Saturday, August 30, 2008

False Fears

Alright, I admit it, I blew it out of proportion. Granted I'm still not good at meeting people, and I'm still a bit scared of a few, I'm really excited to be here now. I want to see what will happen. I know I'm in the right place.

I'll post ohotos of my room soon.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Something tells me I'll never be close to another like you
Helped me through the tings that we all go through.
Cuz you make every song sound better,
Taught me how to write a letter.
I think everyone should get along like me and my first sterero

And you used to sing me to sleep
and always stood behind me
Everyone wants, everyone needs,
everyone hurts sometimes like me
It never rejects me, always accepts me
nothing can compete with my first stereo

My First Stereo - FM Static

I'm leaving a stage of life tonight. And I really wish there were certain people backing me up on this, but they don't approve. They have no idea how much it hurt to have them selfishly doubting me when what I wanted...needed... was reassurance. I wanted to be told that we're still gonna talk and laugh and hang out. I wanted to feel that they support my decisions like I supported theirs. I wanted someone to hold onto through the crazy, because I know there were a number of times where I've held on when a lot of people didn't. And of course, they couldn't do that for me.

Angsty maybe.... but I blame my tummy, my lack of sleep, and the nassty little horde of flies in my living room. Gosh, you little beasts, go procreate elsewhere!

Yes, I know what time it is...

And I can't sleep.
Dang I'm scared of school.
Thank whoever is in charge for minorly buzzed out friends to whom I can rant at 3 am.
And screw the ones who only want to bring me down.

Idealism is a strange thing, and it's a depressing thing, but I am still looking for Cyrano de Bergerac. I'm falling in love with the character Jim from The Office. Don't even ask. I started watching it this evening, and I'm halfway through season two and the guy is juss soooo cute. If I sleep, I'll get over it. Then again, it's pleasant thinking.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A moment that I would rather not have had

Can we please retake that one?
Oh man.
Unnecessary pain and negativity and yelling and headaches and tummy aches and just stupidness.
What the heck is your problem? Get out of my puddles. The way you move and speak and treat me move me to rage so quickly that I can't understand what the heck happened to the brain I thought I had. For the sake of everyone involved, do not start with me. Because I won't start with you, but if you start it I'm not going to back down. That puddle water is going straight into your face.

On the other hand, thanks to my boys. You know how to cheer me up.

Before this happened, I wasn't doing too bad. I wrote a thing about a guy I saw at No Frills. Here you go:

What's wrong with these people that they can't be content? The media drives them and they're intent on seeing their hard earned cash well spent. Business man driving a beat up red car. He's pretty successful, yep, he's gone far. But he can't be happy till he has a new car. It's a blot on his shiny image, like a disfiguring scar. No man, you're never gonna attain it: the level of stuff where you say "that's enough" is further away than when you started to chase it. Your blue shirt and yellow tie look spiffy and they fit, and if you drive a crap car we're all ok with it. Because you've done fine, man, you're worth more than the outfit. So if you drive a crap car, then own it. That new car won't make the crazy go away. That resentment inside you that's rising and writhing; and one day you'll snap and end up despising all the time you wasted and it will be surprising how much you hate this perfect image that you've been devising. Man, know yourself, that's all you can do. You can't let the media get to you. They will tell you that to be happy you've got to be new when in reality you've only got to be true - to yourself and the crazy, because you know it's real. The only reality is what you feel, and that's what the commercials try to steal. Hold on to it, man, and drive that car. I think it makes you original.

That was my supermarket shpeel.
And I love my horse and the people at the barn because they know when to leave well enough alone.
And I love the movie Tropic Thunder. I don't care what anyone says - Ben Stiller is hilarious.

How am I supposed to survive another 3.5 days?
"Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away. And now I need a place to hide away. Oh I believe in yesterday" - the Beatles. Thank you for writing that song. And all your songs. The music of reality, it is.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

And I watched the first half hour of "Into the Wild" and decided I couldn't.
That wasn't what Chris Mcandless wanted.
All he wanted was to free himself from this stupid materialistic network that is becoming more and more impossible to escape.
And a movie isn't any part of that. He in a shining example of how people need to stop looking to movies and media to define them, and find their own minute, delicate shade of meaning and existence. Silly movies.

I'm scared out my jeans of the future

Seriously scared.
My stomach contracts and I feel my forehead crinkle up involuntarily.
Not the immediate future. That's quite manageable to think of. Next week, next month, next year.
It's the indefinite future. "At some point fast approaching". The point where everyone I know and who knows me has died, and all the people who knew them died. All memory has passed out of existence. And the future is entirely out of my hands. There will be a time of the future like that for everyone. There are thousands of humans who are dirt and dust and farms now, and all memory of them is gone. Shakespeare's time is coming. One day the last person to hear the long-lost legend of a great poet will die. His wikipedia page will have been deleted by some agency for avoiding dwelling on the past. And it will be just like he never existed.

I digress. To the point...

I am reading "Ninteen Eighty-Four" by George Orwell. Terrifying book. I'm honestly afraid to read it further because I don't want to think about it, and I don't want to believe it. The idea of no more love, no more aspiration to goodness, and the never ending knowledge that everything one does is monitored makes me so afraid for my world, my race, and the offspring thereof. Envision the effects of needing to maintain that mask of orthodoxy, even when you sleep, eat, shower, and blog. The knowledge that "nothing was your own except the few cubic centimetres inside your skull".

And it really could happen. Not for a long time, of course, we're still holding our own. But our language is slipping away. Words denoting the finest shades of meaning - the shades that make meanings individual and minute and real, such as nature is - are disappearing. Do you know the word 'ecru', for example? It's a beautiful, natural colour, and I can picture it precisely in my mind because it is specific and clear. A common word such as 'bad' though, that word is undefined as the universe. Bad as in Saddam Hussein or as in splurging on a pair of shows you know you don't really need? Bad as in being a pedophilic monstrosity or bad as in the sketchy fruit in my refridgerator? 'Bad' is a child's word. They lack direct comprehension, so their language must also be vague. They don't know what they're getting at. If our language becomes vague, we will no longer be able to communicate exactly what we mean. And then the fight is up. Because then how will we describe to someone exactly the colour of unbleached linen? How can I define the difference between an aquaintance and a friend if the only word for either is 'comrade'?

The book has gotten to me. I'm only on page 57. All I know is that I am rather passionate about ecru and my right to not be watched by the government every moment of every day. I like that I right now can make any expression I like and no one will know the difference. There. I just made a grimace-y rat face at the window. Serves it right.

Anyway, I had jolly fun at my first horse show today. Jemma and I won ribbons and a bit of money. So I got myself an iced cap. I didn't give Jem anything. She was happy enough to get back to her field and graze with her best but Jenevieve. I am gonna miss that horse so much. I've become so accustomed to loving her. There are some days where I imagine she doesn't mind me too much either. *sigh*. Today was my last saturday in Elmira. Ooh man.

*stomach goes AH! NO!*

The Shuffle Game

Thought I'd include this for some fun.

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

1)Are you a male or female?
Tel un Seul Homme - Pierre lapointe... oh dear!

2) Describe yourself?
Norweigian Dance - Edvard Greig

3) How do you feel about yourself?
African Sunset - Miriam Makeba

4) Describe your family.
Who Am I - from Les Miserables

5) What would your family say about you?
Vision of Escaflone - Cantos Gregorianos

6) Describe your current love interest?
Summer In the City - Three Dog Night (aka SEXAY!)

7) What would your current love interest say about you?
Money, Sucess, Fame, Glamour - Party Monster

8) Describe your current location:
Piano Bar - Norah Jones

9) Describe where you want to be:
A Heart Full of Love - from Les Miserables (I hate this song passionately)

10) Describe what you want to be:
March of the Dead - Becoming the Archetype

11) Describe your best friend:
Emo - Blink 182 (oh snap Amie!)

12) What would your best friend say about you?
Angel - Rammestein (OH SNAP! oh amie, hah)

13) Your favorite color is:
Cleaning Out my Closet - Eminem (yes I have him on my iPod)

14) You know that:
Roving Gambler - Arlo Guthrie + Pete Seeger

15) What is the weather like?
Down on Main Street - Bob Seeger

16) If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
The Journey - Karl Jenkins

17) What is life to you?
Girl at the Rock Show - Blink 182

18) What is the best advice you have to give?
Two A.M. Lovesick - Blue October

19) What is the meaning of life?
Buckets for Bullet Wounds - House of Heroes

20) What is life’s biggest problem?
Symphonie Fantastique - Hector Berlioz

21) What solves the mysteries of life?
Philosophy - Ben Folds Five

22) What is your dream?
Our House - Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young

23) What is your greatest fear?
I Am Cow - Arrogant Worms (HAH! I really would hate being a cow, it's true)

24) What is your worst attribute?
On A Day Like Today - Bryan Adams

25) What is your greatest strength?
Mustang Sally - Blues Brothers

26) Describe your love life:
Down On the Corner - CCR (sketchy... hehe)

27) How are you going to die?
Youth of the Nation - P.O.D. (actually, if you listen to this song, that's how I'd wanna go.

28) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash

29) What do your friends think of you?
We've Got Tonight - Bob Seeger

30) What is your funeral song going to be?
Witches Sabbath - Hector Berlioz

31) What will you be remembered for?
Elegy - As I Lay Dying

32) What will end up being your greatest accomplishment?
Rise Inside - Killswitch Engage

33) What will be engraved on your tombstone?
25-1-14-14 - Pierr Lapointe (This is a really sweet song. Instrumental only)

I didnt like how some of those didn't make any sense. My faves are 1, 11, 12, and 26. This is fun though. Hehe.
Ugh, my insides hurt. I've taken enough painkillers to kill the average cat, and have not received any benefit. Here's to a long night.

Actually today was pretty sweeet. My last day of work! And one really nice lady there took the time to wish me the best in life and to tell me that I was a nice person and a good worker. I don't think anyone made me feel that special and appreciated in a long time.

Anyway, so after work my friend who I haven't seen for a long time came to hang out, we ate soup and chatted, it was fun. Then Amalie joined us, we picked up Colgate, and went to the band camp concert.

Admittedly, they mostly sucked. But I love seeing the people there, and it was an excuse to vent crazy. And I got to see a couple people I haven't seen in years.

Years. Such a short time. But theoretically, a year is generally about an 80th of our life. I'm not living that long. So in my case, one 40th part. And I'm already done almost 17. So I only have 23/40 remaining. Let's say 7 of those go to university. That's 16/40 remaining. 2/5ths of my life will be left. Do I want to spend those last 2 precious 5ths working? Heck noah! Must contrive a plan!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I just want you to know...

Have you said that phrase before?
What were the circumstances?
I always picture the last conversation someone has with a close friend or family member before they die or leave and won't see them ever again (another thing that is impossible about modernity: facebook is anti climactic).
I've been thinking about my death a lot lately. Maybe it's more correct to say I've been thinking about what people will think about my death, and what kind of funeral I want and such. The result of my musings is as follows...
I don't want a funeral. They make people depressed.
If my mother absolutely must have one, I consent, as long as there is an open bar and live band while everyone eats those sketchy sandwiches afterwards.
I also will choose the music, which will include "Life Is Beautiful" by Sixx AM, "You're a Hamburger" by Radio Free Vestibule, and "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles.
Instead of only sketchy sandwiches, I'm pushing to have a barbecue and steak....
I don't want a tombstone. They're ugly.
In fact,I would like to be buried in a horse field. Is that legal? hm...
All my money (if I have any) will be donated to the upkeep and re-homing of my pets.
My journals can be sold to a publishing company for as much profit as possible.
All of my personal belongings can be picked through by whoever. Whatever is left over can be thrown out or sent to the thrift store.
I want my bedroom to by turned into a green room. Lots of trees.
I want only people who knew me well to speak at my funeral. I'm sorry, family, that kinda leaves you out.
I want my brother Nathan to play a song at said funeral. Preferably one of the ones he's written.
I want a commemorative plaque to be placed somewhere arbitrary and ludicrous. ie: In the middle of the 401....
I want band camp people to be invited. Sorry mom, you may not like them, but I do.

But most of all I hope that I won't die with a "I just want you to know" phrase unsaid.
I just want you to know I love you
I just want you to know that laughter is the only thing worth fighting for
I just want you to know that I'm okay with dying.

A bit of a morbid topic, but that's what I've been thinking about these long day at the factory.

Now then, I'm all happy cuz this is my last week of work!! HAH! I win....
And there's an awesome concert on friday.
And I don't hafta worry bout my funeral, cuz 'm not gonna have one
Life is goood

Monday, August 18, 2008

So I'm a terrible human being

But I really don't mind it.
I've ruined a few people's days in the last little while. Not intentionally., of course, because I do really try to be a nice person inspite of my constant desire to contradict them and (for some people) wring their little necks. But it seems like a certain new aquaintance of mine (not technically new, but we didn't much talk before) wants me to fight. I've mentioned this person before. My puddle friend. A very dramatic person. Unfortunately because of strings attaching this person to several other friends I actually like, I can't meet her for tea somewhere and then calmly proceed to break the person's face. So I keep attempting to be civil, friendly, and even conversational and interested in whatever they say. And what do I get? Dramatic accusations directed to me through other people. Please, sweetie, if you have something to say to me, let's deal with it face to face. Or fist to face...
I can't handle drama like I used to. I've been waking up at 4 am and 6:11 am for the past few days and just sitting and thinking about this. Why on earth do you want to bother me? It's not like I'm trying to ruin your life. You're trying to make it seem like I am so our mutual friends will think I'm a psychotic witch. Unfortunately, they should already know this, and if they aren't used to loving me for it, I'd be suprised.

In other news, I've a new idea.
Not so much new as the revival of an old idea that used to make me really happy, and I discovered still does.
I want to be an explorer.
I know it sounds a bit nutty, but I insatiably crave adventure.
I looked out the window the other night when I couldn't fall asleep. And the moon was so bright that it looked like late twilight instead of actual night. Right then and there I wanted to have my horse and go riding out until the sun came up and I could sleep in the shade beside a river, hiding from the people who were probably looking for me. I wanted to build a campfire and cook a bit of food for myself and wash it down with a bit of coffee. I wanted to be hungry and cold.
Because when one is hungry and cold, one is very much assured that one is alive.
I don't like being tied down by my job. I don't like having to go to school so I can have a better job. I read books about adventurers who simply wandered from place to place their whole lives, doing little jobs here and there, and I wish taht the world today were more condusive to that sort of thing.
I can't camp out in the wilderness, because people would arrest me for trespassing
I can't travel with just a canteen and blanket and matches because people want me to have ID and health insurance and the water isn't safe to drink anywhere.
I can't just leave my family and friends and go wandering because everyone is used to being connected now.
I can't travel happily wherever on my horse because not only would she kill me, but places aren't set up to accommodate horses anymore.
I can't.
But I will. Someday. I hope. I want to have adventures, and in spite of the world, I believe I will have them. I know I can't. But no one can stop me from trying and dying.
Here's to you, Christopher McCandless.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Have you noticed the ridiculous numbers of rainbows we've had recently? Splendid, I think. Oh how I love the rain! And fall is coming. I feel it in the air when I'm biking to and from work. The joyfulness of summer has a little hint of sorrow. It's not truly sad, but just a touch of something deeper. It's starting to show its age. A few yellow leaves, a cold edge to the breeze.

This morning when I was biking to work, I saw a really beautiful moment in nature. The sun was about 25 degrees off the horizon, and very yellow and bright. It had rained overnight, so all the woods and fields were moist and drippy and smelled like leaves and hay. As I came over on of the bridges, I noticed that in a newly cut wheat field, the dew was beginning to rise. It was so natural a scene that it felt sacred. Like it wasn't meant for humans to see nature in such a sublime moment. Of course, every day the dew rises and the sky soaks it up. But I felt very out of place on that bridge. Like I was the only one who didn't have a part in the big show. The sun evapourated the water, which trapped light for the plants, which showed off the movement of the breeze, which mystic shapes in the mist, which rose serenely through the sunlight and made everything seem like a moment when all nature would just explode into thousands of colours. Not forms and beings. Just light every shade of every rainbow that was ever conceived.

And who am I to see this? Just Becca. I felt like a person who doesn't know that the restaurant they're going to is really high class and wears mucky heans and a stained sweatshirt.

I don't feel as if I did nature any justice with this. A picture wouldn't either. For you to know what I mean, I would have to take you back to that exact moment and place and frame of mind. And the fact that that's impossible is a minor chord in a happy song. Makes it that much more beautiful

In theory...

I will blog
And then I will get myself cleaned up
And then I will read a bit
And then I will sleep
And then I will wake up and not be depressingly sleepy tomorrow...
As if. Whatever, at least the intentions are good.

Today was kinda weird. I was having anger issues all day at work. Just because of being reallly sleepy (I was out too late again. And then biking home made me so ridiculously happy. It was raining lightly. I could feel the coolness and smell the drippiness without worrying about the book in my bag getting wet. All the puddles on the trail looked like sheets of glass which made delicious slurpy noises when I ran them over. Splendid noise! Have you ever painted a nice clean wall with a roller that is reallly full of paint? That odd gooshy noise is kinda what biking in puddles sounds like.

And when I got home, I had a cookie dough fight with my little sister. I was sitting happily on my couch eating cookie dough, and she was like "Hey, cookie dough!" and then I said it was playdough. She juss kinda looked disappointed. I ate a big bite of it. It didn't sink in too quick, but then she got a really suprised look on her face. She demanded to know if it was actually cookie dough. I said "Of course! I ate it!" and she was like "Well I thought maybe you just liked playdough".
Some days that child destroys all my hopes of her having a brain. But then we had a nice brawl which ended with cookie dough on faces, in hair, down shirts, and embedded into carpets. My mother wasn't impressed, but we were thoroughly happy.

In theory, the rain doesn't make people happy.
In theory, cookie dough is meant to be baked and eaten
In theory, our society is the most advanced that history has ever seen.

And I say screw the theories. Live life for what it is. The thoeries can't always work because everyone experiences things with slightly different shades of emotion. Theories can't always work because no two situations are ever the same.

In theory, I am against theory....

You know when you say a word too many times it loses its meaning and just sounds weird?
Theory..... Theory....

And my song of the day is "Viva la Vida" by Coldplay

Monday, August 11, 2008

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Busy day, all in all. I am verr tired.
Actually kinda started last night. I went over to a buddy's house and a bunch of us played Apples to Apples for 2 hours. Much Hilarity. And then I was up late chatting to a friend online. It was one of those conversations about nothing important which are great company and comfort when you're feeling a bit miffed, as I was.
Then my family was up early this morning, so I woke up early also. Hung about the house until 1030ish when I went to church. I've been enjoying church so much lately, it's odd. I don't much know how to explain it except that it makes me feel like there is someone trying to tell me something I need to hear. And I've been so tired lately with religious stuff. Just that when you have no one to talk to about it, and you're always on the defensive or supportive end, you just need someone to lean on. And I don't really have a person that I can talk to about religious/faith stuff. Well, I did, but she just went to Calgary without telling me and her mother thinks she's never coming back and she won't answer my fb message. So that's upsetting. But I've just like going to church and blending in with a crowd there. Surrounded by people I don't know I feel like I'm going for myself, for my own love and purpose and enjoyment, and not to put on an appearance like happens so much in churches. And it's nice.

Then I went to the barn, and almost started crying cuz I thought about how much I'm gonna miss my Jemmers when I move.

Then I went to visit camp. That's right, band camp. I can't be a camper anymore, and I don't have the funds to be a leader in training, but I went to say hi to all my friends there. Got my quota of hugs for the week, ate massive amounts of sugar, and had a jolly old time in general. There's some people there that I lov eseeing so much and I rarely see them except camp and related events, but I really wish they were a bigger part of my life. Every time I see them we have fun and enjoy each other so thoroughly. It's a shame to think that in all liklihood they will soon drop out of my life altogether. In fact, I'm verr upset about it just now. Especially for a few people. *sigh*...

On a more major chord, I get paid this week!! Now Becca, repeat to yourself: I will put all of this paycheck into savings....

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Apples to Apples

That's the best game I own. Hands down. According to it, however, I'm desperate.

Desperate: to have a great desire or need of something. In the popular sense, it means to be much wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I don't much understand this desperation. Nopers. I can understand loneliness. I can understand wanting love. But the unquenchable desire to have a significant other bothers me.

A boyfriend won't fix loneliness. Yah, you'll be with someone, but eventually it will come sneaking back in through the cracks and crevices of your relationship. The doubt and fear will slip in under the door and no matter how many people you have, it's something that everyone must deal with in their own mind.

A boyfriend won't be perfectly loving. Yah, you get hugs and kisses, and nice presents and a significant other, but the need to have all of yourself loved for what it is can't be fulfilled by a person. People don't have the capacity to fully know each other, I think. Our minds aren't big enough to accommodate another one of the same size. Without complete comprehension of every facet of a person's character, I don't think we can say we love them unconditionally. Although I'm not sure of all that yet, it's looking promising.

So more or less if you aren't secure in yourself, getting a significant other won't make you secure. That's the drift.

And my latest deal is that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be single pretty much my whole life. I don't mind short term relationships, but they don't really count. Committing to a person who doesn't know and accept and love every part of me is scary. And I'm quite assured that's not possible, because I contradict myself constantly. So although I'm still open to the idea, I'm pretty certain it's out of the picture. And I'm not too worried about it

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Wagon Wheel

So this is about a song. Wagon Wheel by Against Me! I'm sure you all know it.
A friend gave me a cd with this song on it. I've heard the song before, actually. My oldest brother would sing it with his guitar a long time ago. It brings my mind back into my living room. I'm lying on the floor with my eyes half closed and it's cloudy outside and my mom is tlaking to someone in the kitchen. On the couch my brother is strumming abstractedly and looks out the window while his raspy voice tells this story.
It's a beautiful song. Musically, I mean. Simple, honest, and makes one feel both hope and the despair that makes one need hope. It's not many songs that do that. You feel the sadness coming up from somewhere deeper than the musician. It's like they found away to let the emotions of nature and the collective subconscious all funnel into the ground beneath their feet and then come pushing out into the song. I guess that's the key thing about the song. The emotion is coming from somewhere deeper than just a person. Like a forest playing the guitar. That's how it makes me feel, anyway.
The lyrics are awesome too. A guy just trying to be with the girl he loves. He's cold, he's tired. He's having a hard time. And he wants to be held by the girl he loves and that loves him. And usually I don't connect so much to love songs. But this one is about the basic human need for love kinda. We all have times when we are depressed and cold and exhausted and burnt out, and all we want is to curl up into a ball and be turned into a child again. Cradled into someone's lap while they rub your back and they know that talking isn't wanted. No worries, nice and warm, with no thoughts except how good it is to be loved.

Now onto my daily dose of Shank Koyczan. A strange type of poet, but splendid none the less. I'm gonna listen to one a day until I've gone through all the ones that my friend put on a cd for me. And then I might blog about my thoughts on them. Or I might just savour them for a while. Good blogs are like good alcohol: have been hanging around for a while getting better and better with age and turning.

And this is a blog note in general: if I start a point that seems interesting but then just totally lose it and bunny trail off into something else, it's cuz i'm always really tired when I blog.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Moral Issues

So I lied to my parents this weekend in order to go camping with my guy friends and learned a number of things
1. My mom was right. *sigh*. Situations are very delicate when you have that many horomones on one campsite, and there were moments when I wished I would have listened.
2. It's so easy to not bother with morals. I really wish I engaged in criminal activity and questionable substances, cuz it's so much easier to just not hafta worry about a reputation.
3. I'm a jerk.

So yah, other than that, my weekend was awesome
This evening I went out for coffee with my anti-dramatic friend (the good kind of anti-dramatic) and then came home and caused dramatics with the Criminal.

Ridiculous how often this happens. I really must learn to keep my vendettas to myself. So first I started a shtick about how nice it would be to become a druggie. Of course I didn't mean it. I was just out for a psychological stroll. And then a comment was made and drama began, and I really do feel the worse for fighting. Who am I to condemn other people's decisions? I know I've screwed up enough on my own. Then again, who is anyone else to say I'm a bad person, when I know they've done as much and worse.

Point being: I'm gonna let God take care of all the condemnation and judging stuff, cuz it's far too depressing for me.

So I definitely have found two new musical passions: Jack's Mannequin and the Arctic Monkeys. The first one is kind of Ben Folds sound and really deep and makes me think. The second is more Queen/ Beatles sound and really blatant and honest and makes me think.

Song of the day is "Mardy Bum" by the Arctic Monkeys, which has forced me to say sorry to the Criminal, because the last person I want to be is the one in that song. In fact, here are the lyrics so that you won't haft feel too guilty for not looking them up or finding the song...

Well now then Mardy Bum
I've seen your frown
And it's like looking down the barrel of a gun
And it goes off
And out come all these words
Oh there's a very pleasant side to you
A side I much prefer
It's one that laughs and jokes around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

Well now then Mardy Bum
Oh I'm in trouble again, aren't I
I thought as much
Cause you turned over there
Pulling that silent disappointment face
The one that I can't bear

Can't we, laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

And yeah I'm sorry I was late
well I missed the train
And then the traffic was a state
And I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate
That reoccurs, oh when you say I don't care
but of course I do, yeah I clearly do!

So laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Still, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

Yah. The last thing I want is to be always disapproving. I don't want to always hold the bad over people's heads and be a jerk expecting perfection. I want to be able to enjoy the laughs and good times. Because otherwise life gets too down and dirty and dramatic. I know I'm all argumentative. But I'm attempting to fix it. No, let's not argue over silly things. Because that's what causes wars and hate and fear. And what the world needs now is love.