Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What I don't understand is...

(This is not an exhaustive list, of course.)

1: How the Beatles wrote so much awesome music that I love.
2: How people can actually believe what PETA advocates. I'm all for animal welfare, but these people are sacrificing human welfare to save cows from being eaten. Cows are dumb and yummy. Clearly made to be eaten. Someone else's blog on this topic
3: Why the weather can make people happy or sad. We really should be past that as a species by now....
4: Why people are willing to "settle". Theoretically we should be constantly striving towards a state of ecstasy or something. I suppose that's where drugs come in. It's hard to accomplish anything when you're ecstatic.
5: Why people get flustered when they get presents but can't give one back. Settle down. If I were expecting something back I would call it a loan or a trade or a sale, not a gift. So shush and take it. :P
6: How trees make me so frekken happy. Or puddles. They're just so inherently beautiful and soothing and so forth.
7: One-down-manship. Like you got your wisdom teeth pulled? Two? Oh, well I got FOUR pulled and it HURT more and I'm so much cooler. A comedian's take on this.
8: "Lucky" or "special" numbers like 7 or 3 or 12 or even 13.

Eight is a good list. Enjoy.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Some days I actually believe there is more of the good kind of crazy in the world

Sunday, March 29, 2009


I'm just not a fan of how today turned out. I went to KW to volunteer with the people I'm going to Rwanda with.
On one hand, I met a super cool guy there and we worked in the sound booth together.
On the other hand I'm likely not gonna see him again.

On one hand I did something nice for people, which makes me happy.
On the other hand it was horrible social awkwardness cuz we were just supposed to go talk to people and I just can't do that.

On one hand my older brother was baptised today.
On the other hand I didn't get to hang out for the after-party.

On one hand it was good to hang out with the people I'm supposed to travel 3/4 of the way around the world with.
On the other hand the super cool one isn't actually coming along anymore, and the rest of them think I'm dumb and weird.

I actually just feel like sitting down and crying for like the next 4 hours. Why do I have no frekken social skills? Honestly. I could do with being a lot less smart or something and then actually be able to talk to people or do something other than just sit and be awkward.

It's really just starting conversations. I need frekken lessons or something.

I think I might go for a walk tonight just to regain my mental centre of gravity.


Saturday, March 28, 2009

I got my old job at the pet food plant back for the summer. It looks like starting June 14, I'll be working full time nights, which is pretty awesome, cuz then I can go to the barn in the afternoon and see people in the evening and party on the weekend!!!!! I need to ask them if they can hire me for the year following, cuz then I won't be job hunting in september.

I've been pathetic as far as stamina these past few days. I'm just thoroughly exhausted. I keep driving from Guelph to Elmira to KW, and I just want someone to pick a town for me and just STICK WITH IT! ERGH!!!!

I went and was social this evening, but I can hardly say it was all that fun. Watched the first Narnia movie with a bunch of people I don't really know in Guelph. They were gonna watch the Prince Caspian movie, but I called it a night cuz I'm sleepy, I had to drive back to elmira, and I hate that movie. I can tell I'm tried cuz I started giggling when Edmond was about to die in the movie....

Soooooo sleepy. Gonna get cleaned up and then go to beddy-bye land!
*bloop* COINZ YAAA!!!!

Srsly, i may need a boyfriend to keep me from doing this to myself.
Does this count as reading?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I found a cool new webcomic today called Questionable Content. It's pretty awesome.
I also found one of the best paragraphs I've ever heard in my life. Here it is for you.
"While riding my bike on a trail today, my front tire caught in an unexpected ditch and sent me flying over the handlebars. As I lay there, battered, bruised, and beset by opportunistic mosquitoes, I could not stop laughing. This is what it is to be alive."

And the weather today is gray and windy and drizzly. Just my kind of happy :D

*Edited to add*
I have another blog to reeeead!!! Ahahahah!!!! *Does happy dance!*

and i read those webcomics for 8 hours today. you have no idea what kind of acrobatics my subconcious is doing now to get back at me for ignoring it all day. lol.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Ok, so for starters, I know I'm generally a ring leader when it comes to smashing people. But I'm really beginning to feel horrible about it.
I just really don't like being mean. Lately there's been a lot of trouble with certain friends not liking certain other friends, and it is really frustrating to hear them insulted the moment their back is turned. I'm not denying I've had part in it, but I feel so horribly about it. Why don't I have something at least resembling a spine and say "Hey, stop it, I like that person"? It feels like I'm in ome stupid reality TV series where we're all so bored we result to just playing stupid mind games for entertainment. I hate it, hate it, I hate it!

I just want it to be socially acceptable for me to like these people and not have to pretend that I don't. So what if someone is a little obnoxious, or they don't have great people skills, or are a little overweight, or whine too much? Underneath it all they're still a pretty frekken cool person and I wold appreciate it if we (i'm clearly included) started to treat them that way. We are NOT better than they are! There are no "better" or "worse" people. Frek. This is whats frekken wrong with the world. None of us are better. We all need to just admit that everyone has as much right to happiness and well-being as we do, and then it will all even out. Why are people just so frekken selfish? Why can't I fix this in myself? I hate that I love having my horse more than I love other people. As in, I can't convince myself to sell her and send that money to people who need it to live. Is that disgusting? People will say that I don't owe that, but I really do. They have as much right to food as I do, and I'm denying that to them so that I can ride my horse on alternate weekends. How frekken sick and twisted is that.

We're all just so petty. Like a bunch of kids in preschool yelling "NO! MINE!" about some stupid blocks.

I apologise (and that IS the right spelling) for venting, but it had to be done somewhere.
I've mentioned Rudyard Kipling before, I know, and his talent for sad stories.
I shouldn't say sad so much as real life stories.
I re-read part of one today. It's called "The Light that Failed".
It's a sort of love story. I can't say anything right about it. Most romance novels are directed at girls, and they are supposed to fall in love with the lead male and superimpose their own personality over the blandness of the lead female (thus the rampant popularity of Twilight). This is a different method entirely. The characterization is so delicate, but so real. It could actually have happened. It made me cry, to say the least. The characters pass their lives in the quiet way that most of us do. It starts out in red and gold and fades to the most somber gray. Like most lives do.

I can barely recommend it, it's so good. Anyway.

I have little else to say. I've been wasting my life between facebook and class. Oh, and I'm pretty certain I'm morbidly obese. I blame res life. This summer I will have to take up running or something similar before I can go out in public again. Ugh.

*Edited to add*
I made a frikken FRIEND today! AHAHAHAH!!!! look who's antisocial NOW, suckas!!!!!
I really am that excited....

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I were thinking

I know, always a risky pass time, but there it is.

In church this morning, actually. I was thinking about how I think about God in a way that no one else seems to think about him. And I were listening to the guy talk about the stuff, and just certain things he said I thought for minute we might be talking about the same God, but mostly I seemed to be out on a limb by myself.

Excuse my sketchy grammar.

Anyhow, there must be some sort of method of know whether I'm right. Either I'm the only person in my contact who actually is talking to God, or I'm completely out to lunch with this whole thing. I think I would have gotten a hint or two from God if I were this much wrong. Maybe communication is the problem. As in, they mean to say how I think, but their religious blather gets in the way.

Anywhay. Just a thought. Also, I really do want to write a book. I have just too many ideas to get into one. Maybe it will be more a series of vaguely connected essays.

Au revoir.

I'm reading The Hunchback of Notre-Dame in french, which is slow and tiring, but healthy. Woot!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Banana Bread

That's right! BOOYAH!!
This is actually a bigger accomplishment than the Rubick's cube! I've failed more times at baking than at the cube. So take THAT!!
The towel I set on fire was a minor setback. A small price to pay.

I could take over the world now.

Monday, March 16, 2009


Suuper cool city.
I had a lot of fun. Discovered that my stomach doesn't particularly agree with straight up vodka or whiskey. I didn't throw up or anything, it just hurt. Still does. But here is my analysis of the situation...
Vodka: Tastes like nail polish remover. Effectively turned specific people into blithering idiots.
Whiskey: Tastes like furniture polish. But I would drink it again
Rum: I think I could get used to it, actually
Mango flavoured Malibu: Tasted like that red dimetapp cough syrup with a bit of a buckley's aftertaste. Worked well with orange juice though
Bacardi Breezers (Strawberry): tasted like strawberry-lime jones!!! yumm!!! but made me feel sick-ish.
Pina Colada: <3!!! Ahaha!

So that's that.

I was thinking this morning as I walked home from bio. And basically I concluded I have no right to be in a science program. Deep deep down, I don't give a crap about biology or biodiversity or chemical bonding or electrical potentials. In any way. I don't even much care for research or veterinary work. I care about thoughts and life and people and nature in the sense that they are the best form of art.

But what's gonna make me money in the end? %^$$%#'n money! ARG I HATE IT!!!
If anyone is gonna start a farm or a coffee shop, I will work happily for 10$/hour and the option to take a lot of time off to travel.....

I think too I'm very apathetic about my education right now because I'm very tired of the courses I'm in. My elective (Musicianship) sucks also. At least I'm getting sweet mark....

I hope to just enjoy the beautiful weather today. It's lovely out.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Rainy Windy Weather

Anyone who has read this blog for more than like a week knows how much I love this.

Yesterday was like that. Just above freezing. Most smells were still frozen into the ground. The good ones anyway. The breezes on campus just smelled like cities and buildings and car exhaust. It was all very upsetting as I dragged myself from class to res to class, etc. But then I turned my head a certain way and caught the lightest smell of green.

I mean the green of dripping forests and the earliest spring flowers pushing up out of the damp earth and the grass poking through the dead leaves from last fall and all being very green. It made me so happy I could hardly stop from skipping back to res.

Today was colder and VERY windy. It sounded like the ocean was just above the trees, swooshing them around. I was reading by my window and the light was flickering in and out in the most interesting patterns and degrees. The clouds were tearing across the sky. It was terrific.

I really don't have much to tell at this point. Montreal on friday!!!!!
Res is miserable. My marks are plummeting.
I miss Jemma and life in Elmira.

But it's been beautiful rainy windy weather!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

I've been listening to too much music lately.
I can tell because I don't have any of my own thoughts in my head. It's all snippets of songs and video shots. Psychedelic but annoying.

I want to think about something. About space or life or relationships or truth. "Yankee Bayonet", although it's good, is in my way right now. And Ed Byrne is there too.

I'm very much looking forward to the road trip to Montreal this coming weekend. I haven't the money for it, but it's gonna be amazing!!!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

All My Loving

By Lennon and McCartney

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,

Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

I'll pretend That I'm kissing
the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving, darling I'll be true.

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.

All my loving I will send to you.
All my loving, darling I'll be true.
All my loving, all my loving,
All my loving I will send to you.

I love this song like mad.
Sooooo good.
How did these guys write so much amazing music? Frik.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


By John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

It's a beautiful song, both because of its musicality and the thought.
But I disagree.
Not with the ultimate goal, of course. Just with how Mr. Lennon thinks humanity can get there.

Ok so let's look at the goal. "A brotherhood of man", "the world will live as one", "no need for greed or hunger". I love this. I think that's probably the best we can ask for.
And Lennon believes we can get thereby discarding social institutions like government, religion, and possessions.
In a way this is true. Social institutions are not ideal. It would be nice if they were disposable. In reality, however, social institutions indicate that our world is messed up. Explanation: Government. Some people think that we need to get rid of government to have peace. This isn't true. A healthy government benefits a lot of people because it keeps those who are greedy and evil from taking over. Just throwing out government doesn't help anyone except the corrupt. Examples: Somalia and Lord of the Flies.
So social institutions are basically the strings holding the world together, preventing it from going to crap. In what scenario would it be safe to discard of these?
Scenario: Buddy is starving to death. His neighbour isn't, but is pretty darn close. The neighbour splits what he has completely evenly between himself and his starving neighbour, or even gives all he has to the neighbour.
See how that works. That's just people loving each other as much as they love themselves. It's surreal though. I don't know people who can love like that. I hope they exist, because that's our hope for a world of peace.
Love. As per usual.
Love enough throughout humanity to share equally everything we have without envy or competition or greed.
Love enough to sacrifice one's own happiness so that someone else will be happy.
Love enough in every person for every other person that insults won't happen or matter.
That's the theory then.

So how do we get there? Like it's more or less impossible to convince someone (they all know it but no one believes it) that everyone else's life is just as important as their own.
I personally think that if people knew God, they we would stop all this fighting amongst ourselves. Because He's scary kind of, in the way a parent with mad superpowers would be. You know He's not going to hurt you, but he very bery much could. And I think people would behave if people understood God in any way. Secondarily, people need something to be passionate about. It's the truth. Some people choose pretty grand stuff, like their country or a humanitarian cause and some people choose Nintendo or killing people. But people need to care about something. Right now everyone is just passionate about random stuff. Sometimes that stuff is conflicting with another person's passion. Example: Hitler was passionate about killing Jews, and the Jews turned out to be passionate about wanting to live. However, I really believe that if anyone could actually get to know God, they would be just passionately in love with Him. And that's where their passion would go. Nothing else would be of much use or value compared to knowing what God's up to. So if everyone had that, we wouldn't fight or anything. We wouldn't need government or religion or wars. We wouldn't care if someone took our stuff, because they have as much right to it as we do on a big enough scale.

Ok so I'm running out of sense. Maybe my point got across and maybe it didn't. Either way, I hardly know where it's possible to start to live life like that.
At this time I hardly have the energy.

Closing notes:
Vanessa wanted to be mentioned. We actualy had a really fun talk (in place of homework) at the library this eve. How come whenever I enjoy time, it ends up being unproductive time?

Aaaaand.... I'm sleepy. Going to bed. Nightey-night!

Monday, March 2, 2009


I've seen 2 in the past 3 days (and countless episodes of That 70s Show).
Coraline and
Little Miss Sunshine

Let's compare

Very good. It was interesting artistically and the soundtrack was amazing. However, it was more of art and less like a story.

Little Miss Sunshine:
Right weird. People carting their dead grandfather all over the country and a kid who won't talk and a suicidal uncle. I cried though, which means the characters were very good. I have a headache from that though.

I don't know which I prefer between the two types of movies: the one that make me cry or the ones that are just nice to look at. Any movie that causes emotions makes me cry, as pretty much everyone knows. But they each have their pros and cons. The artistic ones feel unsatisfying, but at least it's not embarassing to watch them with people.

Anywho. I ate beefaroni cold out of a can for supper. Our microwave is too dirty. *sigh*

Edited to add:

I feel like crap. I apologize for my lack of polish. Someone shoot me.