Thursday, February 26, 2009


Are messing with my mind.
Seriously. My doctor put me on the pill, and I've had the maddest mood swings. Like really terrible. But I'm pretty sure I'll be appreciative of all that in like a week when I'm not throwing up and miserable.

But w/e. I talked to the very nice Viking tonight and it was good to. He's a pleasant fellow.

I'm in love with Hyde from "That 70s Show". I used to be in love with Eric. I think that means I've changed in some sense. Anarchy just seems pretty sexy right now.

I get to rage at the residence manager tomorrow. WooHoo

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

People are People

I had 2 intense conversations this evening.
I discovered layers of an old friend that I never knew were there.
I began to get to know someone I had never much bothered about before.
And both were really cool.

Say what you like about my social ineptitude, but I love to know people. I love to be confided in and I love to understand people's thoughts and minds. I love it when people talk about what's going on in their head. Even if I don't understand or relate, I'm interested.

I just love understanding people.

Weird that I just discovered that.

I retain the right to be antisocial...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


In the library by myself for a moment. my roomie and other study buddy went to get us all Booster Juice.

1: It was good to talk to certain people today
2: there's something not right in my head
3: I may or may not kind of like a guy 7 years older than me
4: How do you get a cold on a trip to Florida?
5: Quebec in 3 weeks!

Back to physics. ergh.

Friday, February 20, 2009

William Goldman

He wrote the Princess Bride, which is one of my fave books and movies of forever.
He was also well-known for "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid", which was made into a movie with Paul Newman in it.
I discovered, in a bookshelf at the house I'm staying in, a completely unknown novel by him. It was called "The Color of Light".

It wasn't particularly good, actually. It reminded me of "Catcher in the Rye". Just kind os follows one person's drab existence along.

It was about a writer who is really good but screws stuff up and loses his inspiration or what-have-you. It was decently written. It had lots of curse words, and random porn-ish bits that really surprised me (like out of frekking nowhere). Those always bother me in a novel for two reasons. 1: I can't relate. 2: They generally take away from the plot. I really love, if not true plot, a solid storyline. It bothers me when a story has no actual direction.

But I'm very pleased with having read it for two reasons. 1: I haven't read a new book cover to cover in a long time. It only took me 6 hours to do 400ish pages. I haven't entirely lost my touch. 2: William Goldman is a real person. Does that sound crazy to you? Allow me to explain a little. When you've never met a person, only heard their name and know info about them, they seem more like a book character than anything. But he's alive eh? 77 and living in New York. But here's how this random conclusion hit me (if no one minds a little story)

In the book "The Princess Bride", he tells his life story along with the story we know and love from the movie. I really liked that, actually. It was an earthy, living story and there were moments in the William Goldman story where I could see how it was was affected by the Princess Bride story, and vice versa. In the William Goldman story, he mentions his grade 3 teacher who instilled in him a love of reading, and how he still thought about her years later and such. Then, in the book I read today, his main character mentions his 3rd grade teacher. And the teachers were both called Miss Roginsky.

It's hard to really explain how that makes him a person and not a character. But that is what is in my head right now, and so be it.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bad fantasy novels are obnoxious. There was a specific one I enjoyed as a tween. I recently re-read it and, although it had very nice moments, the effect of the over all story was disappointing. The characters were the best when the writer wasn't trying too hard on them. I was reminded faintly of a very bad story about fairies I wrote for my grade 8 english class. Let's not even go there.

The sunburn is starting to be less painful.

Went to an awesome aquarium today. I love fishies.

I secured an assurance of a visit from my older sister's newly found boyfriend. The beginning of August, he said. Perrfect, I think. He also owes me an iced cap.

Lately all of my floaty in-between thoughts about life have swirled around the same basic question: Does reality exist outside of human perception?
I think the answer is yes, and that has very clear implications on the ways I think.
I assume, though, that if someone else though otherwise, there would be no way of debating anything with them.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mid Vacational Blog

Today we went to the beach for the morning. I wore a bathing suit for the first time in 2 yearsm and shorts for the first time in a year.
I got a pretty nasty sunburn. It feels like my back is going to rip every time I move my shoulders.
So all in all a nice morning.
Then I came home and had a nap.

We saw a bunch of really nice houses today. The town we drove through on the way to the beach wasn't as touristy as Sarasota, but it was still cottage country. Almost 40% of the houses are for sale. The economy here is looking pretty grim. Most of the people my dad has talked to don't really understand what's going on, but almost every industry is feeling the pressure.

This is gonna be a bad couple years. People keep saying they'll wait till all this economic stuff is blown over and it's back to the good times before they buy a house or whatever. I think, though, that we've seen the best of times. The wealth of the North American baby boomers isn't going to come around again. It's all gonna change. I remain unsure of whether i think that's good or bad.

On the upside, if you have money, it's a good time to travel!

Monday, February 16, 2009

In Florida

That's right, suckas!!
It's not overly warm in here, actually. But the place we're staying at is AMAZING!!
It's someone's cottage, instead of a hotel. I have my own bed/bath suite, which, i have decided, is the only way to live.
The only shortcoming is that the food has to be stored with caution for fear of ants.
There's a Jacuzzi....
I love the warm!
As for the trip here, it wasn't that bad. Someday I'm going to re-travel to all the places that I went to with my parents, and see how much less stressful it is when my mom isn't freaking out. I fell asleep on the floor at the Chicago airport.
Life = not too shabby just now. And today I apparently learn how to sail! Wooo!
If it goes well, I think I'll convince my dad to buy a sailboat that I can use to impress my friends with my mad skills.

Friday, February 13, 2009


Really how I'm feeling right now.
I'm trying to believe it's a caffeine crash.
My mother calls me and I just tense up inside.
My little sister walks into the room and I just want her to go away.
I really need some time to myself.

I suppose it's not too late. I'm out for a walk.

Amazing what 20 minutes of lying in a snowbank will do for your mood.
Blue is a beautiful colour. The sky is blue right now. The deepest, darkest blue.

A really good book

Will make you think something new each time you read it.
I'm reading Blue Like Jazz again.
Last time I read it, it was wonderful and freeing in the sense that I felt like I wasn't crazy. Not all people who love God are nutty fundamentalists.
This time it is still wonderful and makes me want to change a lot about my life. But this time I'm finding the pieces of my thought that differ from the thoughts presented by Mr. Miller. It's not really disagreements, it's just differences. He keeps saying that the majority of Christians really love people and are trying to make their lives an imitation of Jesus'. I don't think that. I think that most Christians (this is anyone who gives that name to theirself) are just as self centered and greedy as everyone else, and they are generally much more close minded and judgemental.
It would take quite a bit to reconcile me to Christianity. I've been talking to God about it, and he understands of course. I shouldn't be too upset about my issues with the setup though, because God has really gotten it worse. Imagine what he thought about the Crusades or the Inquisition. "Hold up, guys, those people are pieces of me too. Please stop it, I love them..."

I don't think that the majority of church people are trying to be like Jesus, that's all. They're trying to be like Donald Miller, or Rick Warren, or Rebecca St. James, or even "the early church".
Those are all good role models, but it's really hard to find one comparable to Jesus. While I was reading Blue Like Jazz, I thought about that one part in the Bible where Jesus tells the rich guy to sell all of his stuff and give the money to the poor. And basically I'm wondering if I could do it. Just sell Jemma and all the stuff I don't need to survive, and just give that all away. Because in the grand scheme of things, poor people have just as much right to the benefits I have as I do. I didn't do anything special to be born into a (comparatively) wealthy family and country. I love how Jesus totally sees how impossible it is for a person to value another person as much as they value themself. The golder rule really isn't "Do to others as you would have them do to you.", it's "love your neighbour as yourself". Don't you see how that would fix the world. You need food? Here, have mine. You deserve it as much as I do.

I'm just thinking a lot today.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


I like stuff that's underground.
By my definition, underground means unbelievably cool but mostly unheard of. Like Rudyard Kipling's short stories, the Decemberists, Laura Marling, and going for super long walks.
Flight of the Conchords used to be underground but now they're pretty well known and it's a little disappointing.
Have I mentioned the book "Notes from the Underground" here before? I might have. It's by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. (awesomest name ever). It's this guy just talking about the working of his own brain. I think it's a very interesting piece cuz it shows what happens to someone's mind if they are alone for too long. He agrees with me that life is downhill once you hit forty.
It's not good though, for someone to be completely alone with their own mind for too long. I think certainly that exploration of your own mind is healthy and beneficial, but you need interaction with other people. It's too easy to just find all the stuff about your being that's not quite perfect. And if you spend too long with yourself, you end up building these cities and worlds in your brain. You experience a lot within your own mind, and there is no way to communicate that experience to other people. It completely alienates you from any possible relationships.
But then someone might argue that monks and hermits should all be nutty. And many times they are. I would argue back, though, that the monks have their monestary buddies. The hermits who aren't crazy are much more interesting though. Here's my theory: the ones that aren't crazy have some sort of influence outside of their own mind. Maybe they talk to a god of sorts. Maybe they have nature.
My point is that no one can be entirely alone and entirely sane. We're sentient beings. That's how we roll.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It rained today

The clouds are dripping off the trees.
Beautiful trees
They haven't got leaves
The puddles tower over them
And the trees drink them down
The wind slaps the raindrops
And says "Shush!
Trees are still sleeping."

That's all I have to say on that. I'm insanely enjoying the weather.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

A Revival

Of blogging and hope!

I really am happy that a specific person has decided to resurrect her blog.

And although this morning in about an hour and a half I have my chemistry midterm, I feel hopeful. Not sure about what. About getting through this whole university ordeal. I've realized it actually can be done. Once I finish this coming week (of death) it will be the week off and I will be in FLORIDA learning how to sail!
After that it's just the tail end of Feb, all of March, and a bit of April and I'm DONE for a long time!

Maybe the weather is helping too. It's been very sunny this week, and getting gradually milder. I can't wait for spring. Spring is always sold as a revival too.

I've been talking to God a lot lately too. He's so calming and it's so good to actually tell someone what's going on in my mind without them thinking I'm out of it. Or maybe He does think I'm crazy.... well we all know I didn't make me like this.

I have mentioned that I'm going to Rwanda again right? I'm so excited about that. Some of the people I'm going with have added me on facebook. The team leader knows my oldest brother, so that's cool. The other one has a master's degree in education and is a hardcore long distance runner. They both seem really cool. Once again, though, I'm the youngest person on the team. The other time, it didn't matter as much. Most of the people were enough older than me that I could use my "Charm Adults Instantly" feature, and we got on splendidly. With these people it's different. They're older than me, yes, but only about 5 or 6 years. As pathetic as it might sound, I really want them to like me, and I know for a fact I'm not good at being personable. I'm not worried about fundraising or the trip itself. Just getting along with these people. Will it be an issue when they find out I'm so anti-religious?
I don't know. I'm trying not to stress about it.

As is though, I feel like life will be sunshiney for a while now. All I have to do in te immediate future is pass this exam....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

A book

I've commenced to attempt writing one.
Not a novel, of course. I don't really have the imagination.
Just a collection of my thoughts and theories. It's going to be a bit hard to organize, which is why I've started just constructing an outline.
This is really not an endeavour into the publishing industry. I want to do it so that I have some of my brain organized coherently. Also, I'm taking the year off, and I need to keep my english skills up to par!
I'm going to be using material from blogs a lot. Some bits may be actually taken verbatim.

The issue is where to start. I feel as if I should write little paragraph long essays on my little theories and then attempt to organize them coherently. Alternatively, if I start off with what my basic principles and pillars of thought are, I might get a more flowing final product.

Any suggestions?

If I never ever finish this, btw, no one should be too surprised. I'm the Queen of Half Finished Projects.

I'm wishing everyone the type of weather that's been in Guelph the past 2 days. Lovely. Cold as space, but as light as it too!

Yes, space is full of light. We just can't see it because it has nothing to run into. Isn't that a lovely thought? If you could get out into the blackness, you would have sunshine!

Monday, February 2, 2009


Je veux la reconnaisse. Je me sens toujours comme je perds des choses que j'avais appris trop vite. Maintenent chaque phrase ici est difficile. J'avais oublié toutes les verbes et les phrases qui rendraient mon écriture doux est simple et efficace.

Roméo Dallaire est un franconphone. J'ai commencé à lire sa livre "Shake Hands With the Devil" ce soir. Peut-être on dit: "Pourquoi la lis maintenent? Tu déja es allé là-bas."

C'est vrai, oui, mais je ne veux pas comprendre simplement l'histoire de Rwanda et la génocide; je veux comprendre aussi les hisoires des personnes individuelles qui étaient ca. Si je peux voir où ces personnes se sont sentis les problèmes occuraient, je ne vais pas les avoir moi-même.

Peut-être que je lirai quelues livres en français. Quand des gens la parlent, c'est trop vite, mais si je lis, il n'y a personne qui sera ennuyé quand je suis lent.

Bien, tout ca est complet. Et je sais, les traducteurs électoniques ne fait pas de bonne travaille.