Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I'm tired.
Don't want to do this anymore.
This = waking up early, working late, walking to classes that don't mean anything, listening to people chatter about nothing, living too far away from my horse, being stuck in the city, building my schedule around assignments...

I found something new I love about university. Our res building is really funny shaped. So when the wind blows all the leaves get swooshed up into funny air currents and make those awesome whirlwinds. I like walking and looking at them. And I like the feeling of being caught in one, with all the leaves hissing and rattling like skeleton snakes on the pavement. I love wind. I love facing it and feeling it wrap around my face and neck every way it can, trying to find a way in, to my brain, where it can carry away all the dust that's built up there from so long living in this building. I know I've only been living here for 2 months, but every day feels like a week and every month seems like 10 years, so I'm old now. Very old. But where my mind has wasted away into wrinkles and sags, the wind blows in and fills it back out, and I feel young again. Young enough not to care for all this bosh about education and society and success. Young enough to set out on adventures and treasure hunts. Young enough to spend a whole day playing outdoors with only a stick and a puddle and my own fantastic worlds to occupy me.

Living with people has made me more weird than when I lived on my own.

And a normal person is coming to visit me tomorrow! Yay for human contact! Because I'm pretty sure the people in res aren't human.

1 comment:

  1. i was thinking about the other day how shallowe i've become from living in res. sleep class gossip party eat.
    im about to go rant about this in that other blog i have.

    but as for you, to say to hang on it gets better is a lie. it doesnt.
    the real challenge of university isn't finding yourself or creating yourself because who you are becomes influenced by everything around you. which is why you see a lot of people lose their virginity, they drink because everyone else does.. maybe because they still didnt have an identity before they came here. so they adapt.
    but some people, like you and me, have an identity. we have beliefs, thoughts, standards and personal views because we've indidividals.
    so the challenge for us isnt finding ourself here, its keeping who we are going strong so we dont get sucked into the whirlwind of everything else.
    keep fighting for yourself.