Monday, September 29, 2008


Who'da thunk it?
I really am homesick. It manifests itself in weird ways.
On nice days I look outside and think "What a beautiful day to ride Jemma...oh wait"
I saw a guy today with hair like my buddy Porky Lewis (huge black curly) and I almost yelled hey, but then I realized I'm not in Elmira, I don't know everyone.
I went to Tim Hortons and couldn't chat about life with the employees
It's never dark outside at night
I can never wander around and sing and talk to myself, because there are people
Walking in barefeet is too dangerous, so I gotta wear shoes
On friday night when I'm chilling by myself I can't phone up the boys and organize an adventure
I can't stay up all night arbitrarily
I have no one to tease like my little sister
I have no one to pick on me like my older brother and his friends
No one ever sings or plays the piano for me
I have no piano to play in the dark
I never see my teachers at the store
I don't have the huge bookshelves with books I've read a hundred times and still love

That's what my home is to me: familiarity.

But I'm starting to settle in better. Mostly I've found comfort in books: both new discoveries and old favourites. And listening to familiar music. Jack Johnson *heart*! And I've found things I like about where I am.

The public transit system: still a novelty
People watching is actually interesting
Shopping for myself
Skipping class to hang with my roomie
Being in cool clubs like fencing and debating
Learning (sorta)
The ridiculous things my physics prof does
Facebooking and blogging during class (guess who's in latin!)
My new cell phone

I'm having a pretty happy day. I got a letter from my friend Jenni and it made me so ridiculously happy. And I went to lunch with 2 friends and had some awesome banananana...(oh crap!) bread.

Skipping down the cobblestones and feeling groooovy!

*edited*-- if you ever need a random passtime, read a bridal magazine. It'a actually pretty cool to look at al the pretty stuff. aesthetically satisfying, because I *heart* shiny stuff!

*edited again*-- I HATE THE WORD "ONUS"!!!!

*and again*-- . What is the world coming to? I hate mondays!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Res life

Someone pulled the fire alarm yesterday at 5am and then again just now at 1 am.
Drunk people piss me off. A lot. A LOT.

I really miss my Elmira life. It's possible that even my mother would be better than this

I'm having a really crappy evening.

"The sun'll come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun"

*edited to record a SECOND fire alarm at 230am*

Saturday, September 27, 2008


I like hypercubes a lot.
I linked to the wikipedia page on them in my other post today.
But I love how they supersede the common understanding of physical dimensions. I understand that they are way over my head. I also love them because they are one of the concepts in the book “A Wrinkle in Time”.
That book is one of my long standing favourites. It’s got more or less everything that a good book can be asked to give: adventure, romance, depth, humour, string theory, and much more
It’s always been one of the books that takes me away from places I don’t like to be (like when I was living with my parents) and let me be in an entirely different universe. And I love it for that too.
I’m still unable to adjust to this residence life thing. Most of the time I just want people to GO AWAY.
I may get used to it. I may not. I doubt I’ll live in res next year, all the same.
Remember like 2 days ago I had that weird post about a crazy idea?
So here’s the plan. Do not try to talk me out of it.

I want to take next year off school and do crazy stuff.Take the midnight train going anywhere. Work, of course, for money, but then go see the world.
The weirdest thing has brought me to this. I’ve been thinking about taking next year off for a while, and I’ve been feeling intense cabin fever, and questioning the 9-5 lifestyle. I can’t do that. I’m seriously freaking out because I don’t want my life to be a job or a career. I want to be a person, not an employee. I don’t want to wake up every morning, shower, go to work, come home, watch a movie, and go to bed. I WILL SNAP if I don’t get what ever is poking at me out.
So I was talking to Amalie, who is far away in Waterloo, and she’s hating university, so I was like “I have a crazy plan” and she said “So do I”. So I told her what I was thinking, and it turned out she had the exact same idea. Angsty minds think alike!
So that is the plan if I can make it work. And I hope more than anything that I can.
Anyone else want to come along?

In other news, I'm going sailing, and I'm getting a cell phone, and there's a very VERY drunk guy stumbling around my living quarters. Aaaaand I skipped Latin today. Again. To go downtown with the roomie. Again. And I aced a physics quiz which is worth like 5% of my mark. Huzzah!

Friday, September 26, 2008

School is getting ridiculously busy now.

Already people have midterms. I stayed up till 315 am the other day to do my physics homework. Granted I didn't do anything in the course before that, but I'm still gonna whine. Procrastination is my favourite.

So everything is going well except for chemistry which has a lot of online stuff (Assignments, quizzes, etc) and I suck at online stuff. I can't focus as well. I'm not sure why, but I think that my brain doesn't connect the computer with homework. Or any type of work, for that matter. It's very nicely connected with Plant Tycoon and Facebook :D

And I realized how much time I waste on silly stuff like that. I'm thinking about allowing myself only 3 facebook checks a day and possibly getting rid of plant tycoon.

Oh yah, plant tycoon is a really lame sounding computer game that I found a few months back but on a windows computer the demo only lasts an hour, and on my mac I can play for as long as I want. It sounds lame eh? And seriously all you do is grow and sell plants, and it takes like half a frikken hour for a plant to grow. But it's so freaking addictive! Just ask my roomie. I was playing it in class one day (shame, Becca, SHAME!) and she was watching and then she started playing and so now we're both hooked. It can eat like 3 hours of your day, no sweat.

And here are 3 "poems" I wrote the other day. Not in connection particularly with anything. I know that if the guys read this they'll be like WOAH! but that's perfectly fine. I'm hypercubical like that.

Do you know, right now
If you rolled over a little closer
And I could feel your breath warming up my back
I wouldn’t move away?
And if you had to settle yourself,
And asked if you could put your arm under my head;
Right now,
I would say “ok”
And the urge right now is incredible
To curl up against you
And disregard the knowledge that right now
It couldn’t work.

Nothing feels better than having someone to cuddle with when you’re sleepy
Like kittens all warm and ergonomically aligned
My bones sink into you and yours into me
There’s no point of discomfort
Your arm across my belly is weighty like a quilt
And we laugh about nothing
Because we like the feeling.

It was beautiful because it was transitory.
I know it was a wave of emotion
But it was a warm, salty, strong wave.
I know it was one ridiculous evening and neither of us meant anything
But it felt good, good, like lying in the sun.
It warmed me up all the way through
To be in love with you
For one day.

There we go. And cheers to the weekend!! I'm going sailing tomorrow!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Crazy plan

If anyone is free (ie:no specific plans) from May '09 to august '10, contact me for a sweet idea :D

Sunday, September 21, 2008

See-saw balance day

So the day didn't goe exactly as planned. Emily didn't end up coming along, which made me less happy, because I really wanted to see her.

But there were unexpected positive things. I had an awesome time talking with my buddy Eric whom I haven't seen/talked to in a long time. Just being goofy with bits of serious at random. I love band camp bonds. And I played on a real vintage mechanical pinball! It's so awesome! Lights and bells and lots of fun! I even got the highest score out of everyone (I also played like a LOT of times)

I got asked by a guy's sister if I would go to a movie with him. I said "yah, sure, as long as he understands that I don't to any extent like him in 'that' sense". Then I was told I was going to marry him, to which I strongly objected. He's not rich enough. Band camp jokes.

And on the less happy side, I ate 3 pieces of pizza today. My digestive system is displeased. Screw that.

But I had an awesome time. Even though the majority was me having random little chats with people, and random long chats with a few others, it was awesome. I don't even care that I spent nearly $40 on gasoline to drive from Elmira to Kitchener toToronto to Missisauga to Milton to Elmira to Kitchener to Elmira...

I had a pretty ballin' time.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

What is love?

Yes, I know it is 303am
Yes, I know that in 4 hours I hafta be up to drive to toronto
But I had coffee with dinner and I just watched the first and only season of the show "The Class"
And it accidentally made me think.

Accidentally as in the show wasn't trying to make me think.

And of course it's about love. What to lame sitcoms talk about if not their 2 dimensional people and their silly relationships?

I've got a lot in my brain, and I can't make it come out sounding anything like sense.

Ok, so here are my previously mentioned principles:
1: There is no "one" other for any given person
2: People can't know one another completely
3: People suck (actually that's a really generally applied principle, but it relates)
4: My perfect guy doesn't exist

Would all that added up be depressing? Am I sad about it? I know I've mentioned this before but it keeps coming back because of certain factors in my life just now making me psychoticly horomonal and emotional.

And every time, it comes back to God. I owe him at least a mention in my blog. I don't know why I'm always so pussy about actually saying his name. Am I ashamed of him? I hope not. I always feel like I shouldn't commit. I don't know if I'm more afraid of letting him down or committing to a religious group I oppose.

But with him, all those reasons become irrelevant. God is the best parts of everyone. Every beutiful dimension of every personality came from his imagination. He has to know me completely. All the stupid songs I sing to myself in my brain and all the scenarios I invent for myself but never have the courage to get to. And he avoided sucking by not being a person, which is nice. And then, if all that is true, and he still loves me, then finding a guy can't matter.

Why could I be lonely? Trees are like.... beautiful.

I don't know what all that was, but I'm happy it's out. I don't want to be scretivw about that part of me. It's so big inside but I can hardly ever let it leak out cuz I don't want people to be like "Oooh, she's a Christian. That means she's a good girl, loves her mamma, loves Jesus, and America too..."

I wish I didn't hafta say christian. I just love God. He made trees. Am I too obsessive over trees?

And no apologies.

Friday, September 19, 2008


Amazing how the prospect of a change of scenery can cheer you up :D
And of course nice comments from friends :D

Tomorrow I'm going to a band camp reunion in Toronto. I'm driving, so we might not make it the whole way there, but some of my favourite people are gonna be along, so it's gonna be an awesome trip no matter what.
Band camp people are the ones I can chill with and we always have an awesome time no matter what. We laugh, we do crazy stuff, we lounge, we sing, we dance (yes, we are like a traveling theatre company), we get lost, we beat the crap out of each other (it's a game, no worries)...etc.
I love seeing these people because I know that I'm going to smile. And it's weird, because most of them are the types of people I would never have met other than camp, and we only see each other every 6 months or so (if that), but we're close. Yay for the band camp bond!

Next weekend is also gonna be pretty awesome. My dad is renting a sailboat for two days, so it's gonna be crazy fun. And my brother is gonna come visit me some evening next week.

AND it's sunny out.


I haven't really been able to do much blog style thinking. I'm still trying to get used to this new schedule and school and stuff.
But I had a really good debate with the one guy living in my suite. Steve, actually. About the war in Iraq and American foreign policy. I didn't realize how much of a pacifist I am. But in the end, politics don't matter much to me. Yah they're important, but as long as I can chill with my horse and make enough money for both of us to eat, and occasionally see my friends, I'm happy. The only reason I prefer Layton over Harper is the hair issue. And he's more likely to legalize marijuana :D

I really do miss Jemma though. And being able to get out into nature entirely alone and stuff. Hopefully I have time this weekend to go see her.

Cheers! May everyone's weekends be sunny and restful and exciting!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Why do I not have social skills?

I would trade my horse for the ability to meet people naturally and make a good impression.

It's very traumatic to be completely inept at making aquaintances.

I know I'm a jerk, but I don't know what to do to fix it.


I'm gonna go sleep. When I'm tired I have negative social skills.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Something new!

I got my ear pierced.
Like the upper cartilage part. My roomie and I went out this afternoon (I skipped Latin) and took the bus downtown. We wandered around forever trying to find the right place. It was a really reputable one, too. My roomie got her eyebrow pierced. It was actually really exciting, but it hurt like burning you mouth. Not too horrible, but you keep feeling it forever afterward. Also, I have cold so water tastes funny.

I hate country music! There is barely anything that can cause me so much frustration just by its existence. The stupid lame metaphors, the stupid lame ideas, the stupid lame chord structures, the stupid lame twangyness, the stupid lame people who think it is the only style of music... ARGH!
I shouldn't be able to sing along with the song the first time I hear because of its sheer predictability! My roomie just agreed with me. Props!
Actually, country music is good for one thing: hoedowns. Two-stepping and square dancing wouldn't be the same.
I prefer the polka myself.
Or not dancing. I'm reeeeally good at that.

So it's been an interesting day. I may or may not be addicted to getting piercings now...

And I start pilates tomorrow!!! And I have to go to debating,which kidna sucks, because I think I mentioned that they think I'm a dumb nincompoop. Oh well. I get free trips out of it. I'll just try to be a little less overpoweringly Becca for the next while and hopefully they will get used to me. But seriously, the one guy there was the cockiest little numbnutty butt-wipe I've ever met. And that's who's supporting Stephen Harper. Yah you may be winning, but no one likes you :P

Apologies to any readership who supports the Harper government. He has goofy hair, and therefore cannot have my approval.

So, about giraffes

We talked about them briefly in biology today.
There was a scientist named Lamarck who thought that the things that animals changed about themselves or learned would be inherited by its offspring. The example was a giraffe who needed to eat tall leaves, so it grew a longer neck and passed it on to all its children.
Then of course Darwin came along and was like "You're ridiculous".

But yah, if I could just will myself to have a crazy biological trait it would be photosynthesis. If I didn't need to have food ever, I wouldn't have to work. I wouldn't have to go to school. I could literally live in a field with my horse and we would chill. If everyone in the wolrd could photosynthesize, it would totally overthrow current forms of government. Haiti would be one of the healthiest places to live. And Africa wouldn't have to worry about too much anymore. It would make living in Canada a bit icky in the winter. Not that it's an fun now :P.

And if people were green all conceptions of what a beautiful person is would be totally changed. Would we change colours in the fall?

No, I don't have anything better to do with my time.

Except maybe get a piercing :D

Monday, September 15, 2008

Shame on me!

Blogging in class. I know, I'm a horrible person.
This is actually one of the less horrible classes. Physics. I've mentioned my prof before, haven't I?
Very excitable British/African man. I'm a little scared of how excitable this person is, honestly. Uniform motion is really not that exciting. Right now he's speaking to his laser pointer....

Anyhow, I've been a lazy bum lately. I haven't done my laundry, haven't done my homework, haven't been social.

I just want to stay home and go on fb and read and drink tea. It makes this whole university degree business verr depressing.

Stuff in general has been trying to gwt me down lately. My teflon shield against negativity is wearing down. Just friends being wonky and school being busy and mothers being stressful...


I found a new stress avoidance tool though: Jeff Dunham!
He's a ventriloquist, actually. He has these weird acts with puppets named Peanut and Achmed the Dead Terrorist. I'm sure you've heard of him. If not, Youtube!

And people watching continues to be interesting. My roomie is obsessed with this one guy that's in a whole bunch of our classes. So we always try to find him in lectures. Entertaining, at least.

My prof concluded that life is good. I should pay attention now...

oh, and I don't feel as guilty for blogging. The guy beside me is reading a book and totally not even in the room. Hah.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Catcher in the Rye

I had heard from a lot of people that it was amazing, that it was their favourite book, that it was life-changing, etc. And some of these people were respectably smart.
So when I saw it at Chapters for cheap, I thought "Hey, it's gotta at least be decent" right?

Wrong! Dumb book!

If I wanted to listen to someone curse and whine about life, I have several emo friends who use a more diverse vocabulary than this stupid book.

And now I have cursing back in my brain, so I hafta focus when I speak so that I don't curse every other word, which is annoying. It will take me a while to get it all cycled back out.

However, I also bought "The Illead", "The Odyssey", and "Emma" at about 3.50 a piece. I wonder what Homer would have thought about that. Or the guy who translated Homer's books to English. Each one took him a decade and he considered them his life's work. On a 3/$10 rack.

Why would you dedicate your life to something like that? Seriously. How does it really impact the good of the race? I bet after he finished all that process, and he could finally sit back in his easy chair the first night after all the publication hubbub was finished, he was like "Well what the heck am I to do now?"....

If I'm going to make something my life's work, it's going to be something momentous, like world peace or teleportation.

Now I'm going to finish my tea and go to bed.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Disappointment on an empty stomach

It's pretty rough, let me tell you.
I haven't been shopping this week, so today I ate rice for dinner, and that was all.
Kinda 3rd world in that sense. I shouldn't complain.

But then I went to this Campus for Christ thing. I was really looking forward to it, actually. I was hoping incredibly much that I could meet some people with both brains and God, which are decidedly rare. And I was hoping for a connection with God. And I don't mean a sink into the mellow wave of emotion that is brought on by the closeness of people singing the same song. I get that from choir rehearsal. I mean a connection in my mind. Newness of perspective.

And I was incredibly disappointed. Not a brain in the room. Emotion enough to start a Save the Children campaign, but no minds. Example: one of the songs was about shouting praises and whatnot. Right there = problem. I've heard shouting before. We sing about shouting from mountains. Thousands of people have heard that before, and we all know that no one is climbing Everest. What about debating in parliament? That is vastly more practical and truthful, really. Anywhosie, I digress. Spoke of shouting.
What did the song leader do? Invoked the emotion factor. I mean the slow down, drop the instrumentals, and repeat until everyone's 'godly passion' makes them trail off into prayer...
heLLO?! SHOUT?! THINK PEOPLE!!! I was considering shouting, really, just to prove a point. But I stopped because it's not my place to redirect the herd. But seriously, THINK about what you're saying, people. Yes, you may feel good, but there's more to this God thing than emotion. YOU feel fuzzy, but what does HE feel? THINK!

So I wandered home singing old hymns with meanings and thought much about religion and what it is to me. And I decided it's something inseparable from the other factors of me. And I found some other conclusions, but they are less definable.

On a positive note: guess who is coming to speak at the cafe on tuesday night? Oh, it's no big deal, just a little someone called SHANE KOYCZAN!!!!
I'm still not sure if I can make it, but I will fuh shizz try to be!! Huzzah for thought!!!

My latin prof

seriously talks like the shop teacher in this video. Enjoy!
There is nothing better than a bit of Three Dog Night in the morning. Start your day off with a smile and a dance!
My faves are:
"Black and White"
"Summer in the City"
"Your Momma Don't Dance"
"Joy to the World"

The numbers of smiles these songs have given me is probably a world record or something.
And buddies from last night are still drunk. Hah. Nancies.

To digress

from the general purpose of this blog, I would like to say that after a certain point, drunk people are no longer funny, they are annoying.
We've spent the last 2 hours trying to get 2 COMPLETELY tanked and caffeinated drunk guys to bed. One of them wasn't too bad. He just threw up and laid there. The other one has been kicking walls, smashing his head against them, ranting about going to LA, and waltzing around in his whitie tighties.
At least I don't have class at 830 am...

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I never got around to completing that thought from bio, did I?
Ah well.
Here's an addition to it.
There was a little bug crawling around on my laptop just now (I'm outside). He crawled under the "alt" button, which I then hit repeatedly and rapidly. Here is what we know of the situation:
size of bug= small
mode of death = violent
lifespan = short
intelligence = negligible.
Knowing these factors, can you derive his purpose?
It is either infinite or zero. I don't know which because those two numbers are so alike.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

An hour on the steps

I'm going to people watch and document it. Here we go:

1: Fellow in a red sweater with beard
2: Old couple looking worried
3:Blonde guy
4:Blonde girl all in black, very angry-business-type
5:Guy in black sweater vest, friendly looking
6: Punk in yellow shirt. Looks like he stole something
7: Preppy girl with shiny purse
8:Girl who looks like Julie Andrews in the sound of music...
9: Guy who looks like my brother with bright red hair.
10: Squirrel!!
11:busy looking asian guy
12: totally not busy looking girl in pink. probably likes high school musical :P
13: prep couple. all giggly. ew.
14:girl with disgusting coloured leggings. did you puke on your legs?
15:girl with strange wooden device. probably for torturing the squirrel.
16: girl with red shorts walking really really weirdly. probably repositioning her shoe.
17: guy with very cool artistic clothing but unfriendly face.
18: guy with ipod who smiled at me :D
19:guy with orange shirt and shiny water bottle. intensely healthy, prolly.
20: 2 nerds discussing something smart.
21: nerd couple discussing something with money
22: girl with pink sweater and shopping bag. looks average and friendly. she's cool.
23: two guys with white shirts and jeans. probably planned to coordinate. they were the type who would.
24: girl with ugly turquoise boots
25: girl who sighed like the weight of the world was in her backpack
26: little professor on yellow bicycle. very funny looking :D
27: guy on cell whining about biology.
28: guy with ridiculous plaid jacket. get a fashion sense!
29: guy with extreeemely long strides! slow down!
30: jock couple: guy puffed out his chest like a pelican
31: eldery hippie type lady. looked very serene.
32: guy with funky skateboard and green headband. should give some of his fashion sense to #28!
33: guy coming down steps while texting. glared at me :P
34: couple across street. looking at me suspiciously. yes I am writing about you! hah!
35: fellow with loosened up tie. looks like he needs tea
36: asian guy with awesome stripey shirt
37: guy in business dress with funky sunglasses. looks like he should be in the matrix
38: guys with iced caps.... can i have some?
39: threesome of jock/cheerleader chicks. ergh!
40: nerd with environmentalist tshirt. DON'T RECYCLE! hah!
41: girls reading and walking. bad idea. you will trip
42: scary girl with awful hair that i see everywhere. very keen on school.
43: guy with aviators telling a "funny story" to his buddy
44: guy with green and white gift bag. i wonder who it's for. prolly his girlfriend. she's prolly mean. he looks nice.
45: guy with green sweater and a smoker's cough.
46: guy with combat boots and a purpose
47: group of people with posters.
48: two guys. one is texting. the other looks bored and socially uncomfy
49: tall aggie nerd type. hehe, funny looking
50: two jock nerds. i love jock nerds.
51: drama freak couple. black sweaters and weird hair are a dead giveaway.
52: very confused looking guy with a heavy looking black bag. may be a cocaine addict, keeps touching his nose.
53: intense little goth guy. crazy boots and chains. blonde though, and looks like he's in grade 8. prolly hasn't hit puberty yet. why is he here?
54: matrix guy again. from #37
55: guy with nice face. the friendly intelligent sort.
56: girl who almost runs me over. DO NOT WALK AND TEXT!!
57: annoying jock/punk guys. one with poster. prolly a stupid one like Brittney spears. jerk.
58: girl with crazy hair and brown boots. i don't like boots season.
59: girl with hair so blonde it's almost green. maybe she swam in too much chlorine this summer
60: lady all in black with a chain on her glasses, like the ones librarians wear. heheheh.
61: guy in orange hollister tshirt and flip flops. not a fan. actually, he has a nice smile. semi fan.

traffic is speeding up too much, and it's almost class, so there we go. that was actually really enjoyable in spite of funny looks.

A bit delayed ... :D

I haven't been able to blog as smoothly lately because of internet connection issues in my residence. But here is my update:

I cracked open one of the books that I brought with me that I'd never read before. It is by the author Stephen Leacock, who I knew I had read and enjoyed, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what he had written. It was a collection called "Literary Lapses": basicly a collection of little articles and blurbs that the author had just lumped together into this book. Much like a blog :D
Anyhow, the first piece was entitled "My Financial Career". Sounds boring eh? It turned out to be one of the most delightfully ridiculous pieces I've ever read. Just plain goofy! And every article succeeding it became weirder. For example: "A New Pathology". This piece is the author turning clothing malfunctions into diseases. Explodius is losing buttons. Hard to explain, but it was frikken hilarious.

And it was comforting to know that all through history there have been people with the same weird sense of humour and crazy as me :D

And I believe there is nothing more warming and enjoyable on this campus than a Williams Chai Tea Latte. Nothing.

I had an insanely happy day yesterday. And today is sunny and just a bit chilly and I've been enjoying people watching. And I have Latin this afternoon which means I will be checking blogs frantically for something to occupy myself with, and maybe striking up a conversation with that interesting guy who is like quadrilingual.... :D

Some random guy just gave me a bus pass... bonus!!

Oh, and deep thought from biology today: Why do living things reproduce?
Think about that for a while. I may complete my thoughts on it during Latin :D

The cool rastafarian guy sitting on the couch next to mine just got rejected by bus pass man.

Is really the only point of reproduction in nature to carry the life process beyond the span of the individual? That strikes me as morbidly sad.

Ah well, I got made so I'm going to enjoy my lattes and people watching and bus pass and Stephen Leacock.

..... :D

Monday, September 8, 2008

Back to years of emotion

Blink 182 really is the shizz.
I don't care what anyone says.
I know they're so grade 8.
But there are days when you wish that you never had to leave grade 8, and all the issues you thought you had got rid of them come back and once again you feel the power of the Blink to sound exactly as you feel.

That is my nostalgia

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Avoiding the angst!

Go me!
I've just been buoying myself up with xkcd comics and my recently updated music library.

I still feel homeless. But being able to lounge and chat with my roomies about the weekend helped. I'm settling in.

I brought a few things to make this feel more like my own spot. Namely, my random music library. From Woody Guthrie to Metallica to Pierre Lapointe, it makes me feel like I'm my weird little self again.

Anyway, the weekend was cool. Went out with the guys and played fortunes and turned my minivan into a mad party on wheels with the song "What Is Love". Couldn't be sad while feeling my minivan bounce under me and getting funny looks from other drivers with their windows out. Also went to look at kitties in petcetra and there were really cute ones :D.

I love furry animals! I want to own a zoo!
And I had tea!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

A Brand New Obsession!

I love comics.
I love humour (after all, what can we do if we can't laugh?)
But I also love thought
And deep ness.

Introducing the latest in all of these:
It's almost like someone blogging through a comic strip. Although it's really funny, bits and pieces of the author's personality and experiences seep in and make it so much more valuable than just a chuckle. Also, when you hold your mouse over the comic, a little yellow text block pops up and adds a little something more.

It's probably the awesomest thing I've found in a long time. Thank you, doug's facebook!

Here are some of my favourites: (links because otherwise you don't get the nice yellow bubbles) (click next until part 5)

Ok, I know that's quite a few, but they are WORTH the click space! And bookmarking! Love this guy, whoever he is.

Unpleasant realization

I've lost my home.
And I mean that in a very literal sense.
I'm at my parents' house this weekend. They'e already moved my little sister into my old room. All my stuff that I couldn't bring is in boxes and bags all packed up. They haven't fed the chameleon. I don't live here anymore.
And at school, I don't have my own space where I can completely relax and not feel anyone breathing down my neck. Always polite and always chill and tidy. I'm a one dimensional good kid and my soul is one inch thick. I don't fit in well there.

It's like I'm taking a vacation from a really crappy summer camp at an equally crappy bed and breakfast.

I'm just freaking out because of the change I suppose. I did enjoy hanging out with my siblings. But I must say my expectations on the food end of things have been severely let down.

Maybe I should have gone out tonight to combat the angst. Not that anyone invited me out, but I could have found something.

Bah, it's only friday night.... saturday morning. "The sun'll come out tomorrow"... actually I really liked the weather today. Drizzly off and on but mostly just a strong breeze and clouds. A fresh winds that fills your lungs unexpectedly and pushes up your eyelids and makes you feel like you're out on a boat at sea, about to face a massive storm that might jeopardize your life. But the wind pushing into your lungs gives you energy almost like it does to the sail and you want to yell "LET'S DO THIS!!" to whoever and whatever is around. Love that.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Reasons I'm excited to be home this weekend

  • I get to see Jemmers
  • I get to see amie
  • I don't hafta pay for my own food
  • No drunk people screaming at 2 am
  • I won't hafta make an attempt to be pleasant
  • Better toilet paper! the stuff here is like unprocessed tree bark
  • My piano! "My baby grand's been good to me"...good tune!
  • Hanging out with my little sister
  • Freaking out my parents with crazy stories
  • I can forget about class and homework
  • Actually not forget, but I can get help from my dad for calculus hopefully.
  • Did I mention food? I miss my mother cooking for me already.
  • Pick up the box of books I forgot
  • New glasses
  • Amalie
  • Jemma
So huzzah for being close enough to home. I'm quite happy with my current situation in life. Actually I'm sitting on a cold hard cement floor, so once I get up I'll be happier. But in the grand scheme of things it's not too serious a complaint.

I've never been into public blogging

But at the moment the publicity is much better than the alternative.
The alternative is being in my dorm with people drunk (yes, it is only 9:40) and yelling and whatnot.
I really like the university as a place. The buildings are old, and that makes me happy. Old buildings always are reassuring. It's like they tell you "hey, you might think life is crappy right now, but I've seen worse, and I'm still standing".
But then there are the newer buildings, like the University Center, where I am right now. They have sweet lighting and lots of windows and awesome food :D.

So the university itself is amazing. But I have failed to meet any people with whom I click. And it is upsetting. Maybe I haven't made the effort enough. Maybe such people don't exist. But the fact remains that I feel rather out of the loop just now.

Ah well, home for the weekend will be fun. Seeing my horsie and my boys and amie. Bien!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

For the smiles

Bloggable thoughts lacking.
Not enough time to think quietly.
Most quiet time absorbed by homework and other such pursuits.
Stare at the Beatles' Abbey Road poster for hours on end, and I'm sure you will have weird ideas too.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

"Sometimes the party takes you places you didn't really plan on going"
Like through a wall.
I was never meant to hav people around all the time.
I may snap. Fortunately I get a vacation this weekend!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I’ve been waiting for a chance to blog these past few days, but it’s been ridiculously busy. And when I finally find the time to hook my computer up to the internet, I get distracted by facebook or Fugly Horse of the Day or other blogs or MSN. So I’m writing this on my computer’s word processor and I will transfer it later.

This wee has been intense. I’ve met sooo many people; it’s a little overwhelming. I really like the people I’m living with though. Here’s a quick overview of them.

Vanessa: my roomie, known her forever, we’re having a jolly old time.
Elaine: very quiet until we hung out a bit more. Funny sense of humour
Richard: also known as Jumpsuit. Good taste in music, and a nice enough fellow
Gary: also known as Dale. Bad taste in music, and a nice enough fellow. A farm boy.
Colin: moved in on saturday but no one has seen or heard from him since
Liz: seems nice but keeps very much to herself
Steve: also known as Gandalf. Looks nothing like the wizard, but reminds me of him nonetheless
Ryan: Steve’s roomie. Jock type. Pretty eyes.
Victoria: a little scary, actually. I don’t think I’ve even seen her uninfluenced.
Chris: moved in late. A little shy until he’s had a bit to drink.
Andrea: haven’t seen much of her, but she’s generally along with Victoria. And she and Jumpsuit have hit it off.... hmm.

And that’s it. I think we’re gonna get along okay this year. I’m secretly hoping a few people will drop out.
I also haven’t been very comfortable this week in general. I’m not used to having people around all the time, and even when they aren’t around, it’s noisy. I’m so used to having quietness. So I’m very tired all the time.

SO some of the events we’ve gone to have been interesting. We went to a Ramadan celebration for the free pizza and met a really nice girl there and chatted for forever. We went to a yoga class and it was outside, so it became more of a mosquito’s picnic. We visited this free water tank thing and had a nice long talk with the hippies running it. We’ve gotten like every available free dinner. We learned how to two-step last night.

My legs hurt cuz I’m also not used to this much walking.

I’ve had a few deep thoughts cross my mind this week, but I haven’t had the time to write them down, so I’ve forgotten them. Most of them have centered around the book I’m reading: All Quiet on the Western Front. It’s a novel about WWI written from the perspective of a young German soldier. The writing is fantastic, but the book is so sad that I hardly want to read it. The soldier, between battles and bombs and people dying and such always returns to the same point. When he joined the army with a whole bunch of his friends, he was eighteen. He keeps saying that none of them know what to do after the war because war is all they know how to do. They cant’ go back to school because after an education on the front it would seem ridiculous. They have no training for actual jobs. They have no family or land to tie them to a particular place. They are soldiers and that is all they can define themselves to society as. And the soldier constantly repeats that he wouldn’t know what to do if the war were over.

I really have to read a happy book. Between this and Nineteen Eightey-four I’ve been altogether too depressed lately. Chick novel anyone?

Then again I can never really feel satisfied with happy books. They’re way to unrealistic in a way. They always finish with a happy event, but generally the characters are still young. So the reader isn’t supposed to think that spot to the time where the hero gets cancer and wastes painfully away to nothing. The heroine (who is inevitably married to the hero) loses her beauty over time through the stress of family life. The plump little baby who enters only at the end of the story turns into a rebellious teens and makes her parents’ lives generally miserable until she runs away at age 16 and gets pregnant with the villan, who is mysteriously ageless.

And so there are no happy endings. And because I think of my life as a weird sort of novel, I don’t want a happy ending necessarily. I want one that is satisfying though. Where I can look at myself in the end and feel like I did what I could with what I was given, and I got what I could out of it, and I put what I could into it.

Rudyard Kipling is good with those kind of endings. I truthfully revere that man. Genius!

...I’m just going to keep adding to this until I get a chance to post it. The Colin fellow has made an appearance. Apparently he had commitments this weekend.
I went to a meeting this morning to get info on the College of Biological Sciences here. Apparently there are like 300 people wanting to get in to vet college that were there. I’m assuming there were some slackers who didn’t come. But that means I need to get mind-blowing marks. Oh well. If this all fails perhaps I can work in a coffee shop for the rest of my days? Ergh!

Flight of the Conchords continues to be my favourite method of stress avoidance