Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Is a pretty rockin' film. I went to see it twice this week. I want my own sexy, 7 foot tall blue man :(

I also went to see The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus at the Princess theatre yesterday. It was a bit of a let down plot-wise. The visuals and the acting were superb though. It was Heath Ledger's last film, and I'm glad that he didn't end off as the Joker in my mind. There's a bit in the movie about how people who die while they're young never age, and so they are immortal. I think this is true in a way, and very interesting.

Anyway, I've had an interesting ride out of the break this year. I mostly was miserable on the 24,25, and 26th. There were some bright spots though. Mostly those bright spots were media induced. I think I'm beginning to avoid the world by watching movies. I would be more worried about how bad this is for my dear brain if I weren't so enjoying myself. I love that when I'm watching a movie I don't have to think about anything but the movie.

It's like reading a book but in a theatre my mother won't interrupt me. We need reading theatres (uh, Becca? that's called a library...)

Anyway, the space between my ears feels like buzzing emptiness. Like a glass jar or water with a wee jellyfish kinda gooshing around in it. I'm quite ok with it.

P.S. I love history and chai tea lattes also :)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Today I went from my comfy spot on the basement couch to the kitchen for food and back again.
That is all
I'm quite happy, really.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Facebook is too suggestive

I mean that in the most literal, un-euphamistic way there is.

May I also point out that this day is driving me crazy?

The true purpose (since the idea of 'meaning' is misleading) of Christmas:
Time of work, parties, and cake.

If I am not getting any of these at the time, you are not allowed to mention the holiday. If you want to plan some sort of holiday shindig in July, you better be giving me a cake or taking me to Paris.

Tomorrow shouldn't be as bad though. I get to eat delicious animals, and pie, and go to see a movie.

I got an awesome hat for cmas and MY OLDEST BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED! The one with the babies. Just found it out.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Advantage of Having a Cellular Telephone

Today, I thought, was going to be really slow.
I don't have to work tonight because of Christmas soon, and friends don't get off work until frekken 11pm so my plans, if I had any, were going to be late.
Then, at around 115, as I was lying in bed considering hauling myself into the daylight for food, my phone rang. (Can I use this moment to say that I love my ring tone? I love my ring tone.)
It was a friend I haven't seen in a while. She said she wanted to hang out and asked if I had stuff going on. She sounded really stressed out, and it is unusual for her to call.
So we agreed to go to the mall for tea and talking around 230.
She drove, which I count as a bonus!

It was one of the most relieving 2 hours of my life.

I was surprised, actually, at how easy it was to be honest with her. I loved that while we both had stuff to say, both of us were willing to listen. I think the fact that she's going to be far away soon made it easier to ignore the crap drama of the past and look at the current personality.

I feel much better, on one hand, because I was able to just get a lot of stuff off my mind.
I feel sad, on the other hand, because she's gone far away in a week and I likely won't see her for a long time.

This is a dilemma.
But I am so glad we talked.
I am so glad she called.
I am so glad I kept my cell phone.

Monday, December 21, 2009

I Know....

This is the second post today but...

I walked around town today with a friend, and it was good. Sometimes I just need to know there are happy people.

So, to keep myself awake until a friend picks me up for SKATING I will tell you my opinions on the songs that come up on my iTunes shuffle.

"Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite" by the Beatles:
Classic Beatles weirdisms set to mysteriously catchy music. I love how it makes me think of an old-time circus pantomime.

"Destroyer" - Static-X:
I think the opening line of this song was "Take a dump in a steam hammer". I'm giggling like mad, and my sister is giving me looks. HAHA! "GIVE ME DUMMY RUBBER CRAB!!". Enough of that!

"Camisado" by Panic! At the Disco:
Do you think all their songs soung like the same. I like the intro to this one. It's an interesting premise, to be sure.

"Forgiven" by Relient K:
Wow, I haven't heard Relient in so long. This must be their new stuff cuz I don't recall them being this edgy. Interesting rock fusion type stuff. I don't recognize the chord progression either, which is nice.

"Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton:
I don't know why I have this on my list. It's not like I particularly like Eric Clapton. I suppose he's good at the gee-tar, but I don't particularly appreciate his style. Just not my thing.

"Heart of Gold" by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
I love these guys! This song is so deep, and it makes me sad. People can search their whole lives for something and die without finding it. Do they feel sad at the end when they realize that they didn't get it?

"Think for Yourself" by the Beates
SO TRUE!!!! I'm sending this song out to many of my associates as a plea. Think for yourself cuz I won't be there with you. And yay funky guitar!

"Rock Me" by Great White
This is a song that I downloaded and never really got a chance to listen to cuz it got buried with some other stuff I dlded at the same time. Neat little rock tune, but nothing breaking any moulds in words or in music. Pretty tight bass line, actually. Not sure I like the lead's vocal styling. Hm..

"Tulips" by Bloc Party
This is one of the bands that I always skip on shuffle. I just never feel like hearing this type of music. They're good though, in their own way. They do sort of ambient rock. The lead has a super weird voice. If I had been more of a 90's child, I think I would have appreciated it a lot more. I know my oldest brother liked them a lot. Lyrics are pretty solid.

"Stuck in the Middle With You" by Three Dog Night
I LOVE THESE GUYS. SO FRIKKEN GROOVY!! Weird voice from the singer; it's hard to understand him. I lovvveeee the beat thought. "Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right." Just enough patterns to be groovy and just enough ornamentation to be interesting. Very cleverly constructed piece.

"Baby, I'm An Anarchist" by Against Me!
I hate this chord progression. This is not the band's piece de resistance. Kind of like Arcade Fire and Billy Talent had a crappy baby. Ok, nvm, it's growing me. It's alright. Makes me smile a little.

"Up the Bracket" by the Libertines
Ok, I hate that this track starts with some guy yelling really weirdly, because I always skip that.The tune itself is pretty slick. British rock group. I like that the tune is totally outside my predictions. And it has this neat little guitar riff that I like. Stupid opening yell. It ruins the whole thing.

"Haiti" by Arcade Fire
I love this song. It was actually the first of their songs that I ever heard (grade 11 french class WOOOO!). And I love how it flips between english and fran├žais. It's a beautiful melody, and it sets a beautiful mood. All mournful and warm. Haiti's still a mess eh? :(

"My Apologies" by The Hush Sound
Enh. Don't care. It's nice, I guess.

"Run Like Hell" by Pink Floyd
These guys were pure genius in every way. How do they make those noises? I don't know, but I truly enjoy them.The lyrics in the second verse do make me smirk though. Hehe.

Ok need to go bye!

From my bathroom.

Just like those million times in my childhood, I've come here for shelter. The light is bright and the walls are a confusing, comforting shade of cream. I remember when they painted it pink instead and my mother almost killed the interior decorator.

But no one will bother me for a while. The door is locked and everyone is occupied. My older sister is talking to her fiancee online. The younger one (bless her) is making me macaroni for lunch. My mom and dad are engaged in office matters.

I love to just sit in here on the floor. The wireless signal is like super good in here too. Wish I had something softer to sit on though.

It may be that my older sister won't be home next Christmas. That's a relief to me more than anything. She irritates me a lot. No, dear, you are not inherently right just because you are older. I've worked hard to learn what I know, and now that I know it I won't back away.

This weekend:

I've developed some new plans and policies, mostly in regards to evenings which include both friends and alcohol. My angry, angry tummy was involved in the decision making process, as was the lack of money in my bank account. See if you can figure out what I came up with.

Those people who came out to see if they wanted to buy Jemma didn't work out. The lady had given me the impression that she had experience and was looking to get back into it, but she was really a complete beginner, so there was no way she would have worked out with that crazy horse.

That being said, I need to go to TSC and buy a broom for Lynn and Doug for Christmas. They are so awesome.

Monday, December 14, 2009

I'm selling Jemma

Or trying to, anyway.

I'm freaking out about it very much.

In the end, it's not the financial pressure that's made my mind up. I know I would be able to pay for school and Jemma somehow, and I would have figured out ways to see her from time to time, because she's very important to me.

Basically I decided that I have no right to be spending that much money on myself. There are people in the world in desperate situations, and the best thing I can spend my money on is an animal that I get to hug occasionally?

All things considered, I know this is a good thing to do and I'm 100% certain that I'm making the right decision. But I will miss going out to the barn and hanging out with Doug and Lynn and giving Jemma carrots and hugs and kisses and riding in the pinery and having an excuse to escape from any social situation that I don't want to be in and... Jem in general.

So wish me luck. I have a potential buyer coming out on Sunday, and I have to break this news to Lynn and Doug and Emily and my family.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

I had a dream last night. It was long and trippy, but I won't bother you with details.
But I had Peter Fahey's baby.
I thought you should know.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I didn't like work tonight. I wanted to think, but I couldn't get anything in my mind moving until about 2am. It was very frustrating to feel the factory walls around my mind.

I am reading Blue Like Jazz again, and I know I've oozed about this books before, but allow me to ooze again. It's just very comforting right now. Miller's writing style is familiar and engaging; it makes a person feel at home. He makes a comment about how he would prefer not to be some days. Not that he's suicidal, but it's just too much bother. How did he get inside my brain?

Here's something he quoted from C.S. Lewis:
All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals that I seek'
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Hm Hm Hm.

I'm sorry if that was less than illuminating. It's not the best poetry I've read. I assume my dear Mr.Lewis scribbled it off in a few minutes. It's sincere though, and I believe that's what counts.

Here's another bit from the book that some of you might relate to a little more:
"The older you get, the more you understand there is no Wizard of Oz, just a shmuck behind a curtain."
Two things: I love the word shmuck!
And notice how he says 'understand'? He's not trying to say that there is magic and we have to believe like when we were kids. He's saying there's no magic when we're kids either, and it's important to know that.

I'll try to keep from quoting it to you too much, although it's so calming to read.

I'm eating a bowl of rice and it's got pieces of that black wild rice in it and one of them looks like MEALWORM and it's near my PILLOW AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Why did my worst nightmare come true today??

Also at work the Weird Army Guy came in early so he talked to me, which I resent. WAG is a Yankee. He was in the army and got shot in the head and has grenade shrapnel in his ribs. I might be a nasty person for saying this but - if I were on the other side, I woulda shot him too. Soooo weird. He's not the funny type of crazy that writes webcomics or raises hamsters. He's the type of crazy that would get mad at someone for sneezing and knife them. So I nod and smile at whatever he says.

I got to work with my old partner tonight too, which would have been nice if the machine had felt like running.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Quick notes

I read today on the BBC that Uganda's president flew from London, UK, to Entebbe in economy class. The article was about how a whole bunch of people were criticizing him for it.

Why on earth would you criticize a man who is trying to set a good example for government officials and civil servants in his own country? He wants to show that it's a viable option, and that there's no need for government employees to spend ridiculous amounts of money on necessary trips. I support his action very much. It's wonderful to see that a leader is willing to make the sacrifices that he expects from others. I applaud him, and I'm disgusted with those who view his actions as 'controversial'. There's nothing controversial about a leader willing to live by the standards he sets for other; it is always a good thing. I hope that other world leaders can take notice of this, and that Ugandans will value what their leader is trying to do.


MLIA. It should stand for My Life Is Awesome. Because if all those stories are indicating the average, my life is pretty sub-standard. I used to really enjoy the site, but it's starting to get old. It makes me sad because no matter what rut societies get into, they're still ruts. This one was really fun for a while, but now it's starting to rub me the wrong way. Either bring the stories back to average, or change the A to Awesome.
Furthermore, all these stories about kids' parents or teachers prove something that I've suspected for a while. When you're a kid, it's not that your parents aren't cool; you haven't caught up to them yet. I think that all older people are funny and awesome in their way, but act "grown up" either because they're dead tired from working or because they need to have some sort of authority.
Except my mother, but that's a different issue altogether.
So an older person with a funny sense of humour and an arsenal of witty, edgy comments is truly average.

That is all.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

I may be a horrible person...

I was doing some research on mood/mental disorders this morning, and caught myself diagnosing everyone in my acquaintance.

I am sorry. I'm sure you all are normal, stable, and healthy.

But if the shoe fits... throw it at the person who handed it to you.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

So last night I think I went a littttle bit um.... crazy.

I'm almost back to normal though.

It's just that I got too much happiness from the movie Pirate Radio (aka The Boat That Rocked) and had somewhat of an episode. There were some injuries, but I think they will heal.

Over the course of a lot of thought, it dawned on me that I might actually have something of a mood/mental disorder. Right now I'm still so high on happy that I'm not too concerned about the implications of this.

On the upside, my brother has his baby back. Wooo

Friday, December 4, 2009

Crack Cookies

They were these awesome chocolate/coffee cookies that were MAD DELICIOUS and awesome for attacks of the munchies at 3am in Elmira on a weekend.

I am so sad.

But work was not a bad time. Our foreperson didn't show up, so the poor guy who supervises afternoon shift had to stay till 6am (he starts at 3pm and is back in later today). Anyway, I was on the same line as The Annoying Guy Who Talks A Lot and Smiley Guy. Basically my 2 un-faves. The AGWhoTAL and I started out just us, and he told me he requested that I was put on the line with him cuz I know what I'm doing more than anyone. I was very happy to hear that, and he went up a few points in my estimation :). So we worked through the first order super fast, and then when we switched to the second order we got SG over and he started right in on being obnoxious. Oh well. We made him seal bags for a while, but then we traded him for a different guy after break. Since I was now sealing bags, I jacked up the line speed and we ran like magical bunnies on meth until the sealer broke and we had to wait for Old Man Maintenance to fix it. Everyone on our shift calls him SuperDave, which I think is cute. Anyway, then we ran like more magical bunnies on speed until we had to switch to a different product. We got SG back then and kept running at high speed and made him pack the skids until he started whining about how it was "too fast". The AGWhoTAL and I made fun of him, and went faster. Then the owner of the factory came in and gave us our Christmas bonus checks.

All in all a nice night.

I came home this morning and my mother started pestering me and I relapsed into book angst so now I feel kinda like a magical meth bunny quitting cold turkey. Where is my happy fix? Boing!

So now that I've thoroughly weirded away anyone normal...

I will "play my piano and sing my little song".

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Ok, so I have this horse.
And I have no money. Or rather, next year when I'm living on my own and trying to pay for school and stuff I will have no money. She's getting to be high maintenance and I don't think I could really sell her.

What do I do? I love her to death, and I don't want to put her in a situation where she's not well cared for. But I can't exactly sacrifice my future for her, you know?

Nothing averts an identity crisis like hugging a fuzzy warm animal.

Ahhhhh.... maybe I'll have to cut back on my spending. No more Bluenotes, phone, or Orange Julius.