Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Day is done, gone the sun

Do you know that song? isn't it called "taps" or something? I'm going to look up all the words, cuz I think I only know a bit of them.


Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky;
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.

That's the first verse. And that's how I'm chilling right now. Today is finished. No more errands to run for my mother, no more places to drive my little sister, no more discussions to have with my father; the last skid is packed and the floor is clean. I had a nice conversation at timmy's with my chocolate milk and tea biscuit. The car is parked, the lights are off, the door is locked, the kitchen is clean. The last contact on my MSN list has signed off. All my emails and fb messages are replied to and the blogs I follow are read and commented on.

And yet something hangs with me; I want to accomplish something with my day. I want to have something to say to make this day matter. A day shouldn't be a list of things to do. My mom always says to not fight with her, she's just trying to survive. I survived today, and I didn't much enjoy it. If the point of every day is to survive; if the point is to accomplish a certain set of activities so that one can have money to eat and replicate; then I say screw it.

If all life is just survival, then I have no will to live. I was outdoors today for a very short amount of time, but I feel like nature tells me that it's not just survival. Nature is extravagant. It didn't need to be beautiful to survive. So I know there is more than survival; there is life. And that is what I want. Life. Experiences that expand my mind.

If Darwin was right, I'm not going to work tomorrow.

*deep breath, regain complacency*

In my attempt to live, I will now go lie on my lawn in the rain and dark. Day is done, and gone the sun, but I still want to live today.

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