Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Eve

You remember that "life is like a spiral" thing?
Well I kinda felt that more so today.
Every year my family does more or less the same thing, but every year is a bit changed.
We always have a cheese fondue for dinner and then a chocolate fondue for dessert. Last year my mom couldn't help make it because she had just had surgery.
We always open "presents" after supper. This is the first year that my older sister hasn't been home to open them with us, and instead my one brother's girlfriend was here.
Everyone listens to a story (not necessarily Christmassy) read by my dad. This is the first year my niece was there to distract all of us by being cute.

The traditions repeat themselves but our lives change, so the feelings and memories of each repetition are different.

I went to a Christmas eve service with my friend Steph. It's the first time that I can remember being to one. It was at a church I'd never been to before in St. Jacobs. The speaker guy (not sure whether he was the minister or not) was young. He looked like he should be in high school. He reminded me sooo much of the young priest guy in the movie "Chocolat" (which is lovely). And there were a couple of highlighting moments for Steph and I, like the ill-tempoed pianist and the paper communion dealies. They were seriously like paper. And then almost lighting each other on fire because they had the brilliant idea of giving us candles....

There are some bits, though, that I realized I like about religion. I like the stained glass windows. I like the candles that get lit and the shiny silver dishes pompously holding the bread. I like the idea of people standing together smiling. I like the feeling of singing as a body, and listening to people harmonize, even though my own voice is a pathetic little squeak. I like organs playing in empty auditoriums, and chants filling a cathedral until it seems like there is too much sound for that space, and the roof must fly off or the windows shatter to let it out into the open. I like all that.
The dislikes I have lie deeper. I dislike the people that stand together smiling and with their smiles they disguise hate and prejudice. I dislike the fact that people may not feel like they have the right to touch the shiny silver dishes. I dislike that religion, from the outside, looks so clean and neat and shiny, and the fact is that it's people play-acting, making pretty pictures, and then ignoring the dirt and passion that makes the earth alive.

I'm not exactly sure what I mean, but I'm pretty certain that the whole "peace on earth" isn't meant to be a passive blessing or a nice warming thought. The church should really be proactive about peace. We've (we = churchy people)backed ourselves into one corner and we, from there, preach that if everyone just was happy with their own little corner life would be fine, and there would be peace. But that's not gonna happen. We need to give someone else our spot so that peace can start. It doesn't matter if we don't have a place. Wasn't there a theory behind all this religion that the earth isn't our home anyway?

So yah. Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I used to stand for something, but now I only sit; sit and wait to be amused like everyone I once disdained. This society like a sleeping pill has rendered me ineffective. So now, what should I do? What can I do?

I could for once get off Facebook and get my face into a real book, where I have before felt so at home. I could shun the call of my homepage and attend the call of the music; the music that is inside being ignored.

Where is the treasured originality or genuine cultural scrutiny? I find in its place a cynical sneer. I've been rocked into complacency by email and internet TV and now I find myself so undefined.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I haven't got blogging energy lately. And nothing in my brain worth exploring.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Texting and Tea

The title may seem a bit ambiguous.

It's been bumpy patch of time since last post. Exams are running (2 down, 3 to go), and busy-ness just sneaks up on me. I suddenly realize that for 3 weeks I haven't picked up a book just to enjoy reading. I haven't had a cup of tea to sit and think with.
I'm struggling to just survive, sorta. Every day when I get I know I have stuff to accomplish. Not so much a fan of that. Because I'm just holding on to the leash of my life, and it's tearing along ahead of me, and I have the sensation of not being able to catch up.
And life is impossibe to catch up on unless you are magically able to go faster. It is running at a constant speed, and the only way to get any peace about it is to take it firmly in hand and focus on pieces that you can wile you're tearing by. We can't do everything, much as we would like to. I would like to travel and to be a vet and to be a musician and to have a farm and to live in Africa and to own a coffee shop, and a lot of other things. But I have to choose because I have a limited amount of time.
Time is something that a lot of people resent. But is that fair? Without biological limits (because what people dislike about time is that we only have so much of it) we would be so self-contained. If we didn't die, we would never look outside of this planet for reason. Also, emos would have a rough time. And overpopulation would be a huge issue. Eternity is too much for humans, as I know I've said before.

So I cannot wait for the break. I get to work at a job I do well, read, see friends, and hang out with Jemma. That's all I really want out of life at this moment. To do my work well, have a few people to chill with, and a few hobbies to keep my mind sharpish.

Res life has been almost pleasant the past few days. Mostly quiet, and watching movies and playing games and having chats with people. I don't mind it so much. I'm listening to one of the guys sing along to music horribly. Heh.

And as for the texting part: I just do too much of it. It's pretty obsessive. If I'm not in the process of a text conversation, I will scroll through my contacts trying to find someone to text. Generally I end up sending alliteratvie texts to my roomie. Which is more fun than it should be. Hah.

Example: Single shingles sing shindigs.
Try and say that fast. Seriously difficult!

*edited to add*: I bought celebratory boots! They're wellingtons all brown with random hearts. Not a typical becca purchase, but I love them! I can now walk to class without getting soaking wet!