Saturday, September 20, 2008

What is love?

Yes, I know it is 303am
Yes, I know that in 4 hours I hafta be up to drive to toronto
But I had coffee with dinner and I just watched the first and only season of the show "The Class"
And it accidentally made me think.

Accidentally as in the show wasn't trying to make me think.

And of course it's about love. What to lame sitcoms talk about if not their 2 dimensional people and their silly relationships?

I've got a lot in my brain, and I can't make it come out sounding anything like sense.

Ok, so here are my previously mentioned principles:
1: There is no "one" other for any given person
2: People can't know one another completely
3: People suck (actually that's a really generally applied principle, but it relates)
4: My perfect guy doesn't exist

Would all that added up be depressing? Am I sad about it? I know I've mentioned this before but it keeps coming back because of certain factors in my life just now making me psychoticly horomonal and emotional.

And every time, it comes back to God. I owe him at least a mention in my blog. I don't know why I'm always so pussy about actually saying his name. Am I ashamed of him? I hope not. I always feel like I shouldn't commit. I don't know if I'm more afraid of letting him down or committing to a religious group I oppose.

But with him, all those reasons become irrelevant. God is the best parts of everyone. Every beutiful dimension of every personality came from his imagination. He has to know me completely. All the stupid songs I sing to myself in my brain and all the scenarios I invent for myself but never have the courage to get to. And he avoided sucking by not being a person, which is nice. And then, if all that is true, and he still loves me, then finding a guy can't matter.

Why could I be lonely? Trees are like.... beautiful.

I don't know what all that was, but I'm happy it's out. I don't want to be scretivw about that part of me. It's so big inside but I can hardly ever let it leak out cuz I don't want people to be like "Oooh, she's a Christian. That means she's a good girl, loves her mamma, loves Jesus, and America too..."

I wish I didn't hafta say christian. I just love God. He made trees. Am I too obsessive over trees?

And no apologies.

1 comment:

  1. i love the quote from "free falling".
    and yes, it's okay to run from labels. being honest about loving God in a society that increasingly denigrates Christianity is challenging. i'm only now learning how to be open about my love affair with the creator. and i'm learning to care less if people decide i'm a freak before they even get to know me..but that seems to be happening less. blessings:)