Saturday, April 28, 2012

In BC!

That's where I am now. Living with my brother and sister-in-law until they leave for Australia. Then I will be on my own out here.

I like it mostly. The mountains are very pretty but too far away. I went to see Fiddler on the Roof last night with my Aunt and Uncle and cousins and it was pretty awesome. I like having my cousins around but I just had a demoralizing conversation with the youngest one.

Basically, in her opinion, people who don't end up working in a job on her specialized list (doctor, lawyer, psychiatrist, pilot, etc) are not successful. I tried to figure out whether she valued the money or the accomplishment but she didn't seem to care. Any person working, for example, in a factory or managing a store was not successful. It didn't matter if that person had a happy or fulfilling life; they were not successful. It is just kind of sad to realize that my personal failure in life will be compounded by my family thinking I am a worthless bum. Le sigh.

... And it turns out my sister in law agrees. If I don't get wealth and power to some extent, I am not successful. My personal goals and enjoyments don't count for anything in determining success.

I hate this whole world.

Monday, April 9, 2012

I'm lying on a couch at school trying to finish a group project.

No more real sentences. Just the bumble.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

St. Patrick's day has passed in a blur of green and Bailey's. I had a top-notch time eating pancakes and seeing starfish and lounging on a deck for most of the day. Unfortunately I was so tired by the time the real partying started to do much of anything but I got the chance to be with good people and that is enough for me.

The weather has been so spectacular the last few days! The sunshine is making me all bubbly and unpredictable inside! Smells of spring are seeping out of the ground and ambuscading me. I'm getting all nutty and the likelihood of me ditching my life is increasing.

D&D campaign is starting soon! I'm a human fighter, which will be a new experience for me. I've only ever played a druid because I'm generally more attracted to utility characters than to brawn characters. Maybe this will be a good way to channel my rage away from school and into somewhere it would be appreciated.

I found out this week that my parents took this test for dementia and my dad has what is known as a mild cognitive impairment. It's an early type of dementia and usually gets worse and sometimes develops into Alzheimer's. I'm really not sure how to take this news. It does worry me. My dad is the sticking post of our family and if he's going to lose his brain over the next few years it could mean some pretty dramatic changes. I hope him losing his brain doesn't scare him as much as it scares me.

Going out for sushi! :)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Oh hey

I was asked specifically to update this. In retribution I will now whine about school till you all go away and leave me alone in my puddle of misery.

I'm not even being dramatic with the "puddle of misery" comparison. That's essentially all I am since the beginning of this semester. Community Ecology is like a joy-poultice: pulling all of that pesky happiness and hope out of me and encouraging the growth of unparalleled rage and sadness. Just thinking about it makes my stomach tie up in a knot of nope. Nope nope nope. I am considering writing a letter to the professors telling them that if I die this semester it is all their fault.

I went to a gym yesterday! For the first time evar! The only kind of exercise-y things I usually do is factory work and rock climbing which keeps me moderately fit but I'd never been to a for realsies gym with treadmills and humans before. It was weird. I thought about prison a lot while I was there and how I should get in shape just in case I need to go to prison when I shiv my Comm Eco professor.

I'm really not a happy kitty any more. Either I'm angry or depressed and I think angry is a bit nicer than depressed and that's why I let so many things get to me. I don't think it bothers me unless I accidentally introspect (which I've been avoiding (thus no bloggies)).

I've also found many lovely new friends in Guelph that are much different from friends I have had in the other times of my life. They are fun and sciencey and largely non-introspective. It is a new experience. They are plenty fun, they just are philosophical honey badgers, if you see what I mean. It makes me a honey badger too.

There you go, I updated so that you can procrastinate an extra 15 minutes on whatever you should be doing. I'm going to listen to people say things I do not care about.