Monday, March 31, 2008

Late at Night

Well, relatively. Not too late. Only like 1130. But it feels later. I should be studying for French, but really, who wants to that? Today Skinny and I had like an entire conversation in french. We were very proud of ourselves.
So today at work, there was an incident of much...interest. Kara was at the window to take a guys $, and happened to notice that his pants were not done up and that in fact he was quite pronouncedly hanging out of them. Nope, no boxer, no nothing. Anyway, it caused a pleasant ruckus from the drab evening, hehe. And it's my favourite Timmy's story from now on.
Today when I got home from school I was really tired, so I went into my room and had a music nap. A music nap is when you turn off your lights and curl up in bed with your iPod on shuffle and juss relax and listen to whatever plays. It is completely mind numbing and relaxing. It did me a lot of good. The first song that came on was "Yesterday" by the Beatles. It made me feel sad.
All my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday..."
That's kinda how I've been feeling lately. Life goes in cycles of up and down, and I'm coming out of an up, and I really am not in the mood for a down. Maybe I am bipolar, hehe.
Anyway, I said before how I've been thinking a lot about religion lately. And it's something I've worked so hard to recreate for myself. My parents have always been religious, and I've always gone to church, but being anti-stereotypical, and in general looking for individuality, I have always been against my parents' religion. Religion always was frustrating for me because of the hypocrisy, and the rules, and the way it made people into conversion fanatics. So for that last few years, I have been disowning religion
But the problem with this whole thing is that I still believe in God. Because of personal experience, I can't help it. It's the same God that my parents believe in and base their religion on, but to me he's entirely different. It's hard to explain, but by ditching church, I feel like I found God, and my approximate purpose in life. In church, everything was always aout emotion, about how you feel, and about having that "God moment" and a whole bunch of...wishy wash sappy stuff.
And my mind went "ick" to that. I'm not an overly emotional person, so as soon as everyone went into their waves of religious emotion, I always just... disconnected. I was never of the same train of people. For me, knowledge and factual understanding about God and the theory and technical stuff had to come first. And even still, I feel more as if I have a mind than a soul, if that makes any sense.
Anyhow, in the long run, I've come to always say I love God, but I don't like religion. Religion is rules, and rules can be broken and wrong and people can screw you over with them. But God is love, and they say that love is the strongest thing ever. And that real love (not true, real) can't be wrong, and will always be kind, faithful, truthful, and ready to forgive and forget. So yah. There is my anti-religious rant. But I will probably write an amendment to it soon, becasue I still don't have all the dit and pieces of my theorem worked out and in place yet.
And in closing:
"Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right"

1 comment:

  1. music naps are my favorite. i also love waking up like, 20minutes earlier than i need to get up, and just laying there with headphones in and listening :)