Thursday, May 29, 2008

Let's skip on down to point #4...

Life is oddly cyclic.
Remember that one?
(My hosue is making scary noises! I think someone is trying to saw his way out of my plumbing system!)
Ok, back to the point. Everyones knows that everything in life is a "stage". That we move in and out of different phases of life which are normal and expected and quite nice actually. But more and more I realize that we're running in spirals. Not circles, mind you. Circles are perfect and go on forever nice and constant. Spirals are much more realistic. They start off so exapansive and empty. Then by the time it passes the starting point again, it's grown a little smaller so the original can accomodate it.
Our minds are like that. As we grow older we pass the same phases over and over. Not phases like marraige and birth and stuff. I mean stuff like love and sadness and lonliness and peace. And every time we pass them, they seem a little different, worse, bigger, better. But that's only becasue we've become smaller to accomodate. Our minds hafta shrink down so we can fit inside the boundaries of our experience.
Think about how you would act and feel if someone took away your emotional memory. All your facts remained, but any time you felt something, the emotion left no imprint. It's scary and exciting to think about how we would relate. We could essentially love like we'd never been hurt, cry like we'd never been loved, and sit at peace without fear of lonliness.
But the spiral must pull us in. The question is: is it bad?
Of course we are constricted by our past experiences, but who wants to be hurt twice?
And just because we are pulled to the ultimate center, when we will be stuck with no more room to constrict, doesnt mean that we should hate the pattern
It's a necessary pattern. And a natural pattern. And an inevitable pattern.
Summary: We all go through the same phases over and over, but they change every time becasue our experiences constrict us. And once we are constriced to a certain point, we bore six feet below the living dimension.
But does our spiral stop then? Or just become a circle that has filled itself in? Hmm, late night.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Conventions are not Rules

I've done my best over the past few days to adhere to rules. Not in the sense that I'm a perfect person that always does what I'm told, but trying to differentiate between what the rule actually is, and what is the cultural boundary that stupid people felt like putting there.
I got this idea, as stated before, from G.K. Chesterton. "Manalive" is one of the most inspiring novels I have ever read. And it's not even a self-help book. I want to learn to see the beauty in living. In the fact that I, Becca, can still breathe and hear and think and see and experience and feel and hurt and laugh until I pee. And I want to be different from the other people. I have such a controlling desire not to conform; to distance myself from any label that a person wants to stick on me. I will not be a prep, I will not be a nerd, I will not be an emo, I will not be a church kid, I will not be an atheist, I will not be a good person, I will not be a bad person, I will not be a label.
So why can't I be a Christian and a socialist/communist? Barring the political extremist's views on religion, the groups are compatible. They want equality, sharing, support, love. The conventions say that to be Christian you must be a Tory or, if you're a rebel, a Liberal. Screw that.
Why can't I be a well-behaved, smart kid and dress like a slob and do no homework? Why can't I hang around with mostly guys and not be lesbian or skanky? Why can't I run around like a retard at all hours of the night doing crazy stuff without being a hoodlum or drunk?
People's perceptions about stereotypes make them stick labels on you becasue of your behavious. They create barriers and opposties where there is really harmony and correlations.
Therefore, I defy conventions. Thanks, Chesterton.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Back to the Template

So I originally wanted to make this about my theories on life. And then all of a sudden it started digressing into personal crap that is... well, useless to most of the world. I will introduce a few thoughts, and then elaborate on them in the next little while. Most of the brainpower is copyright of G.K. Chesterton.
1: Conventions and rules are not the same
2: Pessimism is for dead people
3: Life is oddly cyclic
4: Is religion out of date or beyond date?

That's all I have to say for jsut now, but soon I want to discuss each of those things. becaus I haven't formed complete theories on them yet. Toodles

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Work Rant #1!

For the first time since starting my new job, I must whine about it.
I discovered tonight a number of things through my Quality Assurance training.
1:The foreman favours girls because his a lonely middle-aged bachelor
2:Because of said favouritism there are certain things he won't let me do
3:The people training me don't know what they're doing
4:I don't know what I'm doing
5:People never grow up.

So for a bit of discussion on these points.
I'm very upset about this reverse-sexism stuff. I want to be the best worker in the plant. Period. It's just a little goal I set for myself. How am I supposed to do that if I'm gettting babied by the foreman and not allowed to do certain jobs just becasue I'm a girl. The only way I'll ever learn them is if I do them. So take that stupid foreman.
Also, if I want to be the best worker, I hafta know what the heck I'm doing. Or supposed to be doing. Arg. I want to ask the foreman to pair me up with the best worker available so I can just copy them.
And no, people don't mature. I thought that Tim Hortons would be the worst place on earth for workplace drama, because all the silly children that work there. But in a setting where the average age is about 30, the drama is worse. Firstly because they're all sleeping with each other. *Shiver*. And second because they're all alcoholics. And lastly because they're so bored with their jobs that they talk abd maje stuff up and spread stuff around about other workers. It's seriously so juvenille. I don't much talk to anyone, because I don't want to be part of all this drama. The QA guy who trained me tonight hates everyone. Seriously. He needs more hugs....
But what is it that makes people so petty about life. There's honestly mroe to it than packing dog food, getting drunk, and spreading rumours. I'm glad I'm not a lifer at this place. It seems like such an unfulfilling existence. Not only the job, but the lifestyle. Well, I shouldn't write them all off because there are a few people who are nice and have lives and families and such outside of the job. But for those who work, drink, and hang out with other factory people, I say this: look for a broader scale of life. There's so much out there to experience and feel and know and see.
How can someone be content in their little scoop of existence such as that. If someone hands you an entire box of ice cream do you only take a spoonful? No.
Or at least half.
Or a quarter.
But seriously people, have some ambition and so forth.
It will cut down the alcohol bills....

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Tonight I need you, but you aren't here.
We all need somebody to lean on

Bah, just kidding. I don't actually have feelings. No, really, it's cool. Nothing's wrong man. You going to prom? I'm not. Have no dress money. You're going with HER? Oh, yah, it's cool, just never woulda thought...what? No, no one asked me. As if, you twerp. No thanks, I am secure in my singleness. Hmm? Oh yah, we took a note on operons on Friday. I can give it to you on monday. Ok, cool. Byers.

"Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, telling me jsut what a fool I've been."
"A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now"
"Rain, rain, go away, come again another day"
"Here comes the sun little darling, here comes the sun and I say 'It's all right'."