Monday, February 14, 2011

I did not feel myself thirsty, but, when I had discovered this oasis, I found I had to drink and drink and drink to wash the sticky film from my mouth.

End thought.

I went to a Bible study this evening for 'young adults' (aka those between high school and marriage) which I had been both anticipating and dreading all week. It was actually fun, which I didn't expect at all. I had some nice chats with guys about Starcraft and FPS games and so on. I feel like my endeavour to befriend nerds has really begun to benefit me. Many of the people there were UofW nerd types, which was perfect for me. A few people more awkward than me, a few people less. Good things. I was able to observe and analyze instead of fighting nausea and paranoia the whole time. Got some good, helpful info on certain specimens.

Maybe if I can get through that I can also get through that stupid anxiety group thing, although it makes me want to stab my eyes out. The only differences between the two settings are that the anxiety group is a lot more like alcoholics anonymous and I have a few acquaintances at the study one and I know all the answers and I am not required to share personal information and I can be the nutty pun girl... yep. Puns galore.

I have my invert morphology and evolution midterm tomorrow and I don't feel prepared at all, although I've done a good four hours of preparation today, besides going to class and labs. There's tomorrow yet, but I feel like there is no way I can succeed. School is sadface. So is my tumbly.

Things that are happyface right now:
- Hanging out with little sister
- Getting the electric guitar stringed up tomorrow
- Staying up late for the first time in a long time
- C. S. Lewis
- Having a vehicle

I had a cup of coffee, being such a wise being, around 9pm. I don't even know if it's worth going to bed at this point, since I need to be up at around 515am to drive to Guelph and shower and then go to school at 725.

Otherwise, I wanted to mention the words of a friend who recently watched American History X for the first time a little while ago. The film has suddenly become one of my all-time favourites for its beautiful truth. Furthermore, Edward Norton gives one of the best performances known to film. Friend said that "Edward Norton is an exceptionally beautiful man, in a mystical way that goes beyond his freakishly perfect pecs." I agree with this very much. The main attraction of the character for me is not the looks part, although he is mad sexy. He has this reality, intensity, and charisma about him that I find completely irresistible.

I find that I am attracted most to qualities which I don't posses: charisma, confidence, passion, direction. Subconsciously, I believe that if a person seems like they know who and what they are, then I assume they know what's going on in this crazy universe and I want to know, so I latch onto them. This dependence, once again, is troublesome to me.

I tend to take on the shape, opinions, and styles of people I like. I am just a wind, carrying scents of all the original things which I come across. I wish very much to be a tree or some such solid entity.

Pardon the metaphors. I am full of coffee and invertebrates and my dear Mr. Lewis.
Sorry I talk about myself so much here. It's the only subject on which I have some authority.

In closing: Valentine's day is useless. I don't resent it, or feel sad that I'm single, but I don't see much point in it all, really. May those who enjoy it truly enjoy it.

And that is all.

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