs that I don’t like as they come up on my shuffle.

I don’t usually listen to Joe Dassin, but this song just caught my fancy. La Bande a Bonnot. Innnnnteresting.

Every time I go to stare out the window (which is like every 8 seconds) the guy across the aisle gives me this glance. Go back to sleeep, creepy man! Speaking, of creepy, lol: I’m stealthily snooping on the crossword of the guy in front of me. I can read it from the reflection in the window.


In Oshawa. I. AM. SO. BORED.

Honestly. I would like to sleep or die or something!

I watched Juno. I’m thinking of getting a job with VIA rail. Wouldn’t be so bad. Not right now, of course. At some point though.

Mon, 616pm

Big space, I know. I think I'll just summarize until it gets interesting.

Completed train ride to Toronto in deathly boredom.
Spent 2 hours in Toronto pacing and reading and freaking out about the time, because the clocks at the station were wrong.
Boarded train to TO...
And this is where it gets interesting.

As I was getting on, facing 4 parallel rows of grumpy middle aged people, I decided I didn't wanna sit with any of them, and I ended up all the way at the back in the seat reserved for groups of 3 or 4 (because they're all facing each other). I decided I was gonna sit there regardless of reservations. Allow me to diagram the train for you, or else this whole story will be difficult to understand. This is an overhead view, and the direction of the arrow indicates the way the seat faces.

> < >>>>>>>>>> <
> < >>>>>>>>>> <
> < >>>>>>>>>> <
> < >>>>>>>>>> <

Good? So there are little 4 seat clusters.
As I was shoving my backpack into the overhead lockers, the guy behind me asked if there was enough room for his bag too. I said I was sure it would work, and as I scooted into the window seat he shoved his bag into the locker.

He sat down kitty corner facing me. He had very curly, medium brown hair, glasses, and straight teeth. I guessed he was close to my age because he was dressed student-ish and was eating a bagel (pretty standard student food). He was tall, but not the scary skinny type of tall. Just long legs. Across the aisle from us in the other "reserved for groups" seating area was a girl with a cool hat reading a book.

Moments later a group of rich women came storming down the aisle with at least 4 shopping bags apeice, asking where to put them and so on. They were asking each other where to put them, and I pointed out that they would fit behind the seats that faced backward. There were four of these ladies, so the girl across the aisle volunteered to move to sit with the guy and I, and let them have the one cluster to themselves. They were very thankful, and settled right down to gossip viciously.

When the girl with the hat moved to sit with us, the guy moved into the seat directly facing mine. We all sort of exchanged pleasantries about trips and trains and such, and the train started off.

As we went, we started talking more and more. I want to take this opportunity to say that I didn't feel like a weird person. We all seemed to have been made in the same world, and it wasn't difficult to talk. I didn't feel worried that they would think I was weird, and I don't think they did. It was kind of surreal: talking to people.

Anyway, the guy was from Peterborough and was in first year engineering at UWaterloo. We talked about school and how much university sucks.

The girl was from Kitchener. She had just been in Quebec City for the weekend with her husband who was 10 years older than her. She lived in KW with her parents and 3 month old son, and her husband is in the army and is training in New Brunswick.

We talked about movies and jobs and school and parents and I actually ended up missing the Guelph station because no one announced it and I didn't notice where we were. I just got off in Kitchener and my dad picked me up.

I felt like that was the perfect way to end a trip. I believe I'll start hanging around the mall more to see if I'll see train guy. I'm proud of myself for meeting new people, even if I need to call them Train Guy and Hat Girl because we didn't exchange names.

And that is all!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Love is weird.
I like it.

Friday, October 9, 2009

i got in a really weird mood toward the end of my shift today at work.

one of the push brooms was broken so it had 2 metal pieces sticking out of it at peculiar angles. i thought it looked like a bug or an alien. I was going to put it away when Smiley Guy walked past. He looked at the broom and I literally yelled IT'S AN ALIEN!!! and then kept walking because he looked a bit shocked and appalled. I turned around a few moments later and he was laughing his head off.

Ok, so first, I probably have gotten myself nominated as "the weird one" on my shift.
Second, I love making people laugh. It's like my favourite thing to do. Especially if they weren't expecting to laugh. I love that look that people get, the "Did she just say that for reals?" one, and then they just start giggling (at least Smiley Guy does. He seriously giggles. It's hilarious in an awkward way. He thinks I'm laughing with him but I'm laughing at him.)

Ok so shower and guelph for the day!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I'm vaguely annoyed at myself for something I've actually realized before. Last time I put it down to a lack of sleep and forgot about it. It's come on again though, and now I know it's true.

I like life and myself better when I've had caffeine. It makes me feel happy and quick and I do better in social situations when I've had a coffee or iced cap.

I don't think most people will understand why this bothers me, but I can try to explain a little. (Hold on a sec, there is a foreign (as in not recognizable) male voice emanating from my kitchen....)
Right, well, caffeine. It bothers me because why can't I be happy and enjoy life naturally? Do I seriously need the extra boost just to be likeable? Maybe this caffeine induced logic is kind of shaky, but right now I don't much care because in 2 minutes or so I will feel generally pleasant again. Maybe this is how other people appear happy.
(Mysterious voice is gone, I think it was some sort of service man)

Work was fun last night. I had 2 cups of coffee and felt generally bubbly and happy and my partner and I joked back and forth all night and our machinery actually worked (instead of being unusable for 6 hours straight like the night before). We made over 10000 bags of food! Granted, they were only like 150 grams each (those wee sample packs) but that's pretty respectable considering we box them by hand. That's about 25 bags every minute. Win. Also my partner told me he's going to burn me a cd of the band Maccabees. A friend of mine like them a lot, so I think I will to and I'm looking forward to it a lot :D

Tea! Not caffeinated, don't worry. I need to sleep more yet today

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Isn't so bad.
Laying in bed.
Eating nutella out of the jar with a knife.
Listening to the Shins and the Local Natives.
Waiting for my mom to make a yummy supper.

All I lack is warm toes.
Well, sleep... enh, whatever.

You can't expect too much from life.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Party Time

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

There is a reason for that. I don't think I can really tell you what it is. That song feels like it's talking about something that I am, but it's clearly not.
It's not that I didn't enjoy it, I just didn't enjoy it.
I can't undo the italics here...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

You should watch "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty"
It is all on Youtube, so there is no excuse.
I laughed my heiney off.

Monday, September 28, 2009

I must say that Addea (I totally used that nickname!) and I are excelling in sneakiness last night.

We have contrived a very good plan. Hurrah

But right now it is raining in the beautiful splashy way. I'm in a house that is about 150 years old and listening to the rain on the roof and the driveway and running down the house. I'm staying with a friend for a few days because most of the family that owns the house is out of town. She's actually out seeing them off right now, and i feel a little bad for chilling in bed, but I think I would be in the way.

Autumn rain is different from other kinds of rain. Summer storms have beauty in their violence, but the unpretentious, steady rain in the fall is my favourite. In spite of it being very, very cold I like to muck about in it.

I'm listening to this family get up and get ready. Some of the kids are getting ready for school, and the rest are getting ready to go on vacation for a week. It reminds me of when my family was all still home. I miss the era when we were old enough to enjoy each other but none of us had moved out yet. It was a very small window of time, of course, but I liked very much hanging out with my brothers.

This family is different from mine though. Their dad is home a lot more than mine was, and their mother is home a lot less. I don't know whether that would explain their peculiarities or not, but I'll certainly be pondering it. I actually like these kids, which is weird in every way. Mainly cuz there are 9 of the suckers between the ages of 17 and 5. Their nanny has done wonders with them since I first met them...

Oh yah...
Apologies to anyone who thought this blog would contain anything important or relevant to life!

*edited to add* Oooh! Lightning!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Would be kinda nice.
I wouldn't have to decide whether I wanted to be a vet or a hobo.
I could be both.
And a musician.
And a lawyer.

Then again, I would use immortality as an excuse to waste more of my life on youtube.

It's a good thing we only have so much time. People wouldn't make altogether healthy use of their existences.

Monday, September 21, 2009

"The Sea" by Owen Pallett (aka Final Fantasy)

I love this song. It sits gracefully on the edge of being a jig or similar folk dance and looks into a sort of confusion of sounds that wouldn't make sense. It's like the sea itself. The surface makes sense, only because it rests on something that doesn't.

I also love Shane Koyczan again. I listened to "The Crickets Have Arthritis" today and it made me cry but made me also want to go out and live life. Then I remembered I have a job.
Working seems to get in the way of living, but then I remembered it's up to me to live at work just as it's up to me to live everywhere else.

Every time I listen to music that I like (right now it's Her Morning Elegance by Oren Lavie) I wonder why angry people exist and why life is such a hurry. Then I look at my laptop and my nice room and realize that it's so selfish of me to think that everyone should be as happy as I am in that moment. There are people who will never have a chance at this sort of life because I'm taking it up, and I feel like a jerk for taking it up.

This reaffirms my idea that I have no need for an iPod. Screw me.
Why am I spending money on travelling when people need food to survive. Argh.
Pink Bullets by The Shins

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I am actually driving myself up the wall with my inability to make new friends/ socialize at all outside the people that already know me.
I just get so nervous meeting new ppl that i say the dumbest things and come off as a wing nut or jerk.


Today I read the Chrysalids before church and then the preacher was talking about purity and I kinda freaked out in my mind.

Yeeeeeaaa.... I'm a nut job.

In like 5 years when all the friends I have now are married and have their own busy lives I'm going to be sitting in a crap old apartment somewhere, trying to finish school, and talking to my pet hedgehog about youtube comedians and it will suck.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hier, m'amie Deanna et moi sommes allé à une petite librarie et j'ai trouvé une grande dictionaire français-anglais, donc je veux utiliser mes habiletées françaises.
J'ai besoin la practique pour mon voyage au Québec cet octobre. Je vais lire cette dictionaire comme au manuel.
Les autres livres que j'ai acheté sont:
The Chrysalids par John Wyndham
The Wish par Gail Carson Levine
Dracula par Bram Stoker (j'ai lit une version abrégée quand j'étais jeune, et j'amais)

Ma mére a dit que si je n'arrete pas achêter les livres je vais devoir déménager. Bah. Je les adore.

Je ne peux pas reconnaisse les formes des verbes imparfait ou futur ou conditionnel ou subjonctif. AAARG. Phail.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Pleasant night

I really had a good night at work. Actually last night was also pretty slick. Sunday night was an atrocity because it went slower than a turtle with no legs walking up a greased window pane.

But last night (aka Monday night) I was just labelling bags with my partner who is a pretty interesting guy. He likes to talk, which is pleasant. Apparently he's worried that his girlfriend is cheating on him with another girl. Hmmm.

Then tonight (aka Tuesday night or wednesday morning) I was feeling crappy before work so I took some Pepto Bismol and it WORKED AMAZINGLY and I FELT FINE! So that was really awesome. Then things kept going wrong. Mechanically, I mean. When stuff goes wrong at work, I get perkier while every one else gets angry. I don't know whether I'm actually enjoying myself or if I'm just spiteful. Either way, I was so happy I kept humming songs to myself. Then at about 7am the guy in charge of scheduling came around and told me I'm now hired on as a full time employee, so I'm making super $$! yaay!!! and I got my time off in october to go to Quebec, and I got my time off moved around appropriately for next week.
I came home and had clam chowder for breakfast. I was thinking about how nicely all that stuff worked out, and how the universe must be my friend today. Then I thought about how weird it is that the universe exists. How did that happen? And then I thought about how weird it is that existence exists.

And then my brain exploded.
In a happy way.

I feel goooood.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

This evening

was significant to me in a number of ways.
I learned two interesting things about myself.

1: I have trust issues
2: I can be stupid
Let me explain...

1: ok ever since I was about 5 or so I've been a really anti-touch person. I don't like hugs or really any physical contact from most people. Then I was wondering why I didn't mind being piled 4 people on a love-seat this evening with my friends. I sort of realized over the course of the evening that I associate physical contact with trust. Shortly after this I realized how few people I trust and it made me a little sad.

2: I don't mean I've done something terrible. My friend was talking about how a person he met in rez chugged a cup of soap. I laughed and said that was dumb but really really funny and that guy is cool. Later on, he bought dish soap and I grabbed it and pretended to take a gulp. He laughed and basically said I wasn't cool enough. I just looked at him, grabbed the bottle, and took a big gulp. Then I kinda threw up.
See? I'm really dumb! This is awesome for me because I'm usually altogether too sensible and I kinda proved to myself that I can just do it. I guess this is a bit of a weird thing, and I apologise for all you who didn't want to hear it, but I'm frikken proud of it. A friend of mine says that you need to make mistakes that you know are mistakes sometimes because it's good for you. He whores himself out, and I drink soap.
Btw, never do it. So gross. I can't get the taste out of my mouth!!!

We watched the movie "I love you, man" and I loved it. It proves my point about how difficult it is to make friends. It's just really impossible. Then on the way home I was saying how it's worse for those of us who won't resort to getter drunk to make friends. My theory is that if they won't like me sober, they most certainly won't like me drunk. I'm likely a jerk when I'm wasted.

Ick, i'm gonna eat another peppermint to get rid of the soap. Hehe.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

A Tale of Two Cities

Charles Dickens is a brilliant writer. I read a dumb-ified version of this book and it still made me think about sadness.
Also made me think about the french revolution. Who were the good guys?

Sydney Carton. twenty three.

I am thinking about dying. And I'm thinking about sadness.
When we've been there ten thousand years..

Words aren't made for what's on my mind

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

This past week a high school friend emailed me and said she was trying to organize a goodbye get together because she's going to germany for 8 months. I wasn't particularly close to this person but I emailed back and said I would be there. Apparently I was one of 2 to get back to her.

She's like a super nice person with plenty of friends, so I didn't really expect that tonight when I showed up that I would be the only person there, but that's how it goes. And I considered flaking out too. I felt really bad. I hope that she isn't sad or feel like no one cares about her.

We had fun, too. We watched a silly Patrick Dempsey movie. Mega lolz....

My little sister started high school today. She's so old! Wow. I'm so old.

I went out today with another friend from high school that most of the group of us had written off as a psycho witch and we all figured she didn't like us. Turns out that while she's not the most sensitive or considerate person, she would always have liked to hang out.

I have thinking to do.

Why am I getting texts about a family meeting with my friends?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Joey Comeau is awesome

I read this on his blog and i want to try it :

I like people watching. It's fun. You go, you sit on a patio or something with a friend, and you watch people go by. The two of you can make up little stories in your head for them. I mean, I think we make up little stories for people in our heads anyway, on an unconscious level. Stereotyping is a part of that. But when you're people watching you think about it more.

But what's even more fun, especially if you live near a college or university, is to get up high, at night. Not too high, but above head-level. In a tree, or on a ledge in shadows. And then you and your friend just sit quietly, and you sit still, and you wait for groups of people going to and from parties, or to and from friends' houses, and you listen. You get a snatch of conversation, here or there. It's like people watching, except you can get a bit closer to them. It's almost like for a brief second you can hear their thoughts. People listening!

Another hobby that's just one step closer to stalking!


Monday, August 31, 2009

Most of my many thoughts this week have been about love. Not the silly boy-meets-girls-they-kinda-fight-but-eventually-fall-for-each-other-because-they-were-made-for-each-other stuff.

I mean love for fellow beings.

Tolerance isn't good enough.

What the world needs now is love.

Pathetic, isn't it, that even though I believe this more than anything, I can't find it in myself to get past petty high school arguments and love the people around me. It's easier to love people half way across the world than to love your super-obnoxious co-workers (or super creepy ones, for that matter).

There's far more stuff in my head on that. But you wouldn't want to hear all that.

But if you want to make the world a better place, think of the person in the world that bothers you the most and love them.

None of this activism crap.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Brushfire fairytales
Itsy bitsy diamond wells
Big fat hurricanes
Yellow bellied given names
Well shortcuts can slow you down
And in the end we're bound
To rebound off of we

Well dust off your thinking caps
Solar powered plastic plants
Pretty pictures of things we ate
We are only what we hate
But in the long run we have found
Silent films are full of sound
Inaudibly free

Slow down everyone
You're moving too fast
Frames can't catch you when
You're moving like that

Inaudible melodies
Serve narrational strategies
Unobtrusive tones
Help to notice nothing but the zone
Of visual relevancy
Frame-lines tell me what to see
Chopping like an axe

Or maybe Eisenstein should just relax

Slow down everyone
You're moving too fast
Frames can't catch you when
You're moving like that

Well Plato's cave is full of freaks
Demanding refunds for the things they've seen
I wish they could believe
In all the things that never made the screen
And just slow down everyone
You're moving too fast
Frames can't catch you when
You're moving like that
Slow down everyone
You're moving too fast
Frames can't catch you when
You're moving like that
My brain has been feeling turmoil-y since Friday. I'm really sure as to the cause of this. Actually, I'm aware of some causes, but not all I think. One I think is that school is starting soon for everyone but me and now I'm starting to second guess my decision to take time off, but now there's nothing I can do. Also, I'm worried about my $ situation. I'm working so much and I don't seem to be able to get ahead of the bills and my compulsive money spending habits. Ugh. It will be easier in the fall when i don't have a car and my friends can't bum rides to everywhere off of me. But they will also be far away (in Guelph and KW. All of like 30 mins max...).

In spite of, or maybe because of all this, I feel like my brain is moving again. Stress makes me think better. Also the mad amounts of books I've been able to read. Here is a list that I think is mostly complete of the books I've read at work this summer.

-Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand (love!)
-Many Waters by Madeleine L'Engle
-Coraline by Neil Gaiman
-The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Edwards
-The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
-A Brief History of the British Monarchy by (I don't remember!)
-The Art of War by a bunch of different people
-The Cosmic Trilogy by C.S. Lewis
-The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkein
-Fairest by Gail Carson Levine

I think that's it. I'm currently working on A Short History of Russia. I'm at about the 13th century. The book starts in around the 9th century. I like reading history books because every once in a while the author will throw in some nerd humour and it makes me giggle.

My spellcheck is telling me I spelled humour incorrectly. I KNOW HOW TO SPELL! YOU DON'T. GO FLUSH YOURSELF DOWN AN AMERICAN TOILET!

In other news, I'm having a baby.

*EDITED TO ADD* I forgot that I also read Call of the Wild by Jack London and Manalive and The Ball and the Cross by G.K. Chesterton and that I'm not having a baby.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Believing Something

I'm always impressed by people who believe stuff. Someone who can say without any doubts that they stand for a cause or against something specific make me wish I wasn't so generally apathetic (I'm like a plankton in that respect).

Here is why I thought of this:
"Albania 1982: under the Communist dictator Enver Hoxha, Albania held elections in which all adults were entitled to vote. However, they were only allowed to vote for or against the Communist nominee, no other candidates being allowed. Furthermore, the ballot was not secret. Only one voter voted 'no', giving a 99.99999% majority."
-BBC Knowledge Magazine

The point the magazine was trying to make was about how decisive the election vote was (highest support in history) but that doesn't matter much to me. I want to shake that person's hand. And give them a hug and a million dollars. It's likely that they died, because that specific dictator, although he advanced the literacy and health systems of the country, was also know for injustice to individuals. I'm guessing everyone else who didn't want to vote yes just didn't vote. One person went out and said. "I don't care that you'll kill me and that you know who I am and where I live. I think you're wrong and I'm going to say so."
Can you imagine that news broadcast? After that person voted no, they would have had to find out that they were the only one.

I think that's spectacular. And I heard cool new music today on CBC Radio 2. Here!