I've lost my home.
And I mean that in a very literal sense.
I'm at my parents' house this weekend. They'e already moved my little sister into my old room. All my stuff that I couldn't bring is in boxes and bags all packed up. They haven't fed the chameleon. I don't live here anymore.
And at school, I don't have my own space where I can completely relax and not feel anyone breathing down my neck. Always polite and always chill and tidy. I'm a one dimensional good kid and my soul is one inch thick. I don't fit in well there.
It's like I'm taking a vacation from a really crappy summer camp at an equally crappy bed and breakfast.
I'm just freaking out because of the change I suppose. I did enjoy hanging out with my siblings. But I must say my expectations on the food end of things have been severely let down.
Maybe I should have gone out tonight to combat the angst. Not that anyone invited me out, but I could have found something.
Bah, it's only friday night.... saturday morning. "The sun'll come out tomorrow"... actually I really liked the weather today. Drizzly off and on but mostly just a strong breeze and clouds. A fresh winds that fills your lungs unexpectedly and pushes up your eyelids and makes you feel like you're out on a boat at sea, about to face a massive storm that might jeopardize your life. But the wind pushing into your lungs gives you energy almost like it does to the sail and you want to yell "LET'S DO THIS!!" to whoever and whatever is around. Love that.
change is inevitable but i feel that fate, or whatever it is, won't let it happen until you're ready for it.
ReplyDeletewhether you feel ready for it or not doesn't matter, but things happen cause they have to.