All it is

So, you're feeling old today
You're ancient now, you say
Oh oh, well, 25 is not exactly dying age

Still, you'd like to be alone
To spend your time at home
Catching up on all those things
You've missed since you've been gone

Well, we all know where this leads
A day turns into three
Soon we haven't seen you around
For weeks and weeks on end

So, you're feeling slow today
Like nothing that you say
Comes out right
'Cause you've been saying things
You don't mean all day long

Still, you'd like to be alone
To spend your time at home
The steel wares and the bears will keep you company
When you are gone
And this is all, and this is all it is
And this is all, and this is all it is

-Kathryn Calder

"And it rips my life away but it's a great escape."
"Godspeed Mother Nature. Never really wanted to say goodbye."
"Sweet confusion will be my only child."
"Cold lines connect my hot eyes to my jawline."
"Smiles awake you when you rise."
"In peace I will lie down and sleep,"

Being angry makes me less sad.

Getting money makes me less angry.

In these ways it is good I worked last night. Apparently I get better tips when I'm sassy. I think I will use this information to my advantage.

It's my last shift at Tim Hoes tonight. I am relieved, but resenting the 9 hours I must spend in that place and the fact that a good friend will be in Guelph and partying without me.

There was a man on the bus last night who infuriated me. He was only talking to the woman so that she would know stuff about him. Not listening, waiting for his turn to talk.
The urge to walk up to him and tell him that he bothered me was barely suppress-able.

Question: If a stranger walked up to you and said that they didn't like you, would you care at all?
I would be sad, but it would in no way surprise me. I have been know to go out of my way to be less like-able.

I watched Leaves of Grass today, in my endeavour to watch every film the Edward Norton has done.

Once again, he was spectacular, and he played two characters. Double spectacular.

The film was about a bunch of drug dealing hicks. It made me sad.

I will now go to work. I am sad.

I also watched The Knight's Tale again. What was best about Heath Ledger was his hands. He had lovely hands.

I am not creepy. I am sad.

*Edited to add* an existential crisis. I am a carbon based structure that is slowly evapourating. So is Robo-Kitty. He is truly enviable in that he is unaware of his return to entropy. Ignorance must be blissful, because awareness is a bit crap really. I think I am in love with my cat.

I am sad in a whole new way!

Sitting

I am critter-sitting for my friend Amie today. She is gone to visit her great-grandmother in Niagara Falls.

I like this farm very much. Other than the fact that my lovely new socks are matted with cat hair, it is a good place to be.

I was pretending to be grass earlier. Highly therapeutic. Having roots would feel nice. Always connected to the earth, always deep in the dark, cool dirt. Photosynthesizing would be terrific. Absorb light -> Have energy! I want thylakoids.

SQUIRREL!

And then I went for a walk and climbed a tree and spied on Amie's horses. They are pretty beasties.

The middle class is a difficult place to live and to leave.

I think the stalkers in the world deserve some credit. It's not easy finding out everything about a person without ever introducing yourself and engaging in conversation and remaining entirely on the friendly side of the law. Not easy at all.

I had a long hard think today (while I was supposed to be working out other things) on telling the truth. It's something I generally have trouble with, and one of the few things that I'm honest about is how much I lie. I am aware and vocal about the fact that I misrepresent myself and that I find joy in misleading people in almost any fashion.
It has always interfered with certain aspects of my life, not the least of which would be my sanity, my relationships, and my religious 'convictions'.

I am aware that it is a problem I need to deal with. It is just very difficult to convince myself to stop when so many people seem to be enjoying the lovely mythologies.

I will have another solid think (Winnie-the-Pooh style!) over this later this week. Maybe I will reach some momentous conclusions.

Meanwhile, I will stage an inquisition into why my school is saying I didn't give them money when I most certainly did.

Just listen